I 25F and my boyfriend is a 38M. This year is going to be our fifth Christmas together. When it comes to the holidays his family is always prioritize. This year we moved to a bigger house that allows us to host more people than we’ve ever hosted before. His family only consists of four including himself and I have four siblings plus my sister is married with four children. The plan was to get my family to book hotel rooms and his would stay at the house. Since I’ve brought up the idea his mom gave me the vibe that she wasn’t really on board. It’s hard to explain, but it would be little comments and facial expressions. About two weeks ago we got news from his mother that she couldn’t come anymore due to the grandma just having to have surgery. His grandmother lives in an assisted living facility and bf mom visits her regularly. My boyfriend then planned to go back home for Christmas. Since they weren’t coming anymore, I called my family and told them that they don’t need to get any hotels. I’m comfortable with my family and my idea was we can put air mattresses out for those who can’t fit in beds. This past week his parents came to visit for a few days. His mother totally tried to disregard what she said after I told her my Christmas plans. I was around and the phone was on speaker when she said she couldn’t come anymore. I didn’t say anything and planed to talk to my bf about later. I felt like I was getting gaslighted. While I was inside cleaning the kitchen my BF and his parents were outside. When I was done, I went to joined them. I was all the sudden hit with news that his mother was currently booking his tickets to go to his parents outside the date ranges we spoke about. I was so taken aback because the dates we picked was to avoid overlapping with my family while they’re here. Plus he’s a grown man and he doesn’t need his mother picking out his tickets. I initially did straight up said “no” it’s not going to work in front of everyone. I was trying to really hold it together because that’s something I wanted to talk to him privately. It turned into this whole thing of him accusing me of not wanting him home for Christmas, when that was the original plan. He was going to travel home on December 23rd and come back home on the night of the 25th or 26. The whole thing ended with him saying in front of his parents that “it’s his house and if he wanted to be home for Christmas then he could”. Which is fair, but I don’t understand where all the animosity was coming from. I made dinner that night and offered to cook a traditional dish from my culture and she kept insisting on saving it for “Christmas “. Lots of comments about how she needed to make sure they stripped everything for my “visitors”.
My bf totally ignored me and pretended like I was invisible the rest of the time they were visiting. I had to break down crying and he eventually stopped, but still he still can’t see where I am coming from
I don’t understand why your boyfriend can’t be present on Christmas while your family is there.
Don’t know what’s going on but stop dating people 13 years older than you that are in fact still immature
She was 20 when they first got together. I think your comment should be, ´your boyfriend is an immature prick for dating someone 13 years younger than him’. He’s also clearly just a prick.
You should move out of his house and his life.
The Christmas stuff is bad but that his house stuff is the real danger sign. Find a place to live, pack and leave. He will always treat you as a dependent not a partner.
NTA
‘I 25F and my boyfriend is a 38M’ – stopped reading after this.
Right out of the gate I find it very strange a 33M would date a 20F. It’s Not normal.
Tbh I had a hard time reading and understanding your message, but it sounds like you’re NTA and there was both a miscommunication and a weird power balance here.
As someone who is turning 25 in 4 months – can I ask why or how you are together with someone so much older than you? Especially since you’ve dated for years, its a bit strange to me that someone in their 30s would want to date a 20y/o. Especially with the weird dynamic and the comment about it being his house – do you feel he limits what you do and you are missing out on ‘normal’ 20-25 y/o activities with that. Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?
Not from a judging perspective, but I often see these things with similar age-gap relationships around me
Has this been going on since you were 20 and he was 33? Maybe he’s getting the vibes I would be giving him if you were my daughter.
NTA – babe, you’re 25. The house is great I’m sure and I know you love him. And I know you’ve spent 5 years of your life invested in this relationship, but this man is a massive, manipulative mommas boy loser who DOES NOT respect you. It’s clear from sooooo much in this post, in particular that it’s his house so he decides, his family are prioritised at Christmas, his plans have changed for the third time so your family has to spend a fortune on hotels, it’s insane. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. You deserve someone who respects you as an equal. There is just one bigger mistake than wasting 5 years of your life on a guy and that’s spending 5 years and a day with him. Please leave him. At 25 you have your whole life ahead of you you don’t need this bullshit.
Edited for clarity
Yep. It’s so obvious. This is exactly WHY he was 33 year-old going after a 20 year-old. He is not an adult. He’s a mama’s boy loser who wanted to trap you early, when you wouldn’t know any better – wouldn’t know how a real adult relationship is supposed to look, wouldn’t know how to stand up for yourself, so he could just steamroll his way through the relationship and hold his age, money, and experience over you.
You’ve spent 5 years with him – that’s enough. You are still plenty young enough to start over with someone else – many someone else’s.
This guy does not love you. He does not respect you. Don’t waste any more time.
Can you use paragraphs, please? And punctuation? Your post is tough to get through.
When he leaves for Christmas pack your shit and leave for good.
Fifth year together? So you were 20 and he was 33? Girl… date someone your own age.
This whole post is confusing but 38 and 25 and fifth Christmas together gave me the ick. I may need a shower to feel not gross.