My three close friends (25F, 23F & 23F) and I (25F) have been in a friend group for a while now. One of them (25F) got into a long distance relationship with her girlfriend (23F) around February. Whenever her girlfriend visits her, she sometimes brings her to the outing. One of the three friends and I don’t really like her bringing her there as she’s not a part of the friend group. There’s a language barrier as she only speaks Korean, and while we speak some Korean, it’s gotten rusty over time. She doesn’t really contribute to the conversation (understandable to an extent due to the language barrier) and usually sits there glued to our friend. We don’t have anything against her on a personal level, but we don’t really like how our friend just assumes we’re okay with it when all she does is sit there and doesn’t really understand our inside jokes, topics of conversation etc., and we barely know her due to the aforementioned reasons. We really want to talk to the other friend to ask how she feels about it and then bring it up to the friend with the girlfriend. The third friend is also dating someone, yet she doesn’t have the need to bring them to our group hangouts and hasn’t even suggested it, whereas this other friend has asked in the past. The fact that I feel this way makes me feel super guilty and mean and don’t think she’s a bad person, but I really don’t feel like she’s a part of our friend group just because she’s dating my friend. Am I the asshole?
Info: how often is the gf visiting? What proportion of your meetups does she end up attending?
You don’t like her because you don’t know her? You object to her presence because … you don’t know her?
What’s the actual problem here? What problem is being caused by her being there?
There’s not enough info in here for a judgment. But I would offer the alternative viewpoint that if you’re long distance you have a finite amount of time with your other half, therefore, will need to hang out with their friends when you see each other face to face
If the friend is a long distance relationship, you cannot expect her to ditch her gf to hangout with you.
And if you all can speak some Korean, you could take this opportunity to actually improve your Korean.
Anyways, sounds like YTA.
YTA.
This is some high school level mean girl BS. She is a foreigner who doesn’t speak the language, you admit you speak some, but refuse to use this as a moment to brush up on the language and you’re mad that… this girl who doesn’t know anyone and whose GF’s friends are being catty is quiet? Grow up and try extending some friendship to this person.
Get left behind if you want. I choose to adapt with my friends instead of assuming life is the way I want forever
Then perhaps yall should not meet when her gf is in town. Just tell your friend that yall can always meet another time and understand that she wants to spend her time with her partner.
But perhaps, she just wants her partner to get to know her friends or doesnt want to leave her partner alone at home when she comes over to visit. I would be upset if i came over to meet my long distant partner and he spent time with his friends instead.
But it is also possible that she does this so that yall dont think she would only hang out with yall when her partner is not around.
If she only comes once in awhile, as a friend, why not accommodate? It is not like she is around all year round? If my friend is really happy with someone and shes in a ldr, i would try to make it easier for her.
Maybe try a little harder to get to know your friend’s gf? I am getting mean girl vibes. 🤷🏻♀️ language barrier is not the issue. I have friends who barely understand English but we make it work. The friend group will suffer if you keep dividing. What if your friends treated your visiting SO that way just bc he couldn’t keep up with the convo? He/She just isn’t cool enough?
YTA. Your reasons for not wanting her around can all be solved by… her being around more. Get to know her better. This is how friend groups begin, and grow. Speaking of growing… you could do a little of that while you’re at it.
YTA.
INFO: since this is a long-distance relationship, can you explain specifically how this is anything other than an occasional awkward inconvenience for you?
Surely you can imagine the ridiculous logistic behind what you’re wanting: your friend’s gf travels to visit her, and she leaves her at home whenever she wants to hang with you guys?
What are you even talking about?!
You are way more than just an AH in this situation.
Just get to know her. Make an effort. Wtf, yeah, yta.
YTA. It’s not worth hurting your friend’s feeling (or her gf). She’s leaving soon, just grin and bear it til she leaves like a good friend would.