About 12 years ago my ex-husband’s family gave us their daughts’ old toys for our kids. Our oldest was maybe 3. We now have 3 boys and the youngest is 9. They gave it all to us, I even offered it back at some point but they didn’t want any of it so I put it in our basement in boxes. They said they had no use it for.
Now their nephew had a baby a year ago. Suddenly they wanted everything back to give to this baby. Who, btw, I don’t know and never will. Nor will I likely ever meet the parents. I only see the grandparents at funerals every few years. I was a little bothered but for the most part I didn’t really care. I even gave the kid some of my kids old baby toys that were still around. But there were a couple of items I didn’t want to give up.
One of them I said I wasn’t ready and then they went over to my then husband and asked him to get it and he did. I wasn’t mad at him because he didn’t know. But they clearly manipulated him. I let it go.
There is one last toy. it’s large, like an indoor playhouse. For being 40 years old, its in pretty good shape. My youngest just didn’t want to get rid of it. Then neither did the middle one and honestly, I wanted to keep it. I have a lot of memories with it.
They were coming to a bbq at my ex’s and I was going. We get along well now.
I politely said, my kids weren’t done with it and I would see if they would give it up after Christmas. This upset my ex’s family quite a bit because they had already promised they would bring this toy next weekend and weren’t go to see them again for a few months. They proceeded to text my ex and have him ask the kids if they were ok with it leaving. He didn’t know about the texts from me. They got more and more irate and were not asking, just making demands and giving orders. I ended up not going over and not seeing them at all.
I told her she was being very rude to try to pit my ex against me and he told them the same thing. They feel they own this toy and don’t understand why I won’t give it back. They want to hand it to the next generation. I remained polite the entire time. And btw, this toy would be going to the grandparents house who watch the baby a few times a week. They are quite well off and could easily afford to get this toy brand new. This is the only grandchild for them.
They feel I am keeping their property from them and it does not belong to me. I don’t feel like I’m being selfish here but my mom died recently and I lost my job and I’m pretty emotionally fragile so maybe I’m not thinking well. Thoughts?
Edit: this toy is not in the basement. I gave all the other toys back that were in the basement. This toy is upstairs in the playroom and is used daily.
NTA…They need to look up the meaning of the word “gift.” Once they gift the items to you, they’re not theirs anymore.
Right? What if OP had already passed them onto to someone else, donated them, etc?
Seems like they wanted to use her as free storage until they wanted the toys again, but that’s not how it works.
NTA. ‘NO’ is a complete sentence.
I hate when people do this and earmark stuff to their siblings or cousins new kids. My mom did this to me having me give majority of my kids stuff to my sister and I don’t expect any of them back, but my mom and sister kept asking me if I wanted anything back ( told them what I wanted ) but wasn’t able to get most of the ones I wanted back or getting items in very used confusions leading to awkward conversations and relationship.
INFO: a bit confused – is this 40 year old toy previously passed around in their family? and is it in boxes in storage or out being played with your kids?
NTA
The thing with gifted toys for kids is that it is good to return the favour whenever possible, to give them more life but ultimately, once you give something away, it isn’t yours
NTA They gave it to you and your kids use it. Ignore them or block them if you need to
They should have been upfront that it was a loaner, not a gift. It’s not unusual for people to hold on to a few sentimental toys. That said, it does seem like a damn shame to leave that indoor playhouse gathering dust in your home.
NTA
This isn’t a library. They belong to you. They already manipulated your ex once. Nta
NTA. What are you? A storage facility? Definitely NTA
“They want to hand it down to the next generation.” Do they not realize that when your kids get married and have kids those kids will be the “next generation” and would probably like to have stuff down to their kids?
NTA. It’s not their property. They gave it to you, now it’s yours.
NTA. The item belongs to you and your children still play in it, even if not as often as they used to. If the item were just collecting dust in a basement I would understand their attitude but you still wouldn’t be wrong to say no.