I 16F was eating dinner at the table and chatting with my mum and siblings. My sister points out a bit of sauce landed on my place mat that left a small mark. I said thank you and cleaned it up, my mum stated glaring at me and said “seriously? I just cleaned that” i apologised and wiped it up. She asked how I managed that considering I was using a bowl. I smiled (I thought it was a bit funny how i managed it, reflecting now, this was a bit immature) and she said I was laughing at her misfortune, and that my attitude is bad. She started tearing up and saying how I’m creating so much more work for her. I said that she didn’t need to do more work because I cleaned it up. She said I was downplaying her feelings and the situation. She said I have to work on myself, and that she hates how my go to is to smile and laugh. I apologised multiple times and reassured her that I cleaned it up.
I feel like she wants me to change my personality. She’s saying if I don’t change my “attitude” by myself, she’ll force me.
Arguments like this happen constantly over very small things, I try my hardest to be understanding but sometimes I think something this small has no reason for argument.
This is of course just one situation, so large assumptions cannot be made, but my mother hates my attitude of over positivity and laughing/ smiling. For some context on my mum and myself: I tend to be over positive, always seeing the good, I laugh and joke a lot, not that I don’t see there is negativity in the world, I choose to focus on positivity. My mum, due to some poor experiences eg. divorce has a downturned view on life, says she doesn’t like “silliness” and gets frustrated when others are too loud and playful, she also assumes the worst in everyone. Our relationship has always been rocky due to major clash in personality but there’s always attempt to remain civil, I love my mum no matter what and won’t let things be bad between us.
Is my attitude that bad? Please be honest, I feel like I need someone older and mature (other than my mum) to evaluate, because I know being a teenager makes me not see how I can be rude and immature.
NTA. You spilled a drop of sauce, smiled about it, and cleaned it up yourself. That’s not a personality flaw that needs fixing. Your mom threatening to “force” you to change who you are over something this small is concerning.
It sounds like she’s dealing with her own stuff and taking it out on you. Being positive and finding humor in small mistakes isn’t disrespectful – it’s actually a healthy way to handle life. Don’t let her convince you that your personality is the problem here.
NTA. So much drama over a minor spill that was already cleaned.
No, your attitude is not bad. Just because your mum isn’t happy doesn’t mean everyone around her should be miserable. Don’t let her crush your spirit.
NTA
Seems like your mum has some more stuff going on? Because imo isn’t the mat there to catch stains like that?
Is she always like this with cleaning and keeping things overly nice?
Yes, she is definitely a perfectionist when it comes to our home. Constantly cleaning and gets really upset if it’s not spotless. When my brother and I clean she will argue it’s not clean enough. If she finds a stand of hair that has fallen from my head onto the floor, she’ll make me pick it up and put it in the bin, same if she finds a bit of dirt on the floor.
Honestly, it sounds awful to live with a mum like that – and I bet it actually doesn’t feel good to her either, she just doesn’t realise how bad it is. It sounds like either ocd or ocpd perhaps, or some sort of controlling behaviour for sure.
You did nothing wrong, but she wont see it like that :/
Just survive and dip asap. You did nothing wrong here but you cannot force someone to change their mind
NTA. The *point* of a place mat is for it to catch stray food, getting at all upset about something getting on it (especially when that something is already cleaned up) is about your mum and her not being in a good mental place. That is not something you should feel responsible for, even if it can be hard not to sometimes.
I really hope your mother can get some help dealing with her mental health and learn to find some joy in life.
This was my thought too!! I was reading it thinking “hence… the placemat…”
keep being kind, but don’t twist yourself up trying to ‘fix’ a vibe that isn’t yours. u don’t need a personality transplant just to make her comfortable
Your mom is the one with the attitude problem, not you. It’s completely unfair of her to force her negativity down on you and everyone surrounding her.
NTA
NTA
I get that your mum is having a hard time but that doesn’t give her the right to try and make you as miserable and mean as her. We need more happy, positive people in the world. Keep being bright!
NTA. And wtf did I just read? Does she even know what a placemat is for? Of course she does and she intentionally makes drama for people to make them walk on eggshells around her. Either that or she’s craycray….
I don’t understand what you did? The spilling of sauce? When eating? At the table?^^
Like.. what?
Is she ok? If she is, something is clearly wrong! Else she wouldn’t be sounding so.. irrational? Nta