It’s simple. My wife and I are having our first baby soon, and we don’t want her to get sick during the pregnancy, especially because she is due in 30 days.
My sister and her family are virtually always sick, and when our families get together, we always ask, “are you or the kids sick?” And they reply, “No, the kids had a cough a couple days ago but they aren’t contagious.”
Cut to us all having dinner with the kids wiping their running noses, coughing, and touching us. This happens time and time again.
We’ve told the family, we don’t want to be around family when they are sick, and they seemed to be receptive. But last night, we had an early Christmas with family and my grandma from out of town. My wife and I arrive, hug the family, hug the kids, and pray for the meal. And what are the first words out of my dad’s mouth?
“Dear lord, please heal the sick kiddos and make them feel better…”
My wife and I looked at each other in amazement. No one told us they were sick, no one said anything at all, and here we are, with extended family, around sick people, 8 months pregnant.
My wife and are pretty upset. We were not even given a heads up, or even asked if we still wanted to come given that family was sick. They just invited us, told us nothing, and tried to have the kids not spend TOO much time with us.
We are pissed that the decision was made for us to go to dinner with sick family. We are going to have a heart to heart and tell them it is our decision to make, and that if they stop telling us things we need to know, we will start putting up boundaries they won’t like.
AITA?
NTA at all. The relatives (at least the adults) sure are. How careless and selfish.
ESH. Sure, they should tell you guys, but its sounds like you know they’re always sick, lol. So the *smart* thing to do would be to, oh idk, not go around them???
NTA. Sickness at any point in pregnancy can cause issues and your wife’s being so close delivery is definitely a reason to try and stay away from sick people. I would be concerned if they can’t respect your wishes while your wife is pregnant, what it going to be like when the baby is here? Are they going to say they feel well so they can meet the baby but actually be under the weather? It’s time for a serious discussion and boundaries.
One thought, unless you are getting sick every time your sisters kids are sick, there is a chance they aren’t actually always sick. Kids sometimes have coughs and runny noses that last ages but aren’t contagious. That said, there is still that risk it is contagious and they should be more careful when asked to be.
NTA people arguing in the comments here about if it’s ok or not ok to be around sick kids when pregnant are missing the point. The parents of the sick kids lied to you and for that they are the assholes.
Thanks man, I thought I was losing my sanity
NTA but you know your family are always sick. For the love of your child, stop going to their homes and believe their BS. Don’t let them anywhere your baby til 3 months and they’re wearing masks,
Agreed!
And what is OP going to do when they have a newborn? This necessary confrontation with the family needs to mention that issue, too.
no family until after week 10
NTA
Even if your wife wasn’t pregnant, it’s a semi common thing people have been doing since covid (some people have always done it even before covid). It’s common courtesy to either bow out of gatherings if you’re sick OR let everyone know so they can choose to bow out. You asked and they lied.
Similar thing happened to me during covid and I am immuno compromised. I was livid and I haven’t actually gone back and it’s been 2+ years.
If people want to cough in each other’s food and rub snot on their ladles, that’s ok. Just make sure everyone going knows that’s what they’re in for. They didn’t even have the courtesy to do that.
NTA- I don’t want to be carrying a 7-9lb baby AND have the flu or a sore throat. That sounds miserable. But honestly the real issue here is that you have set a boundary about the sick kids. Your family knew this, and they were well aware the kids were sick. It’s a hard boundary being crossed that endangers the wellbeing of your wife and unborn child. I would be furious.
I will say though, I wouldn’t have risked it. Predictable outcome. At least now you won’t feel bad sitting out any event you want to.
NTA but you do know you have the option not to be around them right? Their BS guilt tripping when you decline can be ignored, they are completely ignoring your boundaries. When the baby is born they don’t have to come around until you are comfortable.
The second the father mentioned the kids being sick, you should have left tbh. You will need to be firmer when you have your baby.
NTA, but you are a fool. You know they are inconsiderate,but you keep meeting up with them.
You know they don’t care or don’t think it is important to inform you if the kids are sick.
You would be the asshole if you let them near your newborn child before your child has a chance to be fully vaccinated.
You need to plan how you will protect your child from self centered fools.
I hope your wife doesn’t get sick.
Seriously why are you still going to family gatherings when you know they always come sick? Batten down the hatches and enjoy a quiet Christmas just the two of you. And if they come for you saying BuT fAmiLY say that you agree, you value family and you are protecting your wife and soon to be child.
You better get good at putting your foot down with your family or you are going to have a constantly sick kid and a resentful wife.