So I (20f) am about to be an aunt soon. My brother and SIL are expecting to have the baby in the next few days.
I got sick and Im just getting over it Im still coughing a bit but I feel better than I did 2 days ago. However, my dad has started to feel sick too. My mom lives with us but she hasnt had any symptoms yet. I was talking to her today about my SIL and the baby and she told me that they’re inducing her into labor tomorrow and that the baby will likely be here by friday. I mentioned how It sucks that we wont be able to see the baby since me and my dad are sick. She told me that if she doesn’t feel sick then shes still going to see the baby.
I find this very hypocritical because all week she’s been lecturing about me going out while sick.
I didnt go to work monday but I decided to stop by my evening ceramics class to pick up a few things. I wasnt going to stay there, just needed a few of my pieces. She decided to lecture me on this, even though I told her I wouldn’t be there for long. Despite lecturing me about this, before I left SHE ASKED ME TO GET HER A SWEET TREAT. Whatever. (this is just one example, she also got onto me for going to class when I had to do a test that day)
I forgot I was sick and ate from it on the drive home. It completely slipped my mind but my mom just gave me half the desert and I gave her different spoon. However, this dessert was strawberry and cream, so it wasnt like she could cut off part of the desert and be fine. Whatever.
Today comes and I feel much better. Still coughing a bit with some congestion but my eye is no longer red or bothering me. I came home me and my mom start talking about the baby. And thats when she tells me that she essentially doesn’t care of me and my dad are sick, that as long as she doesn’t experience symptoms that she will still go see the baby.
I am appalled at her hypocrisy considering this entire week shes been getting onto ME for being sick and irresponsible. Personally, I think going to see a new born baby knowing that your daughter and husband are sick is even more irresponsible and just selfish. I told her this and she got irritated and started telling me get out.
I dont think my SIL or my brother know that I am sick or that my dad is starting to feel sick. During the conversation with my mom when I brought up that me and my dad are sick and that I ate of her desert a few days ago she made a ‘shh’ sound, Insinuating that she doesn’t want anyone to know that.
I dont want to stress out my SIL or my brother but I also dont want her to potentially endanger the wellbeing of their newborn baby. I was maybe thinking of casually bringing up to my brother just letting him know me and my dad are sick and that we likely wont be there instead of outright telling him to not let my mom see the baby. Im also wondering if I should say something now or wait until the baby is here. Would I be the asshole if I told my brother that he should be concerned about my mom seeing the baby?
edit: I just let my brother know that me and my dad are sick and that my moms been around us. I didnt say anything about not letting her see the baby, only that shes been around us. He just said ‘Ok’ which is very classic of him. Anything they decide to do now is in their hands, at least I let them know.
NTA, if you tell your brother and they still decide to let your mom visit that is their decision. But hiding it from them and essentially lying by omission is messed up. They deserve to decide whether visits are allowed with ALL the information in hand. Your mom knows it’s wrong too because she told you not to say anything. Anyway, potentially endangering a newborn’s life is not worth it just to avoid hurting your mom’s feelings. She can wait to meet the baby.
NTA. But your mother is for thinking of exposing the baby. I would just casually call them, cough and say oh sorry I’m getting over a cold! Mom’s the only one that hasn’t gotten sick yet. Because while you may “stress them out” with the information, what will actually stress them out is their baby catching a virus when they have 0 immune system. Do the right thing, tell them if she won’t so they can make an informed decision on what they want to do without having to make the call when they see your mom and she’s sick.
NTA – Tell your brother IMMEDIATELY and out her to him. The fact that she’s willing to risk the health of her grandchild just so she can see be there is self-centered impatience. Newborns haven’t received their vaccinations yet and exposing them to sick or potentially sick people could LITERALLY KILL THEM. Honestly, if I knew your mother in person, I would be scolding the ever-loving shit out of her for even insinuating that this was a good idea. Like, holy shit, that woman truly thinks the world revolves around her.
I think you should stick with what you suggested at the end, which is telling him that you’re sorry to miss the birth but you’re sick and so is dad. Let your presumably educated adult brother draw his own conclusions about the risk to his newborn from someone who lives with two sick people. If you flat out tell him not to see your mom, all that is doing is stirring up drama and YWBTA. That’s not your call; it’s your brother’s and his wife’s. And your mom will absolutely blame you. Drama. Plus, let’s be real, this post comes off sounding more like you are just annoyed with your mom and want to lash out than genuine concern for the baby if I’m being honest.
Nta please please warn them
YWNBTA if you frame it as concern, not telling him what their family should do.
A simple “hey bro, dad and I are sick and getting over whatever we have. Mom seems fine for now. Just wanted to let you know and let you and SIL decide what you want to do about visiting the baby. I won’t go until I’m better.”
Some people genuinely don’t care. Most people would appreciate knowing this.
NTA
There is nothing more frightening than being told that you need to your baby to the hospital and watching them suffer with a cold when they are teeny tiny
Some much could happen and babies can die from catching colds especially if it’s turns into RSV, flu or Covid.
I would tell your brother but explain the situation clearly and maybe tell him to not say that you told your mum and get your brother to call your dad instead and then your brother can tell your mum that she needs to wait a few weeks before come because your dads ill.
That way you won’t get blamed. Or just tell him straight and what your mums intentions are.
Grandmothers are the worst sometimes.
All you need to do is let him know that 2 of the 3 people in your house have been sick this week. What he does with that is up to him.
NTA. Your brother and SIL have the right to know so they can make the best decision for their baby. Your mother should be an adult and tell them she’ll visit when she’s certain she is not ill or contagious. However, it doesn’t sound like she’s going to do that.
NTA the baby could die of this. Tell your brother
Call your brother to tell him you heard your SIL will be induced and you are excited and sending good wishes. Cough a lot during this conversation. He will ask if he are sick. Why, yes you are! Thank you for asking! Problem solved since he knows your Mom lives with you.
You need to tell them immediately, your mum is putting that baby in danger. I would tell them asap
My baby got RSV at 10days old from a sick guest. She was back in the hospital for a week. Absolutely tell your bro and SIL. Mom can just wait a few days