throwaway account for this one !
I 19f, and my boyfriend 22m like going out often whether on dates or friend outings. I recently moved cities so our friends are all his friends. Im close with a couple girls in the group and the guys are alright most of the time. We mostly have a big problem because his guy friends often try to make my boyfriend pay for everything, and if not my boyfriend their girlfriends.
About a week and a bit ago me and my boyfriend went out with these friends and only one of the girlfriends could come out. So me and this girl get really drunk and i pay for both our drinks because she was good company and I had lots of fun, and I had extra money on me. We go to leave and her boyfriend says she doesn’t have a charge on her card and did she pay for her drinks. She tells him I paid. He proceeds to get incredibly angry yelling to my bf that I never pay for everyone so why’d I just spend that much on drinks for her and I should pay for everyone since im feeling generous. The girl tried to tell her bf to calm down and I was being nice, and I shouldn’t be forced to pay for him. but then mt boyfriend started agreeing. This got me incredibly pissed.
He said it isn’t fair to single out everyone by paying for one person and starts listing guys who “forgot their wallets” or don’t have enough money. I told him im not talking to him right now as it was extremely loud in that place and we were all having to yell over the noise and I wasn’t arguing in public. Also I was incredibly wasted. So me and the girl walk out the club and got our uber and dipped. My boyfriend talked to me the morning after and said I disrespected him infront of his friends and leaving in the middle of a conversation was not fair to him.
My side was that he tried to demand i pay for eight of his guy friends who have never shouted me anything before and let his friend yell at me as a man yelling at a woman. I said there should be no situation where a man gets aggressive with me over anything and he defends that. His side is basically that I spoke defensively to the guy who was worried about his tab.
He is telling me to message the guy and make it right because the guy is talking shit about me in their group chat. told him he should be defending me instead of acting like this guys bitch instead of defending his woman and im actually getting the ick from him behaving like this. He’s extremely upset and saying I disrespected him and am refusing to see his side and his friends agree. Hes also upset because I said im getting the ick after we’ve been dating for a year and hes angry im using “TikTok language” to refer to a very serious relationship instead of communicating and trying to see where hes coming from.
AITA?, any advice is welcome. thanks
edit: it must have deleted but i called my bf a bitch for not telling the guy off in the gc which is where I called him names.
NTA-
The core issue is betrayal, not money.
You owe no one eight tabs—your generosity was a choice for one person, not a mandate for the group of moochers.
Your boyfriend failed you completely. He allowed his friend to yell aggressively at you and then agreed that you should pay. His focus on you being “disrespectful” is deflection.
Do not apologize to the friend. Your boyfriend should be defending you, not demanding you appease the person who yelled at you. His priorities are backwards.
Consider that the “ick” is a valid feeling that he showed you his true colors when put under pressure from his friends.
This comment sums it up so well. The behavior is very little about the money and so much about your boyfriend not having your back.
He shouldn’t be a boyfriend after this!
NTA Never pay anyone tab. If you can’t afford to go out don’t go out. Your bf and his friends can get fuc*** sounds like he’s only with you for money.
Eewe dump him
NTA. In the era of bank transfers and apps, nobody can use the excuse of forgetting their wallet.
At least you now know where you stand, with your boyfriend and his friends.
Ooof girl leave he can’t even think for himself
NTA
You are surrounded by a bunch of entitled sponges that aren’t your friends. Why are all of the guys treating you girls. you have the right to treat who you want especially those who are fun to be around.
Make him your ex boyfriend, he is being ridiculous.
If bf’s friend was worried about his tab, he shouldn’t have run it up.
Why is said friend checking his gfs card?
Why is same friend shouting at op?
Why is op’s bf not defending her?
Time to get a new bf with new friends.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to pay his tab with the gfs card and there wasn’t enough money on it. That’s why he knew.
NTA your bf & his friends are scrubs. Who tf goes out & expects someone else to pick up their tap, much less tell another person they must spend their money on them. Bounce
Geez. Why are you even with your boyfriend? He and his guy friends are jerks. They seriously expect you to pick up everyone’s tab?
NTA
Pretty obvious you’re NTA
>He said it isn’t fair to single out everyone by paying for one person
You know who whines that something *isn’t fair*? 4 year olds.
>starts listing guys who “forgot their wallets” or don’t have enough money.
A bunch of people conveniently “forgot their wallets”? Sure… good thing they weren’t carded.
>My boyfriend talked to me the morning after and said I disrespected him infront of his friends and leaving in the middle of a conversation was not fair to him.
WTF is he smoking?
>any advice is welcome
Dump this asshole and his parasitic friends.