I 28F has caught my boyfriend 27M on dating apps. we’ve been dating for 4+ years and have a decent relationship. While we both love each other so much, we’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs. he’s had a rough past and a hard family life that has definitely affected our relationship. it takes two to tango and i’ve dump my fair share of trauma on him, i want that to be clear. I can honestly say that last 6 months of our relationship has been the best it’s ever been. but last year, i had an inkling to go through his phone. i’ve NEVER gone through his phone prior to this. i have his passcode, he’s never been weird w me having his phone in my possession. i start going through texts and see a couple months back there’s two random numbers with notifications silent. the conversation is minimal to like three texts in the contexts of “what’s up”. he face-timed one of them for like five minutes. i look up the area codes and it’s Tennessee. i immediately look up tinder and he han an a updated account with in the last 4 months. I lost my shit. he explained all this bullshit & lowkey manipulated me. but i loved him and thought what we had and who he really was was worth it. and i genuinely think i was right to stay. things worked out and we’ve been doing really well.
fast forward to the last couple weeks and we hit a rough spot. shits been hitting the fan in his family life and the dynamic is a little off with us. it’s normal in relationships, and i know it happens from time to time. i have thought much of it until a few days ago. we were looking for something at the store. Was using the app on his phone to find it. i SWORE i thought i saw tinder on his phone again. i waited until we were in the car to approach him about it. i was 100% hostile & he handled it very calmly. (in the past when he caught him doing sketchy shit he would react extremely hostile and standoffish.) asked to see his phone & he showed are
no hassle. asked how he could help convince me that it’s not there. was reassuring and gave me my space through out the day with me thoughts and conversations. I want to believe him, but i’m scared to get screwed over again. we’re moving in together, all my cards are on the table here. i believe he made a mistake before and i genuinely believe he’d never physically cheat on me (emotional is just as bad don’t get me wrong) but am i stupid for staying? does he want his cake & be able to eat it too?
Trust your gut. Probably not the time to move in together with these doubts hanging over your head.