I 30 (f) have been married to my husband (34) for 2 years. We recently had a baby who is almost 2 months old.
Because of our newborn we did not spend Thanksgiving with anyone and chose to stay home. We both have large families.
I am still healing from giving birth and I’d really like to see my immediate family for Christmas. I told my husband and we agreed to invite them over.
His parents called and asked if we’d be going to their house for Christmas (they typically host his immediate family). My husband told them no and we’d be hosting our own Christmas.
His parents then texted me asking what they should bring to Christmas. I politely told them they were not invited. They told me they want to see their grandchild and I told them I understood that but that they were not invited to the house that day. His mom then proceeded to tell me I’m manipulating her son and keeping her grandchild away and I’m a horrible wife and mother. I just responded by saying thank you because I didn’t know what else to say.
My husband didn’t know she texted me until after he got home from work. He understands my point but I just know he feels like he’s stuck in the middle.
We are having very limited people and I am not close to his family. I don’t like his mom and I don’t want to be with them while I’m healing.
AITA?
YTA. It would have been simple enough to say “We’re just staying home this year”. Instead you made them feel left out. But what do you care? You don’t like them anyway.
INFO – Are you also making any plans to see his family around xmas? Is only your family allowed to meet your baby and not them?
YTA – I understand that you’re not fond of his mother but she IS his mother and your childs grandmother. not to mention it seems like you’re playing favorites. Why not have your parents in the morning and his parents in the afternoon for a few hours?
Why would you do this? You are entering your parents and cutting out your husband’s family. YTA
YTA for not arranging a different day (perhaps Boxing Day?) for them to visit. Having a small Christmas gathering is fine, but your husband and his family, which includes your child, deserve to celebrate the holidays together too.
YTA in this case. Either invite them over for another day when you knew you were going to invite your own family. Could be a week or two afterwards even just for some coffee.
But don’t sit on your high horse pretending that only inviting your own family and actively shutting them out woudnt hurt his family.
I’m sure it also hurts for your husband deep down but he won’t push it since you recently gave birth.
YTA. This isn’t a situation where you decide who can come to the hospital when you have the baby. You’re specifically telling his parents you’re doing Christmas with only immediate family and they aren’t invited. You’re causing issues.
This kind of reads like you have no intentions of letting his family meet your baby. I’m sure you have reasons for not liking his mom but when you get married you marry the family to and completely excluding them is quite rude and really not fair to your husband. I don’t like my husbands family either but we still see them every Christmas because thats just what you do when your married. YTA in this situation based on the information given.
YTA without a doubt.
YTA. You’re okay with seeing your family, but not his so of course he feels caught in the middle. And to them, you’ve given no real explanation why they can’t come other than you’re still recovering. But you’ve recovered enough to see your family. They are asking what they can bring to your house, so it doesn’t seem like they are expecting you to cater to them. You’re just saying no to them and yes to your family.
You’re hiding behind the “oh, I’m still healing” excuse but you said the quiet part out loud. You don’t like his mom.
EDIT: I’ve been reading your responses to other YTA comments. If your MIL is as bad as you say she is, if her disrespect is as bad as you say it is, if your husband is really in agreement about the holidays as you say he is…you wouldn’t be on reddit as AITA. Something else is going on that you’re not explaining.
YTA. I don’t buy the healing excuse. Your child is 2 months old and you’re entitled to be tired, but having the baby’s grandparents stop by for a visit is not going to impact your “healing.” Don’t invite them for dinner if you don’t want to, but I understand the MIL thinking they would be included, and it was nice of her to ask what she could bring. I imagine there’s more to the story than her going off on you about manipulating her son.
YTA. You’re showing blatant favoritism to your parents.
YTA
It’s been two months and you’re inviting your family over. This is about not liking your in laws, not healing.
Your husband and child have the right to spend time with his family too.