so me (22F) and my friend (22F) went to get a couple drinks after she got off work last night. it started out cool, we went to the first bar to just yap and get ourselves started on drinking. then while we were at the second bar she called our mutual friend to come meet us. when the friend got there we decided to go to another bar that closed later. a couple minutes in some random guy started making small talk with me, but i was abruptly pulled away by my friend. she then pulled me aside and said her coworker came up to her and said “she needs to leave now. if not she won’t be going home tonight.” it was weird and vague and i assumed he meant if i don’t leave something bad is going to happen bc i looked drunk and vulnerable not that he was going to do something to me. so i decided to just call an uber and leave after asking my friend if it was cool. and our mutual friend had said on our way to the bar that she got us if we need a ride home. so i assumed i was leaving her in good hands. once i leave i start getting a bunch of texts and calls from her saying im weird and a horrible friend. so we go back and forth arguing then i offer to pick her up bc i only ubered to my car which was 3 mins away. she said no. so i went home. now she’s saying that im a bad friend bc she felt unsafe and bc we came together so we should’ve left together which is how we usually roll but idk i wanted to leave early anyways and i made sure she was ok before i left so i didn’t see a problem with it. what do you guys think?
Miscommunication and almost no clarity in the post
I am a big believer in never leaving anyone behind. I’ve even gotten into fights with friends over it and sat awkwardly in various spots around the world while a friend was hooking up but I didn’t leave any of them. I had a little age on me by Natalie Halloway’s disappearance but my sissy was still young and I remember my dad telling both of us that Natalie would still be here if her friends had stayed with her.
In the future, it may behoove you to set boundaries before going out. In my old age, I have embraced the Irish goodbye so I set the tone at step one: I will text you and let you know I’ve left. Or do the opposite: we will only stay in this area and we all leave together. Period. End of story. Boundaries can be renegotiated at a later sober date but not when someone has imbibed.
yea usually i wouldn’t leave her alone when we go out. like we’ve gone out almost every weekend for a year and i’ve never left her side. i felt like i was the problem in this situation so i left trying to de escalate it. she was with our mutual friend and had a ride so i thought she’d be cool.
It was definitely awkward. When I was your age, I had a sorority sister I had to follow around and make sure her drunk ass got home safely. I’m about to call her up and remind her of those times from 30 years ago. She’s grandma now, I’m sure she’s really going to appreciate me bringing up the time in the Bahamas. And the time in Vegas. And plenty of times back in our college town. I’m sure she’ll be thinking warm fuzzy thoughts of you as I hand her this early Xmas gift 😂.
None of this makes sense…
Soo. Ur friend was told something rather unsettling. She felt unsafe. She came to u. And UR the one that decided U should leave early? Ik u offered to come back for her but u should have definitely left with her the second she told u she was told that comment. Maybe to u it meant nothing. But to her it meant something. YTA.
well the comment was directed towards me…
Gotcha. My mistake. Everyone should have still left together tho :/ I hope shes not angry at you still, just don’t repeat the mistake next time (0_0)
NTA if you ubered to your car to drive home and your mutual friend was talking about driving you both home, then the 2 of you were sober enough to judge that your 3rd friend was sober and sincere in saying she was ok for you to leave. Even if she was in front of someone who wasn’t safe and she couldn’t say so in front of him, you offered to pick her up and she refused. She doesn’t get to have it both ways, saying you’re horrible for not staying with her but telling you to leave and not go back for her.
This friendship sounds exhausting. Don’t party with her anymore. NTA.
Yta for no paragraphs
Immediately yes. I didn’t even read your post to know this…. You don’t leave your friends behind ever unless they fully say “you can go” even then they say this you ask them a billion times the question over & over again so it’s consistent. YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS ALONE!!
YTA for drunk driving