Long time listener first time caller. I tried posting this on Charlotte Dobres page ( as with many of us I watched her, kallmekris & Red Flag Guy as well as Smosh Pit but never thought it’d be me writing one ) but a moderator took it down for some reason, even though I sent proof so I’m a little sad about that. Didn’t know where else to post to get help as I know I’m not the AH. I just need some advice and support. Well, where to start, for one I wish I could say I moved in the shadows like I wanted too right away, but the absolute shock had me reacting. However I am NOW, I’ve blended back into the shadows. But I need all of your help everyone. Charlotte, Mike and all of you beautiful people reading this.
Because it gets way worse so please, grab your most comfortable sweater and hold tight to your mugs, because this is some Jerry Springer level surprises. But it’s really my life and I’m only human. So please excuse any typos or run on sentences I’m extremely broken hearted right now. Also I’m so sorry for how long it is but I wanted to include as much context as possible. I wanted to be fair. I never thought this would happen. So I want to preface this by saying if he’d come to me with any of this and talked it out we could have stayed best friends. I was always an open person and never would have been anything but the best support so there is NO excuse for what he did. It’s okay to be confused. It’s NOT okay to drag someone else along with you for over 10 years and bring a child into it. Please keep this in mind as I tell my story.
I ( 33F ) have been with my ‘husband’ ( 34 M ) let’s call him Michael ~ not legally married but law wise we are ~ for over 10 years. We have a child together who he is not blood related to but has been a father too since I was pregnant. He and I had been together before my pregnancy actually, he was my first love. But he had a lot of demons he had to face that he wasn’t able to at the time, and we had broken up.
However fast forward and Michael eventually got his stuff together, got help for his issues ( issues I understand because we both have had a lot of trauma in our, at the time, young lives and the only difference was I was open to help sooner than he was ) and begged for me back. He really did prove he wasn’t the angry boy he’d been before, which had been scary, and did it all trying to win me back. It worked as I never stopped loving him. He was a great Dad who wanted to be a Dad to my daughter when it turns out her own Dad did not want to be, despite purposefully getting me pregnant, but both things are a whole other story I’ll tell someday.
Basically if we press FWD to today, over 10 years after we got back together, we have an amazing life now. It’s a simple life but a wonderful one. A happy home full of love and an amazing little girl who brings such joy and magic to every day. I couldn’t be happier being a Mom and I thought that, despite some of the usual struggles like finances etc, that we had a truly good life. I love him, he’s my best friend, and getting to raise a child with my best friend and love of my life has been such a great experience. The joy always outweighed the hard times. I trusted him with all of my heart and my daughter’s heart. I never saw this coming.
But then today happened. We have eachothers passwords but we never go through eachothers phones. We just use it incase ours is lost or the other person needs us to for whatever reason. So this morning I couldn’t find my phone, and as per usual I grabbed his to call mine. That’s when I saw it. Tons of romantic texts. Really romantic. FROM A GUY.
But wait, my brain shouted, there’s a girls photo here too. I just stared. A young woman and a man’s conversation, a really horribly you know what convo but also full of love notes. But neither was my husband.
That’s when it all came crashing down. The young woman ? When I clicked on her page ~ this was on discord mind you and again I didn’t go snooping it OPENED to this both on his Lock Screen and when I opened his phone ~ it was HIS page. My husbands.
He’s been pretending to be a woman online and has been in a serious relationship with some man for months if not longer. I didn’t want to look. I took photos of the page it opened to and the initial convo and that was it.
He’d be s*sting and romancing a man as a woman on Discord. I didn’t even know what to do.
This just happened today. I am a wreck. I really need support. I confronted him with it, when I wish I had moved in the shadows. I made that big mistake though, and he blew up basically destroying our apartment in his rage of being caught. My broken brain meanwhile loves him so much that all I kept saying was I wish he’d just come to me. I wish he’d told me if he were confused about his sexuality. I would have supported him. I mean I’m bi, I wouldn’t judge and he knows that. I would have helped him. He just kept saying it wasn’t cheating and I was so stupid I should just kill myself.
I talked with a friend of mine and decided I’d rewind and play it cool. Pretend I was actually okay. So I can slowly make a plan to get the F out of here. I have a kid and I can’t have Michael raging like that. I don’t want her world to be torn apart anymore than he already has done to us. I want to keep it safe and civilized for her. But I really need to move in the shadows and get my things in place to get out of here. Problem is I’m out of work at the moment and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to get a job for over a year but in my area it is simply not possible. And I’m not picky, I’d do any job proudly. But if I am out of work I can’t escape. I don’t know what to do. Meanwhile I worked and funded his life for years prior so this is terrible timing.
My brain and heart are both broken. I’m sorry this post is such a mess. I just am so lost. I thought we’d be together forever. Or at least that if we ever did break up, it would be up front and not this.
My husband has been Catfishing men as a woman through his MMORPG and Discord. I don’t even know how to process this. I have no problem with him being bi, or gay, or possibly trans etc. Whatever and whoever he truly is I would have accepted with open arms and love as a best friend even if we couldn’t be married. I want to make that clear. Sadly i love him so much I wanted to support him even when I discovered it. Even through my own heart breaking into billions of pieces. But he threw a tantrum instead. If he’d talked to me about it, I’d have helped him and stayed his best friend. But instead he’s been lying for who knows how long. He stole my safety from me, im mourning not only the love of my life, or I thought was, but our future as a family too. And everything we’ve experienced for over 10 years.
And before anyone gets on me about the phone, again if you saw proof right there of cheating from the person you love you’d look too. I never once went through his phone and even now I didn’t go through it for more proof like so many are saying I should have. I just took a photo of what was there. And thank goodness for that because he tried to gaslight me into saying it didn’t happen. He really tried to delete it and say I was crazy. This is why I took photos. My only regret is I DIDNT go through his phone for more proof. If you don’t want to have this happen then don’t cheat, period. Stop blaming the person who catches them on their phone and start blaming the cheaters.
Please everyone. I’m so lost and alone right now. My family doesn’t live close other than my grandmother who’s older and I don’t want to stress her out. I am so broken hearted but I’m holding it together with what feels like scotch tape so my daughter doesn’t have to suffer. I want to stay strong for her, and I am. I just also want to break down and cry. He stole even that from me with his temper tantrum because I spent the morning cleaning up the wreck he’d made of my things. He threatened to break my belongings if I left. I’m scared and sad. I don’t even have the means to leave without a job. Because I have a little one depending on me. My heart is shattered and I can’t even begin to process it. One moment I had our family, my one anchor, our little loving family and my husband who was also my best friend in the entire world. The next it’s all gone. And he hasn’t even said sorry. We haven’t spoken since he destroyed my stuff in our apartment. I feel trapped and I want to leave but I don’t have the means. Of course now that I’m the one out of work this happens so I can’t even protect myself when I took care of him for years while he was out of work. I need to move in the shadows. But what I really need is some support. I lost not only my partner but my best friend. Why do people cheat ? Just break up with the person. We could have stayed best friends then. Instead he said I love you to some man while telling me he loved me next to me in bed with our daughter watching tv last night and every night. I feel so sick. I feel so lost. It’s so much harder when all of our lives our tangled together. Please, I need support. I never thought I’d write on here but here I am and I’m so grateful for this platform and the community we have through Charlotte especially right now.
TLDR ; My husband catfished men as a woman and has been in a long term relationship with a guy on Discord.