Me and my bf have been together for 3 1/2 years, when we met I was 16 and he was 19. When we first met he told me his mother wouldn’t like me if she knew I was 16 due to a past relationship. So he told her I was 17 and in college. I lied to her for 3 1/2 year and I feel horrible about it, she just recently found out bc she helps us with our apartment. Now she won’t talk to me, she invited me to Christmas Dinner but she said she was being VERY generous. Me and her have been close and she’s always been like a second mother to me. I’ve never lied to her about anything else except this, due to being nervous she wouldn’t like me. Now she hates me and I don’t know what to do. I don’t plan on going to the dinner because I don’t want to cause issues, and I just plan on leaving it be I guess? I told my bf that there’s nothing more I can do, because I sent her a lengthy message about how sorry I am and how horrible I felt about lying and how I can’t imagine how she feels. I feel honestly destroyed rn and idk what to do…
Edit: I forgot to mention that he took responsibility and tried fighting that it wasn’t my fault and I had nothing to do w it. She basically said she doesn’t give af about me anymore and wants nothing to do with me and that it’s my fault their relationship is ruined now.
1 year isnt much. She’ll get over it or needs to
She might be more mad at him for being 19 and dating a 16
You skipped over the part where your boyfriend takes responsibility for this. Where’s he in this situation?
He did take responsibility for it, and told her that it I wasn’t involved but she ignored him and basically said it’s my fault.
If you stay with this guy, this will be your life. Everything will be *your* fault. Why is the house messy? Why is your husband eating *that* for dinner? Why didn’t your husband remember his mom’s birthday? Why didn’t the kids send me thank you cards for Christmas?
And he won’t stick up for you for any of it.
So your bf has a history of dating girls that are too young for him so he had you lie so he could avoid his mother holding him accountable? And now that she feels betrayed and upset you’re making it about you and your timetable. She’s probably far more upset at him and the situation but also very hurt by you since it sounds like she let you into her heart.
Seriously cool it and give her some space. Work on yourself and deal with the discomfort of someone being mad at you. Take this as a lesson to center the person who has been hurt. Healing comes at their pace not yours. Also keep an eye out for any signs that your partner is actually more problematic than you think. Likely isn’t an issue but be careful about the power balance between you two.
it seems weird that she’s mad at you for him dating someone too young for him?
She’s mad bc we lied to her about my age
why did he need to lie? you said because of a past relationship what does he have charges? is he on the SO registry? like why did you have to say you were 17 not 16?
no, he lied to her about being sexually active and she found out. They were the same age.
what does that have to do with your age?
I’m not sure what his thought process was, but she’s very hard on him. He gets a lot of his insecurities from her. Our relationship isn’t affected by her bc she is normally very nice, but this through me for a surprise
something else is going on there girl i’m sorry to tell you. she has a right to be mad because him having you lie about it in the first place is weird. if you say you and her are close it makes sense that she’s upset that you weren’t honest with her. lying to her about something so major is a red flag. but i’m genuinely concerned for you, i know 3 years is not a major age gap, however the timing is odd. freshman/senior relationship is one thing because you have the same day-to-day, you’re in the same place in life. both in school and sports and living at home, depending on the laws in your state you may even both have part-time jobs. 16 and 19 is odd, even if he’s in college. 16 year olds are worrying about homecoming & history class, 19 year olds are theoretically becoming more independent, possibly living on their own even if just in a dorm, working full-time, responsible for some bills, starting their career, etc. if they’re not thats VERY concerning. but what does a 16 year old have in common with a 19 year old if they’re didn’t start dating in school? did he going to come to your senior prom at 21? i was working full-time living in my own apartment at 21. i would not have been caught dead at a prom. like just to put that in perspective for you. something if very off with that situation and he knows it which is most likely why he had you lie to his mother.
He lied because he knew she would be pissed her 19 yr old was dating a junior in highschool. He even threw in college to try to minimize it. She has a right to be pissed. Your BF is the AH, but you went along with the lie and lied to her too.