I(F20) have been wanting to go to Knott’s berry farm for a while. I prefer to go with friends but neither of my friends have that kind of money to spend at the moment & I can’t afford to spend money on 2 people at an amusement park. But I still really want to go, so I started to planned out a little solo day trip out there for myself next month.
I told my boyfriend(M21) about my plans to go alone last week & he started suggesting we go together instead. He kept saying we should find a day to go together since it would be “better than being alone.”
Thing is, I’d rather pay the $15 train ticket, go alone & take a 3 hour train ride out there & back then have to pay for his gas, ticket, & food there.
He doesn’t have a job & hasn’t had a job for almost 7 months now plus he lives with his parents rent free.
I do have a job but I work retail making minimum wage. After rent, groceries, therapy, etc. I only ever realistically have enough for just me.
I’d feel like an asshole if I told him the real reason on why I don’t want to go to Knott’s with him. I’ve just been paying for ALL our dates the past 7 months & i’m the only one between the two of us paying for his gas too.
I just want to enjoy a day out without having to be the one to pay for everything but I feel like that’s an asshole move because you’re suppose to support your partner.
WIBTA If I tell my boyfriend i’d rather go places alone than have to pay for him when he’s there?
NTA
Just be honest, let him know you can only afford for one person to go and that person is you. You work hard and deserve a day off and that is how you are treating yourself.
You could throw in the option and let him know that if he’s prepared to pay for everything he needs for that day, you wouldn’t have a problem with him going with you. But only throw that out there if you want him to go.
IMHO if she offers on the condition he pays for himself, he’ll “promise” to fund himself but will conveniently forget or change his story once they get going. I wouldn’t trust him to find the money, especially as he hasn’t thought to find a job for the last 7 months and is happy with her and his parents paying for his lifestyle
ETA: OP you’re NTA in this instance but would be an AH to yourself if you stayed with this guy when you’re starting to resent his lack of ambition and willingness to sit around while others (especially you) pay for him.
Tell him he can go if he can come up with the money to pay for himself, you only have enough to barely pay for yourself.
NTA.
NTA. Tell him he’s invited if he can come up with some money. Don’t let him guilt you into paying for him.
NTA. After 7 mos BF needs to get a job if he wants to go places in life.
NTA. Be honest, firm, and respectful. Also be prepared for the possibility that he does not take this well.
YWNBTA. You should tell him. It’s completely unreasonable for him to expect you foot the bill, especially since HE’S the one who suggested he tag along. Triply so since you’ve been paying for his gas and the dates!!
Don’t feeling shame depends on woman for everything .Sounds like man ch!1d to me good luck
No, adults pay for themselves if they’re capable of doing so. Is he incapable of holding a job?
This will be a test, if he’s not mature enough to understand that you’re not his parent, don’t hold your breath
“Babe, i would love to go with you, but im a little strapped for cash. I dont have the money for gas to the car and ticket for you. Do you have money for that yourself?”
This is a nonconfrontal way to say it, and with the huge benifit to see to see how he reacts:
A. Find the money and go with you (how much will he nag about paying for himself?)
B. Be sad that you two cannot go together, but be understanding.
Any bitching, guilting or otherwise to make you feel bad for not paying for him is red-flag-warnings.
NTA, he is used to this dynamic and likely wont change his situation on his own. There is a difference between supporting your partner and enabling their unsustainable lifestyle. I wonder how supported you feel by him in general? What are you getting out of this relationship? Why do you feel stressed at the idea of communicating your very reasonable and logical apprehension? Things to consider.
Tell him he can come but you won’t contribute any money to him joining. Problem solved.
I just had a similar conversation with my partner and he was super understanding. If your boyfriend isn’t understanding, you need to reconsider what you want from the relationship.