So for some short back story; I live in rural New South Whales in Australia. I have around 1.5 Acres of land and not much motivation to do anything other then watch my chickens being chickens and raising chickens.
My father has pushed me into getting another rain water tank, a Rapid Plas 22,500 litre tank, while I currently have 2 of them already. We never get enough rain to fill the tanks I have that are already installed. I have 3 kids and they use a fair bit of water (showers and toilet, etc).
I have told him that I have less than ZERO interest in installing this 3rd tank because I can’t get enough rain to fill what I already have and as such, I must buy loads of water and have them delivered at $260 for around 12,000 litres. He bought and had it delivered after trying to basically upsell the idea of it to me.
He also recently bought, paid for and had delivered a black colour bond lawn locker, That I also have less then ZERO interest in, in any form. Making formwork and pouring a slab I avoid like it is the plague, I have no ability to do that sort of job in any form of "Acceptable" manner.
I love my father but he just doesn’t seem to ever listen when I say "No. I am NOT interested"
Even when I do blow up because I am at boiling point of stress and frustration. I don’t want free handouts, especially when it is something I really don’t want or need. As such I end up feeling like I am an ungrateful shit.
So now I have an unwanted shed in boxes outside getting wet by rain and the boxes pecked apart by my chickens, ducks and sheep. A water tank sitting on its side waiting to blow away in a strong wind, if not for being anchored down and a father that doesn’t seem to listen and seems to be expecting me to "change my mind, when I am in a better mood" without realising that my mind is not in a BAD MOOD, I am just frustrated that he doesn’t comprehend my lack of interest and that when I say NO, it isn’t a reason to try and pressure me into saying yes.
I really don’t want to try and set these two things up. Nor do I want them in my yard. I have enough stuff taking up space as it is already. Sure, it could potentially add value to my property but it is an old fibro house that has got asbestos in some of the original wall linings, so I don’t want to touch any part of it, for obvious reasons.
I might also add that I have no feelings of attachment to this house, it is just a place to live. I am not trying to improve it beyond what my immediate needs are. I DON’T have that sort of money or motivation. I can barely make ends meet as it is now.
So, am I overly full of myself, ungrateful, an A-hole or something else. I don’t know, but I don’t have a good way to rationalise this all.
Not sure what a lawn locker is, and no need for anyone to tell me. Let it sit there, you don’t have to do anything with it. Same with the bonus water tank.
Eventually he will notice that you were right, you have zero interest and you don’t want it. It’s not really a handout, more like you allowing him to store some useless equipment because you’ve got the space.
It’s annoying when people don’t listen to what we say, but you don’t need to be angry. Don’t let it affect you that much.
NTA
NTA. Your dad isn’t giving you the respect of believing you when you say no. That’s not ok and he doesn’t get to force his ideas of what is right for you onto you and your property.
There is probably a decent reason he is doing this in his own head, from a place of love. But we all know that forcing love on someone isn’t ok. Still, I would be sure to approach him from a place of appreciating that he wants to help and redirecting him to things you do actually want. “I have no use for a third tank, but you know what I could use….” that way if gift giving is a love language for him he has a way of doing so. And if this is all about control then he can’t get away with excuses of wanting to help because he chose not to help in the way you asked. win-win
NTA
Return them and keep the money or sell them and keep the money. Do not tell dad; let him find out when they are gone.
If dad loses his mind, calmly remind him that you were clear about your wishes for *your* property. He wasted his money of his own volition.
NTA. Don’t install them. Contact the retailer he bought them from and arrange a return or cancellation. If they can’t be returned, find someone else to take them off your hands for free or for a profit. It sounds like your father steam rolls you into doing things for his own reasons, that are not at all tied to what you actually want or need. Don’t cave. I feel like he has to see you reject these things (by returning or giving them away) before he will think twice about doing this in the future.
You aren’t an AH for not wanting to be given expenses and projects as gifts. I worry that this type of forced gift-giving is being weaponized to guilt you into compliance or a sense of debt to your father. This isn’t a generous gift on his part.
I agree. Even if these were gifts given with good intentions, it still sets up the precedent that his father “knows best.” Irritating as shit.
OP, check with your neighbors as well. A little bit of good will makes for friendly neighbors, solves your problem, and sends your father the message that you dont want unexpected gifts.
It sounds like everyone in your area relies on water tanks, and someone in need can probably put it to good use.
Your father seems like the kind of man who just doesn’t listen and knows what’s best for everyone regardless of what they say. Let him be upset, that’s not on you. He spent the money when you said no, so the waste is on him. When you both are in good headspace, explain your situation AGAIN and tell him he needs to start listening better.
NTA
NTA. Gotta say though, when you revealed part of your issue is lacking the resources to care, I’m kinda wondering if this is your dad’s way trying to help out. That said, you don’t want it, you don’t want it and once you make it known, that should end the convo.
NTA. Can’t you just sell the stuff or give it away?
NTA but stop accepting deliveries. I would give your father a chance to come get his purchases or they will be sold or given away. They are becoming hazards and unsightly. He’s going to be annoyed either way so you might as well set boundaries so you both aren’t annoyed and your place doesn’t look like a junkyard.
Is there something that WOULD be helpful to have that you need, maybe direct him in that direction.
agree with the above completely! Be a grown up and tell your dad he can pick them up or you will sell them.
One question, if the tanks are filled by rainwater, wouldn’t you be able to collect more water and have to buy less water?
Yes even if all the tanks were not fully filled by rainwater having 3 capture devices would result in more water stored overall.
Just sell them or give them to someone who could use them.
Rinse and repeat as needed for future unwanted gifts.
You can also refuse delivery in the future and have the items returned to the place from whence they came.
NTA. Any chance someone in the area would be interested in buying them or just taking them off your hands?
You do know that the rain it would catch isn’t being “used up” by the other 2 catching rain, right? You would increase the amount of rain caught.
The other stuff, eh. Sell it and move on.