Yesterday I had to take our daughter to the children’s hospital due to a minor accident. He had worked late on the Friday and wasn’t in bed until 7:30am at the point I told him it was 11:30am he thought I was being ridiculous but, said he wasn’t mad and hugged me and went back to sleep. I was at the hospital all day basically as it was busy, and the environment was making me struggle. It’s a big children’s specialist hospital so there’s room you know. Anyway, I text my sister saying I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t get hold of my partner and in the past he would be annoyed at constant calls so I didn’t. She said she would call him and got nothing, so she said she would call my partners mum. She has her number from a while back and they get on really well. My partner’s mum tried to call him and said to my sister if she couldn’t get him she would drive to me. Which is what she ended up doing. She assumed he didn’t know about us being there. When she found out she went to town on him and had a go at him. She told me that later on when we were going home.
So after all of this I am feeling overstimulated and burnt out. I am the main carer for our child, I keep the house and the animals, and I also sort all the finances and make sure bills are paid. He has ADHD and when he was doing it they didn’t get paid so I took control of that. Because his mum was getting emails saying the rent wasn’t paid and she would have to pay etc. so I am doing a lot of both me and my daughter are sick too as well btw.
So the thing here, he got up to use the toilet and I asked him if he was getting up and he said soon. And so I said okay, and then I saw he went back to sleep. This was around 12 midday. He came to bed probably like 5/6am today after work. Anyway I said to him I am burnt out blah blah everything I have explained above basically about yesterday and I’m trying to hold it together I’m stressed out I would appreciate it if he did get up. I left and started watching Christmas movies with my 2 year old. An hour later I went back and he’s mad at this point. I tried to hug him and he said it’s fucking weird. And I was like why is it weird I just been feeling stressed came to have a hug. Now if he said no please don’t hug me because blah blah okay I accept that. But, he was so mean about it that hurt my feelings. He got up, got dressed and ready to leave and I started explaining how he had upset me. And he was like my only options here are to ignore you or shout at you and I was like why. And he’s like because of how you’re speaking to me. And then he goes on to say that everything is a fucking test and it’s weird I watched the clock for an hour. Like I had no idea he had an alarm on for 1pm which is when he got up. And he just walked out slamming the door which scared our child.
You need to grow up and stop using excuse words like “overstimulated”. Life is hard sometimes, but you’d be mad if he woke you up at 2 AM to bitch about his day.
More context is needed. Do you also work? Why are you expecting him to, seemingly, get only a few hours of sleep (like ~4) and then spend the day awake before another night shift? It looks like in the second instance he had planned to try for close to a full 8 hours of sleep before another shift in the afternoon. Does he work 2 jobs? The bill stuff sucks, but it seems to be completely irrelevant to the situation you’re talking about and you yourself attributed it to ADHD which can be a truly debilitating disorder.
Sorry, but YTA. And if the roles were reversed folks on here would explain why in detail.
Maybe no one could get ahold of him because he shut his ringer off because he was, you know, sleeping after working the night shift? And then forgot to turn his ringer on?
Your sister had no business having a go at him. I’d be pissed after that too.
He saying “everything is a test“ is very telling. He’s stressed too. Working the night shift sucks. It’s difficult to be parents of a small child.
I suggest you to go to couples counseling to learn how to communicate with each other better and create a working division of responsibilities.
I’m sure there are millions of people with ADHD who get their bills paid. Adults with ADHD can learn to manage this if they are not infantilized.
I’m not sure I understand what the issue is. Your child went to hospital? How is the child? Is the child ok, was the visit because of a life threatening illness? I think you’re a stay at home mom? Why do you think it’s ok for him to work night shifts & get roughly 4 hours of sleep. Not understanding why you think paying the bills is a hardship. You have a child, time to start growing up.
So he didn’t get home from work until 730, you woke him up at 11 and expected him to go sit at the hospital with you all day then turn around and go back to work that night? Do you have any idea how hard night shift is and what it does to your body? How would you feel if he woke you up at 1am and asked you to get up and not be able to go back to sleep until the following night? YTA. Sorry, but it’s just part of the deal when your partner works nights. You have to be responsible for more sometimes when he is not available and getting sleep is one of those times.
I gew up with a parent rhat worked nights. Unless it was a emergency or the house was burning , do not disturb
Yta, bro stop waking him up he came home from nightshift Its the same as him waking you up at 2am. You wouldn’t be happy and would get pissy yourself its not a hard concept to grasp
Yta
for a minor accident, he should have been allowed to sleep. Night shift workers are always treated like they don’t “need” to sleep. They do.
Like 4-5 hours is supposed to be enough sleep lol. Get the f out of here. YTA OP. Just because someone goes to bed at 7:30 doesn’t mean they fall asleep instantly. 11:30? I’d be furious.
Same.i used to work graveyards and the number one thing that made me stop wasn’t that didn’t like the hours. It was the way everyone acted like I was being ridiculous for not wanting to be woken up at my midnight or 2am, aka 2pm.
Like I was selfish for wanting FULL SLEEP.
contractors, landlords, people vacuuming outside my door at noon and 2pm as if I didn’t need sleep.
Imagine me vacuuming at 2am. Id be murdered lol.
But somehow it’s ok to ignore that im sleeping?
But you don’t have a job?
He needs 6-8 hours of sleep a night. So if he is in bed at 6, let him sleep until 2. Then he can care for the kid and you can rest until he goes to work.
I know it’s not that simple but split it up. He needs a full night sleep to go out and do physical work
YTA – so he worked all night. Then you woke him up to complain at him? I suspect he worked and you don’t? I’m sorry you’re burned out as the caregiver but was that what you decided? To be a SAHM? So … get a job and pay for daycare? Your story is messy and I’m not sure how this is your husbands fault. Would you want someone to wake you after a few hours of sleep to have a conversation?