Hi .. this is my first post ever on Reddit so I’m kinda nervous
I’m a 24 years old female .. I don’t have alot of mental energy to spend time with people in general even my own family
It might seem weird to you but in my country we live with our families till marriage
My brother got married in the apartment that I lived in for 19 years of my life since I was 4 .. and we moved to the apartment in the lower floor as dad wanted to give my brother the better apartment as it was customized to his needs and also wanted to have less stairs to worry about when he gets home from outside.. now we live on the 2nd floor and my brother and his wife on the 3rd floor
She is from our home town and its in a country side so people there do alot of stuff together like cooking and working around the house and stuff like that
My parents and brother wants me to spend time with her as my brother works for long shifts and she always gets mad at him cuz he doesn’t spend enough time with her
At the start of their marriage they wanted me to sleep at their flat when he have a night shift as she is scared of sleeping alone ..
I don’t find it comfortable for me to sleep outside of my home so I refused .. my mom does this part instead
I refuse to go spend time with her too cuz it feels too draining for me to do so even though she really is a good person so it’s probably a me problem
I’m not in a perfect mental state TBH so I find socializing in any form like alot to me ..
Today my sister in law (i don’t actually know if brothers wife is called sister in law or not cuz English isn’t my first language) is having a cold .. and mom was asking me for the thermometer so i gave it to her and me and my other brother was telling her how to use it .. she told us to shut it as we don’t do anything in our lifes and she was yelling that as the was shutting the door and heading up
I do blame myself for not being social enough but AITA for not spending time with my brothers wife?
And sorry if I was talking for too long
(Edit: to be clear mom is the one that did the yelling not my sister in law .. my sister in law is actually a really kind person and she tries a lot to prove so by doing a lot to us that I find myself stressed out on how to repay her)
if it’s draining, don’t force it. your mental health matters. maybe explain it to them. sounds like they want free babysitting.
NTA you’re not in any way responsible for that woman. Does she do anything for you? Ridiculous that she needs someone to sleep in her home when your husband is working too. Sounds like a child.
NAH. It’s reasonable for her to wish you two could spend more time together since she’s new to the area and doesn’t have her family around or has made new friends. But you being more introverted and not having the “bandwidth” to spend more time with her is totally valid. You are under no obligation to spend time with her.
NTA. It’s okay to protect your mental energy. You don’t owe anyone constant social time even family
NTA.
You’re not obligated to be someone else’s emotional support, especially when you’re already struggling mentally. Needing space and having low social energy doesn’t make you rude or selfish. It just means you have limits.
Your sister-in-law’s loneliness and your brother’s work schedule are not problems you’re responsible for fixing. Helping out occasionally is one thing, but being expected to regularly drain yourself is unfair. Her snapping at you was out of line.
For clarification mom was the one that snapped at me
My sis in law does a lot to my family as a whole without us asking her to do anything so It kinda stresses me out a bit to think how to repay her
You know .. I told my family many times about me having no energy years ago but they don’t seem to understand
NTA.
Who wants to spend time with someone who yells for no reason.
I’ll clarify that mom is the one that did it
NTA. It sounds like the two of you have different social needs. She needs a lot of attention and interaction and you need a lot less. That incompatibility does not make you an asshole. She should try to find a friend that matches her energy. Or your brother and mom can be more involved. I suggest your brother try harder to figure how she can be happier.
NTA just because someone marries into a family, it doesn’t mean that another relative is obligated to be their on-call best friend and babysitter. She can go make her own friends. If she can’t be alone, they can hire someone to be around to provide attention and company. Anyone complaining is free to go babysit her. If she’s old enough to be married, she’s old enough to learn how to sleep alone. I think as long as you treat her with basic courtesy, then that’s enough.
They keep telling me that if it’s a phobia then I shouldn’t question it
Then I tell them she knew when they got engaged that she’ll live in a city with a man that has night shifts so why am I the one that have to solve a problem that I didn’t make ..
NTA. Potentially one for not using paragraphs 😂
NTA. It is not your responsibility to entertain your sister-in-law or sleep in her home just because your brother works. You have a right to protect your mental energy and stay where you feel comfortable. Your family is unfairly pressuring you to solve a problem that belongs to your brother and his wife. You aren’t being “lazy” or a “bad person”; you are simply setting a healthy boundary for your own peace of mind.