He searched for her on FB and since then she messaged him on it. He showed up on her "people you may know" so he’s been messaging her for a couple of days now. I asked him what was up because he was being sorta sneaky with his phone. He did show me the messages and it’s so obvious she’s looking for $, car repairs, etc., but he’s loving the attention. They talked about old and new times.
He goes to his brothers garage every Saturday from 10am "ish" and doesn’t come home until Sunday 3,4,5 am "ish". no matter what. Leaves me with the farm to take care of. (We don’t have kids). She asked if he would meet up and have lunch and look at her car next Saturday and catch up on old times. She’s an hour away. He said he would…even on his precious Saturday’s. He thinks it’s harmless and said I could go (which he knows I wouldn’t). I’ve always trusted him these 7 years up until lately. Even with the last year of this Sat-Sun at his brothers garage tinkering on crap. I’m pissed off he’s not seeing my thoughts about this and him thinking it should be OK because they grew up together. I think it’s a bullshit excuse. I just have a gut feeling if she put out he’d jump it. Again, I always trusted him and never had concern. Yet, here I sit alone waiting for him and have to beg him to get things done that I want. What are your thoughts?
Absolutely you should go to that lunch. And lay it on thick while you’re there.
The trust is gone, and he doesn’t put in the effort anymore to keep you. It’s time for you to let go of this situation and move on. He’s acting like a single guy, so make him single again.
The fact that you were uncomfortable with his “visit* should have been reason enough for him to back out of fostering any type of relationship with her.
Dump his arse and move on.
He’s already checked out, you should do the same. Someone who cares about you wouldn’t be talking to or meeting up with an old flame.
Dude’s literally choosing to help his old crush with car problems over spending time with you, and you’re supposed to be cool with it because “they grew up together”? Nah that’s some grade A bullshit right there. Your gut is screaming for a reason – listen to it
Yup, and he hates working on cars anymore because that’s all people want from him. He was a diesel mechanic for 20 years. My truck needs work, but he told me to sell it and get something else.
Seems as if there are two very different issues bugging you: his spending every weekend away from you, meaning that you have to work the farm alone; and his keen interest in his old flame. If you want to maintain the relationship, you need to address each of them with him, but before you do, figure out what you think you can reasonably ask him to do. Give you every other weekend? Go no contact with the shady lady? “I’m pissed off he’s not seeing my thoughts about this.” Find out whether he can hear your words. “He thinks it’s harmless and said I could go (which he knows I wouldn’t)”: why the heck not?
If you don’t want to maintain the relationship, given the uneven workload and your mistrust about the other woman, then you need an exit strategy.
Thank you for your response. Yes, at this point, I feel used, and I’m just handy for him. He tells me that I can show up to the garage any time. We don’t drink or do dr*gs. So I wondered how he stays up that long. On Sundays, he’s shot and struggles to stay awake. It’s ridiculous. We’ve had several talks, blow-ups, and arguments about everything, and he still doesn’t understand my side of it. He just tells me I’m not going to keep him from hanging out with his brother. No, that’s not what I want either, but for 16 hours geeze dude. Now this “old” friend thing. I’m fed up.
She needs $$$ for her car repair and suddenly giving him attention and they are going to hook up. Nuh OP don’t accept this. They will end up sleeping together so she can get discounted car service. And the vanishing every Saturday night is bullshit to he could be cheating already. Dump him.
Go, OP! Go. That’ll teach you a lot. (PS: He is totally angling here, with her.)
Tell him to go ahead then you go and leave, him for good!