This happened several years ago. For context: at the time, he had been my stepdad for about six or seven years. He’s the type of guy at family gatherings who says things like, "If you eat those green beans, your tally-Wacker will grow," or whatever other Midwestern nonsense he comes up with.
Another thing to know: all my aunts and cousins on my mom’s side are either divorced, widowed, or not with anyone. So most gatherings are five to eight women, my brother, my stepdad, and me (male).
I’ve never appreciated how my stepdad liked to make jokes at our expense or tries to "ease the room" by turning us into a punchline. None of it horrific, but it’s always made things awkward. For instance, the first three years I knew him, anytime my brother or I tried to hug my mom or just spend time with her after she got home from work (late, goes to bed after dinner), he’d make comments like that we were trying to "get some booby milk from mom again". His lovely way of saying we were up her ass too much. I was in 10th grade, and my brother was in 3rd grade(?).
Scene: (3-4 years into my degree) we’re all sitting down for Easter lunch on the patio. He throws out one of his usual one-liners about food and my brother’s tally-Wacker. My brother clearly didn’t like it and asked him to knock it off-the same dynamic as 100 times before. But this time it wasn’t a noisy garage or a busy dinner where it could get lost. It was quiet, and every single person heard it. Most if not everyone looked uncomfortable, definitely no one laughing out loud. I made a snap judgement, raised my hand, and said, "Who else is tired of him talking about my brother’s dick at the dinner table?" Three or four people out of the 10 raised their hand. (Subtract the immediate family, ones under his roof, so 3 or 4 out of 5)
We ended up getting into a month later, and it went terrible. Screaming at each other and all that. but my point that he wouldn’t pick up was this isn’t a construction site, act like you have some class. These women are not amused by your jokes. His defense was that my brothers laughed at that joke a lot. My counterpoint was who was around when you made the joke when he laughed?
P.S I learned shortly after and passed it on to my siblings. Let him say his dumbass thing. Don’t reply, don’t react. Let his stupidity ring in the air for everyone to hear it. It actually got him so many times, me and him don’t talk more than a few sentences a year.
I understand different generations and their jokes. But again, time and place people, I’m anything but classy but I aint talking about what’s in another person’s pants Infront of anyone, ever. It’s just not the type of family i grew up with, and it sucks to see him make a bit out of someone when we’re supposed to be family.
**EDIT:** reading a lot of negatives about my mother, I get it but honestly this is sadly the nicest guy she’s been with. My half-brother’s dad is a legit racist, and my dads a women beater x3. So she stays with him because yes finances but also, he treats her "good". I know because she asked me year one of all this and asked me about his character because I had been right about every other guy she’s been with. However, I moved out the same year they got serious and came back two years later due to an incident at my dad’s house. By the time I saw how everything really was they were already moved in. Stuck in place. They love each other and she deserves that but I’ve told her straight out. I do not like how he talks to us. Of course, 10+ years of dealing with this on my end I’m the issue because I can’t just be friendly. She’s happy with everything except for the fact I don’t have a spot in the family, because he makes every event about him or says his stuff. I’m highly introverted, and seeing an extrovert go around like he does just makes my skin crawl.
There are also a lot of things on my end. I am an asshole. I was not a pleasant kid/teenager. Never happy, always moody, annoyingly picky. And at the time of calling him out I liked to be under the influence quite a lot. So they didn’t take to kindly with me giving them attitude and life advice. Which led into the screaming match. Which ended with "You guys are just two different people, you guys don’t have to change each other."
I’m petty as hell, at the end of the screaming match. He got mad because I finally got loud with him and he said I ain’t going to be someone’s bitch. So I got down on my knees and sarcastically said I guess that means I gotta be your bitch then?
NTA – it is weird that your stepfather has a more than passing interest in children’s reproductive bits.
The comments about them wanting to get booby milk are also super creepy.
The first thing I thought when I read that was “He sounds jealous.”
Honestly, it also sounds like he’s just an asshole.
NTA
NTA at all. Your stepdad is gormless and crass, and you called out his behaviour for what it was in the manner of a high school teacher putting an obnoxious class clown in their place.
As a middle aged woman myself, I wonder what your mother sees in this guy.
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NTA. he shouldn’t be making comments about a CHILD’S private parts. that’s disgusting, joke or not.
Yep. And if OPs brother had been his sister and he talked about how eating green beans would make her boobs grow nobody would put up with it for a second.
Why is your stepdad constantly talking about private parts??
NTA
Your mom is pretty desperate. I don’t know any women who would be with this guy.
And weak. No one would be mocking my kids. EVER.
It’s not a generation thing. It’s a severe lack of class thing. And weird.
NTA, but…honestly, where is your mother in all this? Because SHE should have curbed this eons ago. Doesn’t matter that he’s her husband and all that trad wife/little woman crap even (if that’s the reason she’s not prevented his inappropriateness), but she should have stopped this guy from using HER CHILDREN as punchlines. Good grief, can’t she speak??? Tbh, both stepdad AND YOUR MOM are TAs here.