I (17f) have been with my bf(18m) for about a year and 9 months now. He’s insecure often and hes aware of it and more times than once I have had to put my foot down and say screw his feelings just to hang with my friends. We have argued plenty over me wanting to hang out with friends because he wants all my attention, he gets lonely easy. For some background, I recently lost my two closest friends for some things I won’t get into, and I reconnected with an old friend who introduced me to her friend group and I fit in really well and I really like hanging out with these people.
Coming up in a few days is a annual Christmas sleepover with my new friends. Its a weekend thing and we’re all out of school. He only wants me to go for a day, while I want to stay the whole time because it will just be the girls of the group and there’s nothing really to worry about. I don’t get to hang out with them all that often, so it means a lot to me to hang out. Hes upset with me for wanting to go even though if I were to stay home he would be at work or sleeping the entire time, because he has 12 hr night shifts starting the day of the sleepover. I dont get why hes mad and its upsetting me because i just want to hang with my friends, AITA?
NTA. You both need friends outside of your relationship. No relationship covers 100% of our social needs, and we shouldn’t expect it to. Your bf is being jealous, selfish, and controlling. Don’t let him alienate you from your friends, or one day you will find that you don’t have any friends left and your entire life revolves around this one selfish person. His behavior is a major red flag. Good luck!
You’re NTA. You should be able to go and hang with friends whenever you want. This is a red flag. He’s insecure and that is his problem. You shouldn’t have to end your social life to make him feel secure in your relationship.
Exactly. Wanting time with your friends is completely normal, and him trying to control that isn’t fair. Your social life matters too, and a healthy relationship shouldn’t make you choose between your partner and your friends.
NTA. He is controlling and is trying to isolate you so he can have you for himself. You need to break up.
You need to break up! Too many red flags 🚩. Also you’re too young put up with this a life time!
NTA you’ll regret not going for the whole trip just to please your bf. He has no right to be upset with you and you deserve a bf that wants you to have fun with your friends
Im going on the trip for the whole time! I will be talking to him about this.
You’re too young to be dealing with that kind of insecurity and controlling behavior. Go to your sleepover.
NTA. I’ve also been with a guy like this before. He needs to work on himself before he pursues you or any other relationships in future. He’s insecure and needs to work on that. And if he doesn’t want to listen or acknowledge it, you need to end it unfortunately because it won’t get better until he accepts it and makes the decision himself to change. He’s putting the focus on himself the entire time and not take you and your feelings into consideration. Good luck, I know it can get messy, but don’t let it drag on for too long. I sat with this for 3 months and it was terrible. He was ready to get transferred and move to come live in my town, and that was way too early.
His not having a life is a him problem but he sure is trying damn hard to make it your problem. He needs to sort his shit out. Probably Counselling. You can’t solve and do and be everything for him.
NTA, stand very firm, figure out what your hard boundaries are, cuz if this doesn’t change I can’t see it ending happy for you.
You are WAY to young to let anyone control you. This is the perfect time for you to enjoy your life with friends. Create all sorts of memories and don’t waster your energy feeling guilty for living your life. It is HIS responsibility to live his, which ever way he wants too but he does NOT get to dictate what you do with yours. Enjoy your life.
No, you’re not the asshole. Your boyfriend’s insecurities are his responsibility, not yours. Feeling insecure is normal, but it’s not your job to manage his emotions by giving up friendships or limiting harmless plans like a girls-only sleepover. Staying home wouldn’t benefit you or him, since he’ll be working or sleeping. The only effect would be easing his anxiety by reassuring him that you’re choosing him over everyone else.
After losing close friends, rebuilding a support system is important, and only a supportive partner would be happy you’ve found people who make you feel good, not frustrated or guilt-inducing about it. Healthy relationships don’t require constant negotiation for basic independence or emotional pushback every time you choose yourself. That’s exhausting long-term.
At the core, this is about his fear of being alone and relying on you to regulate his emotions. Those are things he needs to work on, not rules for you follow. You’re doing nothing wrong by choosing your friends and your happiness here. You’re only 17, so enjoy your friends and have fun. Good luck, and happy holidays! xo
dump this albatross before he weighs down your entire life.