Me \[27 F\] and my friends, ages ranging from 21-25, whom I have known for about 5 years and did everything together. I trusted them like they were my sisters and they came to me with things they wouldn’t tell others. I expected the same in return. My mistake.
It starts with "Hannah" \[21 F\]. About 2 years ago I told them that I had feelings for them, I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I was feeling something. I never expected them to reciprocate, but I wanted them to know. Of course they responded that they didn’t have any intimate feelings for me and they had a partner so it wasn’t a possibility. Understood.
I told one of the others, Almond \[23 F\], she was always "the listener" of the group. I said I didn’t know what I was even feeling but I knew that when I saw them interacting with their partner or with others of the group being overly affectionate at them I did feel a twist in my gut.
These two years go by, and I take these girls on trips and buy stuff from/for them, we go to conventions together and I get the hotel rooms, and we create art and stories and do *everything together.* I’m literally watching my sisters grow up. They all eventually get into college and we all don’t have the time for D&D or art or hanging as much anymore. After visiting for a con, I make a post to the group.
Post went something like: "I’m so confused and I’m feeling these thing toward Hannah, I’ve told them and Almond about it, but I don’t know what to do about these feelings but I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m picking sides or not treating our friendship as equal. I’m so scared to say it, but I wanted you all to know my truth."
I only got one or two responses from two others \[not part of the people that left\] but that group chat was radio silence for weeks.
The next time we were to come together and play a D&D session I got a DM from my guy friend saying that Hannah had left my Discord server. She in fact left every server that I created. I never said anything. If that’s what she wants then who am I to tell her what she can and can’t do.
More weeks go by and I find out that Almond blocked me on Discord, despite us being in an active D&D campaign weekly. Talking and joking and such. Especially because in the last week, I had noticed that they were avoiding me; never specifically responding to any of my posts, only ever interacting with me when necessary.
This pissed me off because they all know that they can come to me about anything and everything. I confronted them about it and the next day the *entire* group blocked me and banned me from every mutual server. I asked 2 others from the group but got responses like: "You know what you did" and when I asked what’s wrong they said: "I’d rather not say, but you should apologize".
Limited characters but, apparently I was supposed to apologize to Hannah. Hannah sent me one last message which I have yet to look at. I want to, but not after the talking behind my back to get me kicked.
INFO
You say you’re 27 and the girl you’ve had a crush on is 21. You’ve had a crush on her for two years. So she was 19 and you were 25. You also say you’ve known them for 5 years. So she would’ve been 16 and you 22? Why are you befriending minors and getting feelings for them when they’re still a teenager? That’s weird as fuck.
Ya, the ages make this a very uncomfortable situation. I am not really surprised this person was dropped out of the friend group.
Info – why would you make this big group post two years after Hannah told you she was not interested in anything more than a friendship with you?
YTA. It was inappropriate two years ago for you to go to tell Hannah your feelings when she was already in a relationship, and it was inappropriate now to air that out to everyone. You have had two years to try to get over it. Hannah likely cut you off because she already rejected you and you just made it known that you can’t let it go. Your public admission of your feelings probably made her feel that you only hang around her because you have intimate feelings and not because you value her friendship. What were you even hoping to accomplish by telling everyone?
YTA
No means no, she told you she’s not interested. You then try to push it and make it a public thing years after she told you no by posting it to the group… Yeah it’s hard and I don’t think you are a bad person for catching feelings but honestly you need to let it go and accept she’s not into you. You need to apologize and hopefully you can understand why.
Info –
what on earth were you intending to communicate with that message?
Am I reading this right and Hannah was a member of the group you sent that message to?
YTA for so many reasons. You became friends with these girls when they were younger which is already weird. Then you’re calling them sisters while admitting to having feelings for one which is playing both sides. After you got rejected you were obviously still playing both sides doing all that while hoping she comes around to reciprocating because if you weren’t, you would’ve left it go or ended the friendship. Instead you sat on your feelings two years & then made a post to the entire group? You don’t respect her & the best apology you could give her at this point would be leaving her alone.
It sounds like you were grooming this girl and are upset that she didn’t want any of it, made it clear and you still brought it up. Yta
YTA, in more ways than one.
YTA, back off now and leave this girl alone.
You’ve made them uncomfortable because the idea of your having feelings for them is gross to them (homophobia) and because when you brought it up the first time you were told no and didn’t listen
After that time, your choices were to either have those feelings 100% privately with 0% hope or to end the friendship
Now bringing it up again with anyone aside from a licensed therapist was completely inappropriate, and you have proven to them that you cannot have the friendship and the feelings privately so they made their only reasonable choice and ended the friendship.
YTA
(but also they suck for the homophobia, it just doesn’t excuse any of your actions)
Bit off a jump to homophobia.. I dont see anything like that. Just someone who can’t accept that someone doesnt have feelings for them and who decided to rant about it in public.
YTA she already shot you down 2 years ago, making a public post about the whole thing now is creepy as hell. A lot of times it’s best to keep your truth to yourself.