I’m 35M and I work with this younger guy, let’s call him Dan. We’re cool, we joke around, nothing serious, just normal work vibes. But he has this habit of borrowing my things without asking. Not personal emotional stuff, literally items on my desk.
One day I’m working and realized my pen was gone. Saw him using it. I told him “bro at least ask first.” He shrugged and said “relax man, it’s just a pen.” Next day, same thing but with my notebook. He even took my phone charger from my desk while I was in the restroom. He always says the same thing, “dude we’re guys, we share stuff, why so strict.”
It started annoying me because it’s not about the items, it’s the not asking part. So I finally told him, kinda bluntly, “stop grabbing my stuff without permission. Just ask. Literally two words. Just ask.”
He got weirdly offended and said I was acting “uptight” and making things awkward in the office over nothing.
Now another coworker said I “overreacted” because Dan is young and probably doesn’t think about boundaries the same way.
So now I’m like… did I go too far? Or is it normal to want a coworker to stop touching your things without asking?
AITA?????
NTA. I had to ‘train’ my boss to not take my nicer pens at my office.
They usually wound up lost… or he takes them home and I never see them again.
Your other coworker is wrong about this. Dan is kinda being AHish because he keeps taking your stuff without asking.
First it’s pens, notebooks and chargers. Next it’s going to be your lunch.
… yeah that’s exactly what I’m worried about. It starts with the small stuff and then it slowly becomes “anything on your desk is free game.” I don’t mind sharing, I just want him to ask like a normal person. And honestly if he keeps losing other people’s things, that’s even more reason to stop grabbing mine. I don’t get why that’s such a big ask…
thank you for your response ❤️
He doesn’t understand boundaries the same way? I’m guessing he wouldn’t take the stuff from his boss without asking, right?
NTA for helping to educate him on office etiquette and simple respect for his coworkers.
Nta. If you just snapped one day, then that’s a problem. But you’ve voiced your concerns a couple of times. People need to respect boundaries, regardless of how they feel about said boundaries.
Reinforce it. This is your stuff, your boundaries.
NTA. It’s not his stuff and he needs to ask.
Why so strict? “Cuz I paid for that stuff, and you don’t have anything I want to borrow, DUDE – so mitts OFF!”
What an asshole. That bs gets old. Young dogs gotta learn sometime, and for lil’ danny that time is now
Also the “relax man” at the beginning if any sentence- for me that’s instant rage
NTAH
Bro needs to learn boundaries before HR steps in.
I had a desk in an area with a lot of traffic, and if someone needed a pen or pencil, it was there.
One day I spent about 15 minutes writing my name on small labels, putting them on my stuff and covering the labels with clear tape. Disappearances slowed down and I had no problem reclaiming my stuff.
NTA