AITA for thinking my mum is wrong for demanding my dad take us for a month during the holidays even though he already has us multiple times a week? My parents are separated. On paper my mum has us full time so she receives government payments for that and my dad pays child support including extra for holidays. In reality my dad already has us multiple times during the week. He picks us up, looks after us, and is actively involved in our lives while still paying my mum as if she has us full time. When school holidays come around instead of planning things calmly my mum starts yelling and saying my dad needs to take us for four weeks straight or she will go crazy. It is never a discussion it is a demand. What makes it worse is that she has also threatened that if he does not take us she will start drinking which is incredibly uncomfortable to hear as a kid and feels like emotional pressure being put on both my dad and us to force him to agree. My dad is not refusing to see us he already sees us a lot he just does not automatically agree to having us for an entire month unless it is discussed and actually works which feels reasonable to me especially since he is already doing more than what is technically required of him. Meanwhile my mum still receives money for having us full time but talks like she cannot cope unless she hands us off and hearing your parent say they will lose it or start drinking if you are around honestly makes you feel like a burden instead of a child. I understand parenting is hard and she may be overwhelmed but yelling guilt tripping and making threats like that does not feel okay and this seems like something that should be handled between adults not emotionally dumped on the kids. So AITA for thinking my mum is in the wrong here and that this whole situation is unfair on us?
NTA
Ultimately, it’s up to your dad to talk to the courts about how the arrangements are going if he feels things are unfair.
But, if you are unhappy with your mom’s care, then it might be time to sit down and have a serious conversation with dad, or with an adult who can advocate for you.
If you are concerned about your mother’s sobriety, then talk to your dad or a counselor at school. This is especially important if you find that she does begin drinking and it interferes with her care for you (driving intoxicated, for example)
NTA, you’re way more reasonable than your mom here.
But it’s a bit of a red flag when the kid is more reasonable than the parent… your mom sounds manipulative and cruel to the point of emotional abuse. Your dad might not be able to take you full time with short notice but in the long term I would be figuring out how to spend more time with him…
I can’t imagine spending the holidays without my kids. I have two kids, one with my current and one with my ex.
Our holiday schedule is:
Thanksgiving – with his dad. This is also because it is his dad’s birthday as well. (Unfortunately it is also his step dad’s bday the day after my ex 🫣😅)
Christmas – with me. It is also his younger brother’s bday on the 27th.
New Year’s – with his dad. Usually he goes to his dad on the 29th and then comes back the weekend before he goes back to school
As for summer, his dad gets June. Because Father’s day is in that month too.
Additionally, my eldest has autism. He is a handful but I can’t imagine spending holidays without him. I know not having him during thanksgiving and new year’s is heartbreaking but I know that he needs to spend time as well with his dad.
I usually just talk with my ex on updates our son, picking him up, dropping him off, etc. Even before I started dating my current, I had a peace of mind that whatever happened between me and my ex was purely between him and I and not with our child. If he can’t be a father to him, then that’s his relationship with our son. I’m not going to badmouth my ex to my child because no matter what, that still his dad. If my ex ruins his relationship with our son then thats on him and not me. I don’t ever want to be in the position that my son will be upset/mad at me for not letting him go see his dad. But thankfully, my ex has been very involved with our son and they have a good relationship as well.
You should not have to be involved in any of this. Your parents finances are not your concern. Take care of yourself and let your parents handle that. Good luck OP.
Is there any kind of formal custody agreement? This needs to be worked out through the courts including the child support so everyone is on the same page and can plan.
NTA.
Your mom is in the wrong. Thank goodness your dad loves having you. Your mom should have her support reevaluated. Your dad would have that right. However, your mom may seek revenge. I’m sorry she does this. No child should be made to feel the way she makes you feel. Best wishes. Enjoy the holidays with your dad.
NTA not at all. First of all a big hug. I’m sorry your mom is harshing your childhood. Someone else said it and I must reiterate it, “Spend more time with your dad!” He sounds like the only adult in the relationship so hang with Dad as much as you can. I like him. Sounds like a good dad. Be a kid let the adults do the adulting just let your father know how you feel. I don’t think talking to your mother would be as productive. Good luck and happy holidays.
NTA. Your mum putting adult stress on you and using drinking threats as leverage is not okay, full stop. Your dad is already showing up way more than required and wanting an actual conversation before a month straight is reasonable.
Maybe your dad should start documenting and take her back to court. And if he doesnt then theyre both failing you.
NTA for you. Your parents need to sort some stuff out. Legally.
NTA. I might ask dad to take you full time. Sorry you are going thru this.
I’m sorry you are going through this. You didn’t deserve to see all of that. It might be time to sit down with Dad and talk and being there more and getting it all documented and legal. Big NTA and I hope things work out well for you.
NTA, of course. Have a long talk with your Dad about how this makes you feel, maybe something can be done.
You should really mention to your dad that he could save a lot of money if all of these facts came out.