So I have been talked into doing two secret santa for two very small niche interest groups I’m a part of. I sent their stuff well before the deadline and ensured it was a well thought out gift for both recipients, as you do. The deadline to send for both groups was coincidentally the same day 3 weeks ago. Well, the virtual parties for both are on Friday and Saturday of this week. I haven’t received anything for either group and am wondering if I’d be TA for skipping the calls for the reveal parties since I didn’t get anything.
Everyone else has already confirmed receipt of their gifts and has been talking about how excited they are to open them, but I know I am not getting anything because none of the delivery services show any incoming packages for me whatsoever, and the last day to send to even get it to me by this weekend was the middle of last week.
No you wouldn’t but don’t skip. Sit there and make it reeeeeally awkward for your secret Santas.
100% this. Skipping lets them away with it. You show up and say “hey is mine virtual? I haven’t received it yet”
100% this, just sit there and make it very awkward, and definitely say something like ‘I guess i’ll open my imaginary gift’ then after an opening be like ‘thanks guys, i’m not sure what I’ll do with this air’
I wouldn’t go it’s not even an in person party you wouldn’t get fed
NTA.
You sent thoughtful gifts on time for *both* exchanges. That’s fulfilling your end 100%. If no one sent you anything (and it’s clear they didn’t, since deadline passed and no packages), you’re under zero obligation to fake enthusiasm on a reveal call where you’d have an empty box.
Skipping isn’t petty it’s avoiding awkwardness in a group where everyone else is unboxing while you’re left hanging. Shoot a quick message to organizers: “Hey, haven’t received my gifts anyone know what’s up?” If crickets or excuses, bow out gracefully.
You’ve been more than fair. Enjoy your weekend instead.
NTA but I’d definitely let the organisers know that you have not received anything
I’ve messaged one and will talk to the other Thursday.
Skipping is entirely understandable but I’d be tempted to sit there and say yeah, I didn’t get a gift. However, the reality is that would make *me* feel shitty, so I’d probably opt out.
*But* I’d let the organizers know WHY you’re skipping, and that you won’t be joining in the secret Santa next year bc of it. Cuz that’s seriously crappy behavior. Especially since the likelihood is that those who did not reciprocate will actually be getting a gift. NTA
Yeah, that’s how I am. I’m petty enough to sit there but also would feel shitty 😂.
I messaged one this morning and will talk to the other Thursday. Yes, in both groups I’m the only person who hasn’t confirmed delivery so whoever drew me in both groups already has their package just waiting to be opened.
Honestly I would be putting up a message in both groups to say that you’ve still not received your gift. You could let the organiser know first to see if they are able to get this sorted for you.
Emphasise how disappointed you are that the person buying for you has reneged on their part of the swap and that you were so excited to take part that this has sucked all the joy out and you’re thinking of not attending as it’s so hurtful.
Hopefully it’s just a mistake and your gifts are on the way.
👆🏻👆🏻this is the answer! You shouldn’t let people get away with not sending a gift. If the organiser knows who they are, they can ban them from any future gift exchanges.
Sending 🎁🎁
This always happens to the sweetest people at secret Santa.
NTA.
I won’t join secret Santas for this very reason.
Let the organizer(s) know that you haven’t received a gift. They can talk to your secret Santa and make sure a gift is on the way, and put pressure on them to fulfill their obligation.
YWBTA if you don’t let the organizers know you haven’t received any gifts and don’t see any notices from the carriers. Give them a chance to work it out and sooner rather than later.
YWNBTA if you skipped after letting the organizers know and still receiving nothing.