Never posted before so sorry for any errors. Me(20f) and my friend/roommate(20f) got into a mild disagreement and I wanted to know if I’m in the wrong.
We live off campus in a small two bedroom apartment together. We have no other roommates. It was fall break last week and I decided to go back to visit my family. She was going to stay a few days before also leaving. I knew that she was going to bring a guy over the day I left which was all cool with me. I got home a day earlier and she took out the trash and cleaned up no problems there.
However when she got back I was in the kitchen doing some dishes and she said she needed to apologize to me. She confessed that she and the guy had sex in our living room but she cleaned up afterwards. I cut her off and said that it’s good that she cleaned up but I would rather her 1 try not to have sex in communal areas and 2 if she is going to please not tell me about it. She got annoyed and said she was trying to be considerate by letting me know but I said that I would have had no idea and been blissfully ignorant if she had not confessed to me. I’d rather she have just kept it to herself so I didn’t have confirmation of it. My roommate believes in always confessing her wrong doings which does occasionally get on my nerves because in my mind sometimes it’s more considerate to not burden other people with them.
I think she was hurt by my response so maybe I should have held my tongue or been more gentle? what do you think reddit?
NTA.
Situations like this definitely fall under “what you don’t know won’t hurt you.” Should have kept quiet.
Roommate told you so SHE would feel better, regardless of how it would make YOU feel.
NTA.
I understand your roommate’s compulsion to confess — I am the same way.
She screwed up, and she wants forgiveness so that she doesn’t feel bad. But her relief shouldn’t come at the expense of your discomfort.
She’s doubly in the wrong here. You’re fine.
Honestly NAH. She did what she thought was right in confessing, and you let her know that those types of things are what you would rather not hear. As long as she respects that moving forward, no harm done.
Yall just have slightly different preferences onf communicating. It happens. Sucks that she seemed almost hurt by you telling her your preference but ultimately I dont think either of yall are assholes here
I think the roommate is an AH in this, if only for having sex in a shared space, regardless of if OP was home.
NTA. It sounds like she had cleaned up well enough that you didn’t know. Asking not to hear about her personal life is 100 percent legit.
NTA
She cleared her conscience, told you the truth, good. But if you’re telling her that you DON’T want to know about it, then she should just be like okay.
But whatever, you’re not wrong
NAH. I get why she confessed, Probably felt guilty and I think she likes to be a transparents person. Not a bad trait honestly But I totally get why you wouldn’t want to hear about it. I obvipualy wouldn’t like ro know such intimate details of my roomie either.
Communicate with her about it and perhaps make it clear that while you do get why she confessed you’d just rather not hear such details next time, just like you’ve already done. Maybe be a bit more softer next time begause I suppose she’d confused as to why her “good action” of confessing aas met with scorn, so if you explained a bit more clearly she may get it. If she’s still so vocal about her “crimes” next time then it is AH behaviour on her part. You’re in the clear..
NAH, just different mindsets, but hey, that’s what we have words for.
NTA
You set a boundary and was honest about what was said.
NTA. Your roommate is though. She’s *pretending to be considerate* and that is all. If she was honestly apologizing she’d expect you to have misgivings about it. She basically was just bragging she did it.
A massive part of “confessing your wrongdoings” is accepting criticism. She isn’t doing that. She’s just using telling you to act like she didn’t actually do anything wrong.
nta. had a worse reaction than you when my sister’s ex told me they fucked in our family livingroom AND added they were facing a family photo we had hung up that i was like 6 years old in. keep that shit in your head
I badly want to say YTA but you’re not, maybe consider forgiving her tho.
NTA. A super valid view point. But to her point atleast she isn’t hiding this stuff from you. I think it would be beneficial to both of you and lay out boundary’s on what goes on in shared areas. There are worse roommates to have, and I’m talking from experience.