I (F43) have been married to DH (45) for almost 18 years. We have 3 kids. Every year we alternate holidays between his family and mine. This year we were anticipating spending Christmas Day with my husband’s family.
My husband’s family, which consists of his parents, his sister and her husband and kids, and his divorced brother, started a text thread to get everyone’s wishlists and plan for Christmas in general.
Every year my MIL does Christmas breakfast, usually on Christmas Day but occasionally she’ll do the day before. They make a particular breakfast dish they only do once a year. This year she posted it would be Christmas Eve morning. They live an hour away, and we were already going there the next day, so I told my husband I would rather stay home this time and he could take the kids, since we’d see them the next day and I get anxious and stressed with too much socializing. My husband said ok. His brother works overnight shifts and said it was too late in the morning for him and he’d also be skipping it.
Later I asked my husband if he knew whether his family was doing Secret Santa for the adults as we usually do, since none of us except his parents have a lot of disposable income. Usually they draw names at Thanksgiving but we weren’t there. He asked on the text thread, and was told no one had started it so he asked who wanted to do it and got everyone assigned.
It was around this time that my SIL posted that since not everyone could make it on Christmas Eve morning, we could all meet at her house Christmas evening and do Secret Santa. I was confused because I thought Christmas, Secret Santa,, etc., was happening at my In Laws as usual. And it was strange also that we weren’t getting together until the early evening.
A few days later my MIL calls my DH and asks why I am not coming to the breakfast. My husband says I wanted to rest and get some stuff done before the actual holiday. I think it’s a little pushy to be calling about that as I’d see them the next day and it was just breakfast and playing games as far as I was aware. But I shrugged it off.
Then last night my husband tells me that his parents were going to have a surprise for everyone on Christmas eve, and that was why she had been asking, and that since I had said I wasn’t going they had had to schedule a second get together at my SIL’s. Apparently Christmas Eve was when we were getting together for Christmas.
I’m now upset because I hate causing drama. I had been assuming we would be having a Christmas Day get together as always, and nothing in the text thread said otherwise. I don’t think my husband knew either until his mom called, but then he didn’t say anything to me about it for a few days, and now he is annoyed with me for upsetting his mom and says I AITA for not wanting to do more with his family. AITA ?
NAH. ???????
I think this is all in your head, or your husbands head. Your in-laws had a surprise and want everyone there to reveal. Thats. Thats all thats going on. They are being cagey because, again, they have a surprise plan and don’t want to reveal it till christmas and everyone is there.
That is why no one really knows, cause a surprise is coming.
Please try to no spoil it.
Question, when you told DH to check to see if there was a Secert Santa, did you or him say you WANTED to do a Secert Santa? It makes me wonder if DH just is trying to please everyone and think one step ahead when its actually causing confusion and drama.
NAH. Just a lot of poor communication.
NTA but now that the misunderstanding has been cleared up, you can go to the Christmas Eve morning because then you don’t have to go the next day! Score! You get to have a relaxed Christmas with just your immediate family!!!
NAH this just seems like a communication issue.