I threw very period stained underwear in the sink to rinse and soak when my H and I were in the bathroom. He has always had a strong disgust response to menstrual blood and has made it very clear how gross he finds it.
Leaving aside the anti-feminist, anti-normal human bodily function side of his aversion, AITA for doing this? I have very rarely done so in 20 YEARS of marriage, but this time I just honestly didn’t care. When he got angry and disgusted about it, my perimenopause-motivated response was basically “It isn’t my problem that you find blood disgusting, so Im not taking them out”.
He got pissed and said I was extremely selfish and was ignoring his opinions and feelings (a common complaint about me from him to be fair, but there is a long history there thats too much to get into). He said it would be like him putting a cup of toenail clippings (which i have an irrational hatred of) next to my tea, or putting shit-stained clothes in my space.
(His actual words were “then I’ll just rub shit in your face” but i am sure that’s what he meant and for the sake of this AITA lets set that aside).
So anyhoo, AITA?
(Adding for context: we were in the bathroom together because I was about to cut his hair. I was straightening up the bathroom to prepare for the haircut and I saw that they needed to be rinsed (dirty laundry is kept there on the floor in the corner and I needed to get it out of the way).
(Also adding – it happened to be our kid’s underwear, not mine. I didn’t add that info at first to avoid muddying the waters, but it felt less offensive to his sensitivities to me because of that).
…husband? … 20 years? Are you SURE he likes women? It doesn’t seem like it.
NTA
You’ve been married to him for 20 years?
I guess the good news is that you don’t have too many more years for this particular natural human function to offend him. Even fewer if you throw him out the door like he deserves.
ESH.
But if you’ve been having to hide your bodily functions for 20 years, I would also run out of effs to give.
You’ve been taking him into account for 20 years. He can occasionally suck it up. Maybe literally so he’ll get desensitized /s
NTA How am I supposed to set aside, “I’ll just rub shit in your face?” The way he went about this is gross. I get having an aversion to blood but honestly, he just needs to leave that space if it bothers him so much.
I’m a woman, so obviously I wouldn’t gaf. But in his shoes, I would have bought my partner a tub to use for that purpose that could be used somewhere other than common space. I would come with solutions. If you have 2 bathrooms, honestly, I’d just use the other one. You’re not an asshole for being put off by his off-putting reaction.
You don’t like toenails and he doesn’t like blood.
Seems kind of fair that you just keep that in mind and don’t bring it round the other.
And respectfully, an aversion to bodily fluids is actually really common.
Why do you think that you are so disrespectful towards each other after so long together? Also if this is a common complaint of his, is he right? Do you dismiss his opinions and feelings?
I think YTA, sorry
This, exactly. It would have cost her nothing to wait until he left the bathroom.
Your husband needs to grow up. NTA
YTA
I was gonna say you both suck here but I think your Husband has a point…
You knew it made your partner uncomfortable but you did it anyway trying to get a reaction out of him….
I was gonna say that your husband sucks because after 20 years he should be used to the routine by now but I thought about it more and decided that You knowingly put him in that situation instead of waiting until he wasn’t in the room anymore.
You intentionally did it to get a Reaction.. this is attention seeking 101.
I did it because I was cleaning up the bathroom to cut his hair, and I saw that they needed to be rinsed (dirty laundry is kept there on the floor in the corner and i needed to get it out of the way). I didn’t do it to piss him off or to get “attention”, I just didn’t prioritize his disgust at the moment. But yes once he got pissed and lashed out I didn’t take them out, because I was upset he got so angry about it.
NTA. Your man sounds like a very unappealing person. Like you can’t handle period blood, you’re just not a person I’d feel like I could depend on for ANYTHING.
I’ve had many, if not all my partners enjoy sex while I was menstruating. Sometimes the room would look like Dexters lab and I do not mean the cartoon. But isnt sex better when it’s dirty and unexpected?
Your husband needs to grow up. It’s a natural bodily function, not a biohazard. After 20 YEARS he should’ve gotten over this, and comparing period blood to literal feces? That’s next-level immaturity. You deserve better than this nonsense.
ESH. I think you two need to be more respectful and considerate with each other. Hemophobia is a thing. Someone I know can pass out just by seeing blood, and it’s not something easy to overcome. Just because something is a normal bodily function doesn’t mean it should be displayed in front of unwilling audience. For example, Flatulence and Eructation are normal bodily function, but that doesn’t mean it’s polite to fart or belch loudly in public (at least in my society). You’re married to someone who dislikes the sight of mentrual blood, and obviously you’ve known about this since before you got married. So, maybe you should try being more considerate with your husband’s aversion, and your husband shouldn’t respond in an inappropriate way to offend you personally with your poop and toenail aversion.
To be clear – He doesn’t have hemophobia at all. He is involved in a sport that frequently results in blood (his own and others) and bloody clothes and it doesnt bother him at all. Its menstrual blood only that he has disgust for, and I have been considerate and accommodating it for decades. I wasn’t this time and he got angry.