Hii I’m new here. And also on mobile, so I’m gonna try my best to format this as best I can.
A bit of context : I currently live in a student dorm with 2 other people who I’ll call Marie and Anne.
We have a rule that if the trash is full, whoever has time will take it out.
I’m usually the one who does this as I spend the most time in our room.
Marie has a pretty busy schedule and Anne works until 3pm and gets home around 4 pm.
However, it should be noted I’ve only seen Anne take out the trash once. Even when it was her turn to clean the room (we take turns), I was the one who took out the trash.
Now, onto the "prologue" of this (I’m unsure what to call it??) :
On Wednesday, Marie noticed a smell coming from the trash. I’m currently sick and cannot smell things that well. The source of the smell turned out to be food that Anne had thrown out prior and had gone bad.
Marie got understandably annoyed at this because she Anne should have taken the trash outside. I agreed with her and thought that she was gonna take out the trash since she said it annoyed her. My mistake for assuming Ig.
On Thursday I awoke pretty early for me (around 9-10 pm I stay up late I know it’s not that early) and rushed to get to practice courses (I basically have to help teach kids).
I got home around 4pm, when Anne usually gets home, and got in bed and slept til 9 and then called a friend.
During our call I noticed that Anne was chopping up vegetables like onions and such and opened the window because of how strong the odor was. (Note that she never opens up windows and I usually have to open them up when she cooks).
She also threw the vegetable scraps in the trash.
At around 2 pm the next day I got out of bed and was greeted by the following message (from Marie) in our room’s whatsapp gc :
"You should be ashamed of yourselves. I came home last night and was greeted by this horrible smell only to realize it came from the trash and that there was food inside of it. I pay for this room too and just because I’m gone most of the time doesn’t mean I don’t expect the room to be clean by the time I come back. You didn’t even bother to open a window or anything."
I tried telling her that I hadn’t noticed the smell, that I didn’t use the trash can the day prior and it had been Anne who used it etc. Every attempt was dismissed, and I was told I should’ve taken out the trash regardless.
I then checked the trash and it was still full. Neither of them had bothered to take it out so I had to.
I’ve already asked my friends about this and they all agree I’m not the asshole here but they are my friends, and as much as I trust their judgement I know they can’t be completely objective. Please, I just want to know if I’m in the wrong and what I can do to make up for it.
TLD;R My roommate got upset at me for not throwing out the trash even tho I’m usually the one who throws it out and our other roommate was the one who used it and didn’t throw it out.
**NTA.** You’re not their maid. You already take the trash out more than anyone, and Anne literally added to an already smelly bin and still didn’t take it out. Marie getting mad *at you* instead of the person who caused the problem is just misplaced frustration.
If neither of them can be bothered to follow the “whoever has time” rule, that’s on them — not you. You were sick, out of the house, and didn’t even create the mess. They need to communicate like adults instead of dumping responsibility on the one person who already does the most.
Marie’s being a total hypocrite. She complained about the smell but didn’t take it out either? Anne’s the real problem here though.
NTA. You do the trash most. Anne filled it. Marie blamed you because you were “there.” That’s not fair.
Tell them plainly: “I’m not the default maid. We all take it out when it’s full.”
Set a rota or they’ll keep dumping it on you.
NTA but stick up for yourself!
You should have told both Anne and Marie that if they throw food in the trash that they need to take the trash out right away as it can attract cockroaches and even mice.
I have tried to tell Anne about this and other issues in the past and she didn’t listen, tried blaming me and saying I was making a big deal out of it. She used toilet bleach on the wooden floors (it’s not really wood, it’s made to resemble wood tho, it’s more like carton/plastic w cement underneath) .
As for Marie – I tried to do it this morning, explaining to her my side again, telling her I didn’t appreciate being called that and she just shut me down and then removed herself from the convo :’).
Instead of explaining your side you should be asking her about *her* side. Like “What kept you from taking out the trash when you were complaining it was smelly? Pointing out the trash is smelly isn’t nearly as helpful as taking it out.”
NTA. If Marie had time to complain about it 3 times, she had time to take it out. She also could have just confronted Anne since she was the one who created and exacerbated the problem.
Wow, why didn’t Anne take the full trash out when she was done? She’s TA and so is Marie for blaming you when you weren’t around. Find a new roommate for 2nd semester, if that’s possible. You’re NTA.
Unfortunately it isn’t, I can’t really switch roommates in the middle of the year plus I like my room. I have some wooden shelves I attached to the wall (I was allowed to dw) and Idk I don’t wanna cause a disturbance by de-ttaching them and re-attaching them someplace else.
Also, that’s what I’m wondering too. I don’t understand why Anne didn’t take out the trash.
A really funny exchange we have everytime it’s her cleaning rotation is me taking out the trash and her being like “Why didn’t you let me take out the trash? It’s my cleaning week!” with a smirk on her face. Ma’am you didn’t even bother to start cleaning and it’s already Sunday. One time I even let her take out the trash when she said this and she didn’t.
NTA – though, here is a thought, change the dynamics?
Marie is more vigilant about the trash than others. What are things the rest are more vigilant about cleaning and then make a trade. Marie will handles garbage 100% of the time, if you handle X 100% of the time.
My wife and I do this. There are things I am much more vigilant and detailed about than my wife and vice versa. Rather than split chores 50/50, we split by the tasks, same with our kids. They can negotiate with each other about trading tasks, but no one does a part of a task, its all or nothing. Trash and spoiled food cleaning are 2 task I take on since I got a nose like a blood hound. This way you always know who is slacking on a task since it is not shared.
Getting home at 4pm isn’t ‘busy’ enough to justify not splitting chores evenly. And since you are just roommates, not partners or family, chores should be split evenly regardless of everyone’s schedule. You should not be doing any more cleaning than them even if you are home more. NTA, but you need to make and enforce an evenly split cleaning schedule that includes all shared cleaning tasks.
Nta. Also stop justifying why you didn’t take out the trash.
“Marie, if the smell bothers you, just take the trash out. That’s what I do”. Repeat as needed or literally just ignore her response.
NTA. You should have responded with “If the smell bothered you so much, why didn’t *you* take it out?”
This, my friend, is why nebulous rules don’t work when it comes to chore distribution.
Make a schedule that’s objectively fair and easy to understand, execute.