Hi, I (21F) been in a relationship (23M) for three years. We love each other a lot but we also fight a lot. I need to be upfront: I’ve slapped him 2-3 times in past arguments after he says bad things. and I know that’s not okay. He has reacted by leaving the premises. I’m trying to work on my reactions, and I take responsibility for that. But recently he’s started reacting in scarier ways.
Past incident (2 months ago): We argued in public. I slapped him (not extremely hard but in a funny way and it hit him a little hard more than i expected it to bs), and in response he kicked my water bottle aggressively. It wasn’t playful – it was angry. People were around. It scared me but I ignored it.
Yesterday: We were messing around, he scratched my face/hair "playfully," I tried to push his hand away and accidentally hit his mouth. His tongue came between his teeth and got slightly cut and a little blood came.
He got angry. I said he was overreacting (I know that was dismissive). He then started yelling: "Shut the fuck up" • "Ugly bitch" • Called me a " alcoholic" (he used something I told him vulnerably against me) he was done this before as well when i have told him something about me vulnerably he used it against me in a fight
I snapped and pulled his hair. Then he punched me in the stomach and face. Twice. He apologized later, but also said: "You rage baited me." "I only pushed you away, not punched you." He’s now saying he can’t live without me and begging me that he would never do it again. I take full accountibility lf what i did and i really want to fix myself, what he did was really out of character. My biggest fear is that if i fix myself which i will definetly work on and i patch up with him what if next time something goes south and he initiates the abuse? i want to know what he did was it reactive abuse? also when i confronted him thst you punched me twice he said he was just pushing me away because i was pulling his hair, i remember him punching my stomach very vividly but not my face i did feel something on my lower jaw i dont exactly remember if it was a punch or what. also we both are university students and havent slept together or have a live in relationship. i know he does love me a lot and when we are not fighting everythings so perfect. i might sound very crazy right now, please tell me if this can be fixed or not im ready to work on myself
if this happened with your friend or sister what would you tell her to do?
Toxic. Wtf. Move on.
You want the rest of your life to be like this? No, violence isn’t a red flag, it’s a TKO.
No
You guys shouldn’t be together. Break this off before the police get called and one of you gets arrested.
or killed (murdered)
You both suck and you both need therapy. None of this shit is okay.
But to answer your question. Leave.
Nothing about this sounds romantic… One of you is gonna end up in jail… Leave
Y’all toxic as hell and perfect for each other
The point you’re even considering staying with this guy tells me you’re going to, but no obviously you should not. This is a lethally toxic relationship.
Immediately stopped reading after “we love each other a lot but we are both physically abusive”. That isnt love.
Others have said it, but I’ll say it again. You two need to part ways. Period.
Then get into therapy or whatever it takes to gain control of the violent tendencies.
None of this is ok on any level.
You’re abusing him. He should leave
You suck. The reason is because arguments is one thing but physical violence is a new line that is crossed aside from verbal fighting. Just because he’s bigger and can take it doesn’t mean slapping is okay. What you communicate unintentionally when you slap him is that “physical violence is okay” so when you do it he will do it back when he thinks there’s enough “permission” to do so.
You started this. You may not like to hear this but both of you need a counselor ASAP and learn to navigate discourse and disagreements in a healthy way without being rude or getting violent.
\++man
They’ll be 493 posts by folk telling her to leave this guy.
What will happen?
She’ll stay with him.