My mom has made a lot of risky decisions for us to keep us afloat, and one of the biggest decisions was moving in with a man she‘s sort of seeing. I can’t say this was a good thing. He promised my mom and us (me and my two siblings) a free stay for however long she likes as long as she cooks for him. Its sort of like a “pretend“ marriage. They had no plans to actually marry. They were older people and didn‘t believe in dating and they saw nothing much from marrying again, so they agreed on this weird companionship where they rely on eachother for different needs. She sold our old house and bought one near his to rent out to make ends meet. She relied on him too much. The house she bought had an unfinished basement and she was planning on making another floor for tenants, fitted with a kitchen, two bathrooms and three rooms. She let the man handle all the floor plans, contracting, and construction for it since “he was more informative of this matter.” The end result was less than savory, lets just say. Many things happened and my mom and that man had a faling out. We had no choice but to move into the basement that was just finished. The level floor was leased out already so we couldn’t stay up there. My mom did her best to make the basement look homey, but she knew it had some growing used to. My siblings were very upset about this change, but I tried to make the best of it. In the room I share with my sister there was only one thing I didn’t like. The blinds on our window has been there since the old homeowners, it was stained and dusty, and exuded some kind of smell. I don’t know how to describe this smell other than “old”. I asked my mom if we could change it out to which she responded “If there’s any thing you don’t like and you can chnage it just do it.” I figured she feels bad that we ended up here and is letting us do as we please. I did as she says and I changed it for blackout ones that roll down. When my mom saw them she hated them. She hated that they were black out, and she hated how they looked. I don’t think she know how to roll them up when they were down, but she also said “It’s really difficult that I have to roll them back up when they are down to get some sunlight in here.” I showed it was a simple pull up but she didn’t care. She told me to switch it back to the old ones. I was angry because she said I could change them and she pretended she never said that. They were hard to put up (for me at least) and I know they’ll be frustrating to take down as well. I was also disappointed that I believed I could genuinely change anything about my room that I didn’t like, but apparently she didn’t mean that at all. I didn’t say this to her but we ended up here because of the man she met and decided to put her entire family at the mercy of this man. I told her that because she falsely lead me to believe I could change the blinds, then she’ll have to pay me back the money I spent for them. It’s $85, but now I’m thinking I was too much.
NTA. Your mother led you to believe that you could change them. You did, if she doesn’t like the ones you bought and wants you to take them down then she should reimburse you.
NTA, but how old are you? If you’re an adult, why are you still living with your mom when she’s making such disastrous decisions? If you’re a child, then why are you fronting the money for home repairs to begin with?
I am an adult (21) but its complicated. She doesn’t want me to move out. I know that not her decision to make but its tough times so I’m sticking around for her. Plus in our culture its normal for adults to stay with their parents or have their parents stay with them.
People don’t understand other cultures normals and think theirs is the only way. Americans also don’t understand helping family.
This sounds like a very difficult family dynamic and are at the mercy of your mom’s poor decisions.
I’m not sure how old you are, but if you are able to move out on your own you will find life more peaceful, albeit more difficult for a while (likely).
If you are not able to move out, then depending on how hard you have to argue I’d just leave the new blinds up and let her complain until she takes them down.
Not sure if she’s the asshole, since she’s just running her own unsolved trauma patterns.
You are definitely NTA, but are in a difficult situation.
I don’t think you are being “too much,” however since she’s not willing to take responsibility for much of anything, she will act like the victim and you will be the receiver of that until you can separate from her.
If she does put the musty blinds back up, maybe you could take some rubbing alcohol and clean them? In the meantime, may you find your peace outside of this household as quickly as you safely can.
NTA. She told you to change what you didn’t like, you did, and now she’s mad about it, that’s on her, not you.
Need INFO- there seems to be a disconnect somewhere. You say she told you that you could change the blinds, but she insists she never said that. Is it possible there was a misunderstanding? If not—and you’re certain she told you directly that it was okay—then I’d say NTA.
Either way, it’s your bedroom, so why is she so invested in your blinds? It may be a control issue. Your mom doesn’t seem to have much control over her own life right now (especially given the situation with being so reliant on her ex-boyfriend), so she might be trying to control whatever little she can. I would tell her you like the blinds you chose for your room. If she continues to push the issue and makes you take them down then I see nothing wrong with asking her to reimburse you the $85.
I wouldn’t have gone through with it at all if she trully didn’t want me to. And the exact interaction at the time was “Can I change these out?” to which she replied “If there is anything you want to change, just do it.”
NTA, your mom is not thinking straight. She’s being unreasonable and not making you all feel her trying to right the ship. You spent almost $100 on something and she now wants you to put the stinky ones back…in YOUR room.
At the very least she can accompany you to pick out new ones,that she will pay for,so this doesn’t happen again. If she refuses,clean the old ones with white vinegar, soap and water..
And move out as soon as its feasible for you.
without your age a judgment can not be reached. you had 85$ to purchase the curtains, you must be of age to make decisions on your own. your forgetful mothers behavior is erratic at best. nothing but trouble down that road. be well
Sorry about that I’m 21
NTA, NO she should pay you back, and you should say “you know we are here because you choose him, and gave your power to him. Then you said, we change things to make them better for us to make this more bearable, now you saying otherwise, you should at least pay me back.” say it calm and level no crying no yelling no swear just matter of fact. “follow up by “Since you don’t like what I picked maybe we go get something together..”
Here’s an idea – how about you roll them up yourself of a morning to let the sunlight in? Then she doesn’t have anything to complain about. I hope you threw out the old, stinky ones so you couldn’t put them up again anyway (hint, hint!). Hope things get better for your family.