I first want to say I am aware we all grow mentally at different rates. I definitely could be the AH. I am actually wanting opinions.
We have been together for over 38 years. I’ve been the AH numerous of times. I’m petty and vindictive at times in my past. I don’t always see body or verbal cues.
Thursday I was to meet my spouse and one their coworkers for dinner across town. I agreed and had every intention of going. Unfortunately the weather was bad and the mapquest thingy said it would take over an hour and a half to get to the restaurant on the other side of town. I was already looking at a 45 min drive. So I called and explained all this to them. They agreed that it was crazy bad weather. They were already there and would cute their time short. I said that they didn’t need to and to take their time. But to be careful because weather is awful.
I go home which is normally 30 to 35 minutes. This day it was almost an hour. But once home I did a load of clothes cleaned up some stuff in the house, took the trash out for pickup the next day. Set some stuff out for dinner the next day. I fix my own dinner and set down in front of the TV to veg a bit.
My honey come home maybe 45 minutes later. Where I was setting on the couch eating. I said hi and they said the weather was bad and traffic was awful. I agreed with them and they went towards the kitchen area to what I presumed to drop off keys and items that they took with them to work. They didn’t come back to the living room to talk with me. So I continued to eat my dinner and watch my show expecting they would come back and be my friend and tell me about the events of the day.
But that’s not what happened. They stood in the kitchen area *this isn’t an open concept home) basically behind a wall yelling at me that I can’t believe I am not engaging with them. I was floored by this revelation. Because it’s only been maybe less than 5 minutes since they walk in the house. I yelled I am eating dinner. Come in here so we can talk.
God this is so tedious typing out!!!
Anyway they yelled some more and I tried to de-escalate by trying to understand what I had done to piss them off. I asked them again to come and set down which they refused and stormed off to our bedroom upstairs. I was having none of that. I did nothing wrong. If anything I was or did many things so we could enjoy a weekend not bothered by the weekly chores.
I slept in a spare room. Then Friday came and I got up extra early did my morning routine and left an hour early before they got up. Came home and things seemed normal. We talked about nothing and when it came to bed we crawled into bed together. We started talking about the day before and everything started up again. They said we don’t communicate very well sometimes. I agreed and asked why yelling at me was the correct action and how can we head that off before it gets that way. They then tell me I needed to get up and follow them into the kitchen to show support and ask what is wrong. I then said why they couldn’t set in the same room I was in to convey those same words and thought. And how was I to know if anything is wrong if you don’t tell me? I was pissed and went down stairs and slept in the guess room again.
In the morning I got up and started to make breakfast. I went upstairs to asked if they wanted some as well. A peace offering I guess. We ate and they cleaned up the mess. And we vegged the rest of the day. I didn’t get an apology or any real explanation as to why they went off the other day.
Then its time for bed and I started to go to the guest room and they asked why. I explained that I have given grace and have been low-key and civil. But they haven’t given any reason for the brainfart on Thursday or apology. Which lead them to half-ass apologizing which wasn’t sincere. Especially when they said "I’m sorry you didn’t understand what I was needing" I looked at them and said good night.
Here we are now, I am typing on my phone. This is exhausting!! Aitha?? Should I know what they were trying to convey? Am I overreacting? We all grow at different rates. Am I the one not seeing this? I doubt anyone can glean insight with just my limited perspective. But it is a bit therapeutic. Thank you reddit void.