Last Christmas my aunt passed away. This year my grandmother passed three days before my birthday (two weeks before Christmas). I (26F ) have been juggling work, school, my own health, helping my partner with recovery, and a bunch of other family things that dont include my cousin ( 22M). I’m barely holding it together.
My cousin usually visits for the holidays. Last Christmas he was upset I spent the days before my aunt died with my mom’s side of the family instead of centering him, even though he wasn’t directly affected. That pattern continued this year.
After my grandmother passed, he barged into my house multiple times. He escalated over irrelevant stuff like a phone plan and even made up fake laws about what is going to be but on the death certificate and her insurance wich has absolutely nothing to do with him. When I responded nurtally, he got mad packed his shit and left. The next day he barged into my home and tried to guilt me about my birthday, asking if he shouldn’t come to avoid “making my life harder.”
He complained about not spending time together last year, and I had to basically beg him to watch a movie with me. Even after that, he kept acting entitled. When he said he wasn’t going to be “patronized,” I told him to leave.
I have an open-door policy, but it’s based on respect . Storming out and barging back in automatically closes that door. He’s always welcome back when he’s invited, but not when he barges in uninvited. I didn’t yell, threaten, or attack him. I just enforced my boundary.
Meanwhile, my bio dad says my cousin “didn’t do anything wrong” and keeps excusing him.
So… AITAH for protecting my home and boundaries during a really rough time, even while he’s traveling a long distance?
NTA – your dad can host him if he thinks your cousin is all that.
Sounds like he’s been pampered by other family members and has come to expect it. Your reaction will be just one of many rude awakenings he’s going to face. NTA, obviously.
NTA,but kind of TA-he may be going through something himself and sees you as a safe space. Now you are NTA because it is your home and it seems like you have been more then willing to let him come and go–this is your home and you set the rules. I think he might be very immature for his age and his emotions and actions don’t signal what he is actually thinking (Obvious Speculation) -I was in a very similar scenario and once I gave her some time and a little here and a little there–it was obvious she was very stressed out and having thoughts of self-harm. but did not know how to convey them-so she would act irrational & say things about my affairs that had nothing to do with her,but it was really a cry for help as I found out later on. I’m much more of an empathic type of person so it’s hard for me to leave on bad terms with (certain) family. Others you just have to cut the toxicity. I would say try to have a conversation with them-this time can be very difficult for some folks and even if we have known them since they were children-we evolve and change and all that, So no you are NTA, but try to look at it more of a grey area then a black/white conclusion. Sorry for your losses and I wish your partner nothing,but the best-Its One Day At A Time. Enjoy your Holidays and Happy New Year!
NTA. You are navigating intense grief and personal stress, yet your cousin is centering himself and violating your privacy. Protecting your peace by removing a disruptive guest isn’t “mean”, it’s a necessary boundary for your own mental health.
Why the hellmdonr you lock your door so people can’t barge in? NTA for not wanting his energy around you, keep him out. But make it harder for him to enter in the first place and if he comes and pounds on the door, call the police.