My (21F) roommate(26M) is on my last nerve. For context, i am not perfect. I leave dishes in the sink, have a lot of plants everywhere, and also have a cat who can be a little stinker at times (she knocks over the christmas tree and wants to be in the bathroom with you). My roommate keeps leaving for days on end without telling anyone where he went, leaving dog (two large breeds [male pitte, female german sheppards]) care on me. He also left dog period blood around the house and never cleaned it up, keeps letting the dogs in when my cat is out, then claims that he "saved kibby" by putting the dogs back out where they are supposed to be (landlords requirements). The roommate also keeps leaving without telling anyone? Leaving me taking care of a cat, two large breed dogs, and cleaning up his mess. I can’t move yet because I am too poor. I already spoke to the landlord but i am seriously at my limit.
WIBTA if I threw out the clothes he left everywhere? or at least cleaned out the fridge of all the expired food he leaves in there?
WIBTA if I threw out the clothes he left everywhere? – YWBTA HERE (depending on where you live this could be considered theft) or at least cleaned out the fridge of all the expired food he leaves in there? YWNBTA HERE… Be an adult and talk to your roommate…
The thing is, I have spoken to him many times. However, you are right. I think writing it down on paper or a text would be better. Thank you!
If your roommate’s behavior stayed exactly the same, but he openly thanked you for “being the responsible one” every time he left, would that make it feel more tolerable, or more infuriating?
If you imagine someone else in your exact situation (stuck, broke, and exhausted) choosing not to throw out the clothes or clean the fridge because they “didn’t want to be petty,” what do you instinctively feel toward them?
If your cat could speak, and she watched you taking care of everyone else’s needs but your own, what would she ask you that you’ve avoided asking yourself?
Honestly i would be even more upset. I can barely teach myself how to be an adult and have responsibilities, muchless someone else. Also the part about the cat thing genuinely made me tear up. I have zero issues with the dogs, they arent the best behaved but they are very sweet and loving towards humans only. I have no issues with taking care of other people or being in mildly unsafe environments. However, i want my furry daughter to have the best, most nurturing environment possible.
NTA. But just let his dogs out. The front door. Tell him they just ran out.
Lmao, they have pushed passed me twice while i was trying to come inside after work. both times i was the one to run after them and get them. i feel like this is a major sign lol
thats horrible to do to the dogs
NTA. That’s super irresponsible and unfair. However, as far as the clothes and food, I’d say put all the clothes in a garbage bag and then leave the bag on top of his bed or in his room. And rotten food I think is totally fair to throw away
Next time he comes back it sounds like it’s time to have a serious convo with him about all of this
NTA. Time to look for a new place
Yes you would be yta for destroying his property. You can call humane society for pet abandonment, you can be petty and leave all his trash in a pile in his room/door, but not throw it away.
1. Spoiled rotten food needs to be thrown out. Clean the fridge with a $1 box of baking soda from Dollar General or Dollar Tree. How can you be the AH for cleaning a shared place?
You are stuck and poor. So all you can do is what you can to make your living spaces clean.
2. Gather all his clothing scattered around the bathroom and house in shared spaces. Put it in a big garbage sack and put it on his bed.
3. If you’re braver and I would be, pretend you’re his fed up mother and gather all the empty cans, empty water bottles, and empty his trash. You don’t want mice, rats, cockroaches, and ants. Should you have to? No, but he’s not doing it and you’re broke and stuck living there and I’d do what I needed to do to not live in a disgustingly filthy place.
4. Next time he’s home, ask if he’ll let you leave rent free or half rent if you keep the place clean. I’m serious. He’s clearly not going to do it. He disappears for days. Girlfriend? Bros? Who knows? You’re broke. Think of it like a second job and getting ahead.
5. He’s unconcerned about his big dogs and that does concern me. Do they have free rein of the house? Is the yard fenced? Do they spend part time outside and part inside? Is there a vacuum because Shepherds SHED? Do they get walked when he’s home? Do they tear things up? Jump? If he’s expecting YOU to feed his dogs and keep them from crapping and peeing all over the house? Sure sounds like it. One is not fixed and is bleeding twice a year? He needs to pay you for caring for them. Again, you should be living for free if you’re cleaning and caring for pets.
6. You’re stuck for the time being kiddo. Try to negotiate a deal. “I’ll keep this place clean, care for the dogs, and pick up after you if you let me live here for free so I can save money. Cover my utilities and I’ll add doing your laundry and making your bed. However, you need to get the female dog fixed so she isn’t bleeding all over the house.
Here’s an unrelated question. Have you thought about joining the military for two years to get on your feet or four years to earn college money? If you’ve already got some college, that will count on entry to a higher rank. For kids with no family help, it’s a step up in life if you don’t go all gung ho and join Marines or Army and put your life on the line. I’m not saying the Navy and Air Force isn’t dangerous but most of the time you’re more likely to die in a car crash at that age.
Good luck, OP. I have too many plants, too, and I have been known to leave dishes in the sink. Dog period? Yuck. My dogs are fixed. Clothes all over the house and bathroom? Never. That’s what a chair in the bedroom is for. LOL Rotten food in the frig? Rarely and that’s usually something that got shoved in the back and forgotten.
Seriously, OP. I think you have some unexplored options to negotiate here. If not? Join the Navy. See the world. Japan. Hawaii. Italy. Join the Air Force. Maybe see Germany or Italy. I’m old. I married military and if I had my life to do over again, I’d have joined the military music program instead of majoring in education.
I can absolutely fill in on the “mom” role. I already put all of his clothes in his room and plan on putting all of his marijuana stuff in there too. I cant join the military because of my cat, i am her mom and she matters too much to me. the dogs arent his, but the landlord. the landlord is my bil….and roommates best friend… i think my best option is to be a b-word and keep a strict code on how things are conducted here until i move. plus after i move, no one else would stay here long unless roommate’s actions change