I (19 F) live with 2 girls (18F) and (21F) in a low key sketch apartment complex. With that in mind, we have a top dead bolt lock that as a collective we feel most comfortable going to bed with that top lock locked. My roommate (21F) also has a cat that lives with us! Recently my roommate (21F) met this guy and has been hanging out with him until 2-3am on WEEKDAYS. Me and my other roommate have to be up early either for class or work, and asked her to come back at a reasonable time because someone has to wake up to unlock the top lock for her, and it’s been weekdays in a row. She basically told us that she pays to live here, and is now asking for the top lock to stay unlocked so she can get in without bothering anyone. Me and my roommate (21F) have gotten on to our other roommate for getting home late, and now it just seems strange that she only wants the top lock unlocked because it benefits her. Additionally, she has work, and then continues to go out with him after, leaving her cat unfed and unplayed with. This is an issue because she gets aggressive when she’s hungry/ bored, and i have too her on multiple occasions that her cat is depressed and she just assumes it’s more about her coming back late, than about the cat. The cat gets into my stuff, attacks my legs, and acts all crazy. My roommate (21F) said and I quote “she can have me after he goes overnight” which is a ridiculous thing to do in my opinion. She also said “you’re not supporting me and my happiness. this is new. this is one week. it’s all temporary why can’t i just have it for a little bit” when it has nothing to do with the guy, and everything to do about her behavior. She says when she asks other people, she tells it as unbiased as she can, and people still take her side. So am I the asshole?!
NTA
Info: She’s only been doing this for a week?
NTA. She’s being selfish and trying to pawn off her responsibilities to you not only that but inconveniencing you and your other roommate and expecting her needs to come above yours. Saying you don’t support her happiness is plain manipulative. It’s majority ruling over her anyway. Say you guys took a vote and agreed lol. When you live with other people it’s just respectful to consider them. Maybe suggest she stays the night as his place if she’s not going to be back at a reasonable time because you’re not going to sacrifice your own well being to get up because she wants be irresponsible. Further might suggest asking or just putting the cat in her room after certain times so it’s not bothering you. Poor kitty.
Why doesn’t she have a key to unlock it herself?
There’s a deadbolt lock that is for safety so it can’t be unlocked if that makes sense. The bottom lock all the maintenance people have a key to.
That makes no sense, I have deadbolts on all of my exterior doors, and I have keys to them, what good is it, if you can’t lock it when you go out.
Well idk I just live here what do you want me to do?! Take a picture ? 🥲
No, the three of you need to sit together and come up with a lock solution. Buy one she can open and the maintenance people don’t have access to.
A grown woman has a right to come and go as she pleases and you both have a right to sleep. Trying to dictate to her when she comes home and her trying to enforce you getting up is ridiculous both ways.
BUT the cat is a problem. Make sure she understands her cat is in distress. At the minimum I would feed the cat so find out where the food is. You don’t have to play with it and if this continues long term tell her that you’ll have to report her for neglect.
It’s hard cause safety is paramount but you have to come to some understanding it is her home too she can’t be locked out of it cause she’s out doing stuff
NTA… she needs to take care of her cat. responsibilities shouldn’t be forgotten just because she’s smitten from a man after just a week. her cat shouldn’t fall on you to take care of. she’s being selfish and delusional.
OMG- go to Lowes or Home Depot and have 3 keys made and everyone has a key, and you can lock the lock, and she can come and go as she pleases, as for the cat tell her to take care of it you will rehome it.
There are deadbolts that are keyed on both inside and outside. You need one of those. Then everyone gets keys and problem solved.
This!! Or you aren’t allowed to put one on the door, then ask her to stay at his place if she’s going to be out late. But tell her she needs to come home and feed her cat before she goes out. It’s not ok to neglect her pet for a new man. But OP also needs to chill a little, if it’s only been a week it’s a little soon to be getting so upset about something that’s happened 2 or 3 times.