I’ve got a big problem with student loans. My family and I live in a house that’s literally falling apart, and my mother has been the sole provider as long as I can remember. My father recently got a nice-paying job, which put us just over the limit for me to receive most financial need-based scholarships, grants, etc. I got absolutely no money from FAFSA. Despite me being top ten in my class with a 3.98 GPA (WHAT THE HELL), being involved with over 10 extracurriculars, being the captain of my dance line, and holding positions in student gov and NHS…I got 1 scholarship. for $1000. Out of all the time I spent applying.
Anyway, money is money, and I’m blessed because the scholarship is renewable. I am not perfect. I think I could’ve pushed and put in more effort to help financially, but it still put us in a bad spot. I got into UTA, which is my dream school for comp sci, but I ended up not going because it was too expensive.
I’m now at our nearby university, which I actually really like now, but when we settled on it, I was really hurt and angry: mostly because of outside pressure.
I’ve been best friends with Mila since second grade, and I really admire her. None of this will affect our relationship in the long run, but things were tense for a bit. She had gotten into UTD and fully planned on going. She ended up dropping it because of finances as well. She now goes to the same uni as me.
She tends to make a lot of comments about how she hates our uni, and how it’s not as nice as UTD, and how she’s reapplying and getting the hell out next year. The campus is not as nice, but isn’t that inconsiderate to say to me and my other friend who is literally stuck? I understand venting, I do it too, obviously, but I was getting really bothered. Then she keeps telling me about these reimbursements she’s getting just for attending (her entire schooling at our current uni is paid for through a grant, the same for most of my friends).
I kinda snapped at her one day because she commented on me ruining our future plans because I "settled." I told her I’m literally fucked financially and there’s nothing I can do about it, so please stop commenting on it. I think it hurt her, but I still have never brought it back up or apologized.
you are not, NTA
NTA your friend should also consider your feelings
YTA
Not for your thoughts or feelings but because you shut up about something that was bothering you and held it in until you snapped. She’s a friend. Friends communicate. You should’ve explained how her comments made you feel in a calm and respectful manner. Now it blew up into something bigger for no reason.
She was being insensitive and may have no idea what things are like for you
NTA
ESH is what i have to go with.
Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid and understandable OP but so are your friends. You seem well meaning but you’ve blown the issue way out of proportion. Through out your post it seems you actually share a lot of her sentiments about your current situation but your both dealing with it in unhealthy ways. Your friend vents too much about the problem your overly avoident of the problem.(at least in the others perspective). She was rude to you and you were rude back. You both acted in manners that are unkind and unbefitting of the situation.
This issue stems from a lack of theory of mind as neither of you are understanding the other persons differing mental state. My advice would be to sit down and talk about it because the more your bottling this up the worse it seems to be getting for you. You should apologize to her but she also needs to apologize to you. I wish you the best OP don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
This!!!
NTA
A college student should know to have more empathy. Venting is ok but one ought to know who to vent to. You dont vent about your child to a couple who is yearning for a child. In this case, why would she vent about the school to fellow schoolmates? Of course it would affect your morale as well.
No need to apologise. Just move on. Sometimes we just need to call out our friend’s nonsense. No one likes to constantly hear about another person’s constant complaint about the same thing.
The only thing is only how harsh you called her out.
NTA but also just don’t engage in conversations like that if you cannot tolerate it. I have had little money at a few points in my life, it sucks having to listen to people that have more options. But it’s no reason to snap at them, she sounds like she has made a choice to be with her friends. She seems to value that more. I do wonder if she was even been encouraged by her friends to stay? Because if that’s the case, then a little more patience wouldn’t go astray