My dad has been having heart issues. He had heart surgery this February. His recent test results came back positive.
My parents are avoiding gatherings during the holidays since they are afraid my dad becoming sick. But with me having the flu and COVID shots and his results coming back good I decided to go to my friend’s party. I needed to get out of the house. I get SAD during the winter and being in the house makes me feel anxious.
When I told my mother she flipped, and said I’m forbidden to see my dad until next year, and that I’m selfish and I only care about myself. I explained that I don’t want to be locked in my house 24/7 especially during winter and she said nobody cares about her stress.
Was I the asshole for attending my friend’s party?
Leaning NTA because you can’t be expected to stay in your house forever. Eventually you need to go to work and school, buy stuff, socialize, etc. Maybe a reasonable compromise could be that you wait a few days agger a gathering before seeing your Dad.
INFO: Do you live at home? Are you in school?
I live by myself.
My mother has a strong personality and takes it as insult if me or my sister go out. She thinks we’re doing it on purpose so we don’t them on the holidays
INFO: Do you live with your parents?
It’s hard to tell from your post. You mention your house, but don’t say whether you live with them or in a separate home.
Meant to add, but I live by myself (although nearby)
Then NTA. You are not bringing germs into your father’s immediate environment, and you are allowed to do things to help improve your mental health.
NTA You can’t be expected to be a hermit for months because of your dad’s illness. Are you not working, going to school, grocery shopping etc till he has surgery ?
I tried to explain to her and I was told I was just concerned about myself
Sounds like she’s just overly stressed about your dad. If I could lose someone because of illness I would be constantly worried. I don’t think she’s right, but I get where she’s coming from. Can you tell her “Mom I’m sorry upset you, I know you’re worried about dad. I am too. I hope you know I would never intentionally do something I thought would hurt him or you. I’ll respect your wishes and steer clear until after the surgery if that’s really what you want.” Maybe it will soften her a little and she will see it wasn’t selfishness.
She gets offended when I try to talk and I’m just I’m being selfish and it all feels vain
NTA
Go to the party and then wear a good quality mask around your dad for a week or two afterwards.
Info: were you planning to see your dad before the end of the year? What mitigations are you taking, both at the party and when you see your dad? Masking? Testing? Ventilation?
Leaning YTA because you don’t mention any mitigations at all, but willing to reconsider if you’re actually taking steps to avoid harming your dad.
NTA because you don’t live with them. I think you staying away for at least two weeks makes sense for someone who’s high risk.
INFO – had you previously agreed to provide assistance around their home which you can’t do if they’re doing social distancing? If so is this help they actually require and did you give them sufficient warning to make alternative arrangements?