So, I (M24) and my friend, let’s call him Jake (M23), went out today. We went to get some alcohol since it is Friday and bought 2 wine bottles. Everything was fine, and we listened to music and chilled on a bench, and the mood was really good, and we really felt the music. I am not a heavy drinker, and it was cold out today. As we sat and just enjoyed the moment, the 2 glasses went out and he said to go and get another one. It was already 1 AM, and I was already tired and wanted to go home, and I did not want to drink anymore. This was not the first incident, we had disagreements in the past, but this just seems ridiculous? Should I part ways with this “friend”?
He said I do not have to drink another cup, it would be fine to get the bottle with him, without the need for me to drink too. I told him, “Bro, honestly, I wanna go home slowly, I do not wanna go again,” directly and honestly. He said he really needs it to get into the mood, and I told him no. He became slightly pissed and said, “So this is how you view our friendship? I tell you I really need it and you say no. Another friend, or rather, a good friend, would have said yes and would have accompanied me…” I thought to myself if this is really what he bases friendship about? Going to the gas station to get another drink/alcohol? Really? I told him I am always there when he needs me, and vice versa I expected the same, but then he said, “It seems like our ideals are different regarding a true friendship”…
Either way, I said no, and we listened to the most awkward silent music for 30 minutes before I said I wanna go home now. He also called his friend if he can “pick him up and chill with him” whilst I was still there. I was kinda shocked… As I talked about this later again and told him it is nothing personal, that I just was not in the mood and wanted to go home, he said “Forget about it,” but he is the one who started this and said, “I will remember this for the future, and how you view our friendship”… I was like, bro? It was nothing personal… How can you base a friendship on such a small thing? Either way, we awkwardly parted ways and I said, “Forget about it, it is nothing personal,” but I told him my opinion and then said, “It is fine, let’s leave it as is.”
AITA in this situation for reacting this way towards him?
NTA your friend turned boundary into something guilt tripping, and if that true friendship of his is just planning to make you tag along for more alcohol at 1 AM that’s his immaturity and not your wrong doing.
You’re not TAH – your friend is guilt-tripping you because you set a perfectly reasonable boundary. A healthy friendship isn’t based on whether you’ll wander to a gas station at 1 AM so he can keep drinking. His reaction says a lot more about his maturity than about your loyalty. If this is a pattern, it’s worth reevaluating the friendship.
Yes, it is. This is not the first time such an incident happened, and I am tired of it tbh. I can not just pretent this “did not happen” and countinue like as if all is well. Perhaps, I should cut him loose.
No perhaps. Just DO it.
it’s okay to say no and you’re “friend” took it out of proportion. good friends would’ve just respected that you wanted to go home and asked if u wanted to drink again next friday or something. he was just mad he didn’t get his way and tried to guilt trip you into it.
NTA
This looks like either serious alcohol abuse or alcoholism on your friend’s part. You would have been enabling him if you did what he wanted. That is not being a good friend on your part. You did the right thing. NTA.
this was my first thought too. the earlier days of alcohol abuse can absolutely sound like that one friend that goes “come on, i’m still having fun, just have 1 more drink with me, please!” at the end of every single night out.
OP, it might be worth trying to do more non-drinking related activities with this friend, sometimes a wholesome sober afternoon at the cinema or the beach or something like that can make a world of difference!
NTA. You were done and wanted to go home, he was being a pr*ck. Although I dont understand why you didn’t just say, I’m tired and gonna go home now, and just get up and leave. He sounds like a petulant child. Maybe time to give this friendship a long break
No means no. It’s appropriate for any occasion.
NTA You already said no and he should respect that as a friend. You set your boundary and he crossed it while trying to guilt-trip you. Thats not cool
Your friend obviously has a drinking problem. Doesn’t excuse his behavior, but you should tell him to go get some help. 1 bottle of wine in one night is more than enough.
He drinks like 3 to 4 usually.
Ouch. Yea, definitely a drinking problem. His liver is going to be Swiss cheese soon.