I (22F) have mostly lived with the same group of girls for the past 4 years, we’re all around the same age. This particularly revolves around 2 of them: “Brenna” and “Ashlynn”. Brenna has become one of my closest friends and I love her, but even she admits she can be “a lot”. She is autistic, leading her to often hyper fixate, miss social cues, and get easily flustered. Myself and most of our other roommates get along with her. Ashlynn, however, couldn’t stand her. She found Brenna very annoying. She also didn’t like how she would hear Brenna speak to her (meaning Brenna’s) mother. Once, Ashlynn overheard Brenna cursing out her mom and just couldn’t move on from it. I know Brenna and her mom have a complicated relationship. I don’t exactly agree with how she talks to her sometimes, but I won’t deny there are times I’ve wanted to say some of the same stuff to my mom. I think a lot of Ashlynn’s annoyance also stemmed from Brenna not being able to pick up on hints that she didn’t like her. She tried to avoid her and Brenna would just try to invite her to do things, talk to her, etc. There were points Ashlynn was a little mean to her, to try to get the point to sink in, and Brenna thought she was just joking. And to be fair, we all joke around a bit.
We all graduated from college in the spring. Ashlynn got a job out of state and moved. 2 of our other roommates also moved, so we got a few new ones. One of them is pretty lazy, doesn’t do their share of the chores, and recently missed a rent payment. We’re dealing with it, and she won’t be extending her lease after the New Year, but everyone’s annoyed, for obvious reasons. The other night, Brenna, myself, and our other roommate that’s been around since freshman year “Sage” went out to dinner. We were all venting about lazy roommate and somehow, the discussion turned to how our old roommates would’ve handled her. I ended up saying “Ashlynn would’ve hated her more than she hated Brenna”. Brenna gave me a weird look and asked “Ashlynn hated me?” It took me a minute to realize what I said, and just decided to role with it. I told her everything Ashlynn had hated about her. Brenna was confused, but admitted she couldn’t deny any of it. Sage changed the conversation. I thought it was over.
Well, I guess not. Sage and Brenna share a room, and Sage has told me that since this talk, Brenna’s been spiraling. She feels terrible that she annoyed Ashlynn and keeps thinking of all the times she embarrassed herself in front of her. She’s really been stuck on this. Sage is pissed at me and says I shouldn’t have said anything. I said I didn’t predict it’d cause this many issues. I pointed out, it’s not like they’ll see each other again. Plus, Brenna has to get used to people not liking her. Sage rolled her eyes, and said she is used to it. We both know she was bullied, struggles making friends. She didn’t need a reminder that to some she’s “too much”. I didn’t realize Sage was so protective of Brenna. Was I really an ass for saying it?