AITA for wanting some time?
So, here’s the situation: I (18F) am on vacation. My mother is too. I spend the entire day with her during the week, and on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I also spend the evenings with her.
I’m sleeping in the living room because the only time I have to play games is late at night, since during the day I’m with her. And I do like spending time with my mom, but I also want to do my own things: play games, paint, read, and write.
When my father is home, she stays with him, but sometimes they still ask me to go out with them, like yesterday, or to watch something together. But honestly, I just want some time for myself.
If I’m sitting next to her and pick up my phone to reply to my girlfriend, she immediately starts complaining because I’m on my phone. It’s frustrating because I barely see my girlfriend and hardly have time to talk to her.
Today is Sunday. My father was supposed to be home, but he went to a friend’s house. Great. I planned to play all day yesterday and couldn’t because they made me go out. I planned to play today too, but now I’ll be with my mom all week.
I’m never alone. I don’t have a single minute to myself, and I can’t take it anymore. I love my mother, but I really need some time alone. The problem is that whenever I ask to do something by myself, she argues, complains, and guilt-trips me.
I want to play. I want to be alone. I’ve started going to the bathroom just to have some time to myself. And what’s worse is that the only time I’m actually alone is when I’m washing dishes. If something arrives in the mail for her, I have to go get it immediately, whenever she wants. I just want to do my own little things.
On top of that, she has a habit of “looking over my shoulder” when I’m on my phone, which is really irritating.
Important detail: I do household chores without any issues. I also make lunch and dinner when there’s time.
Editing: I tried to tell her that I need some time, and then, she started yelling at me…
NTA
Have you talked to your mom about it? Maybe sit her down and talk about everything you have mentioned here. Then ask for some time for yourself, to do the things you want.
Also, ask her to not look over your shoulder because it is rude. I had to remind my family multiple times before they stopped doing it. Be prepared to the firm, and don’t stay silent and brood.
NTA: Just an average teenager
NTA
NTA. We all deserve privacy and autonomy.
I went through something very similar. I’m a sensitive, guilt-prone person, and I constantly felt guilty leaving my mom alone to go out and live my life. My dad would be working or busy, and she’d be home alone, so I learned to put my own feelings and plans aside to make sure she was okay instead of listening to myself.
This really comes down to boundaries. My parents peaked through my phone until I was 22. Eventually, for multiple reasons, I cut contact. But before I left home, I tried to communicate clearly: I explained that I was an adult, that I would be going out and doing my own thing, and that I was contributing (paying my own car insurance and helping with bills). I told them that if they wanted to spend time with me, they needed to ask in advance because I might already have plans, and we could always find another day or time.
It’s exhausting living in people-pleasing mode, especially when it’s with a parent. I understand you 1000%.
Good luck, you’re not wrong for wanting space or independence.
You need to set clear boundaries. It’s not selfish to want some personal time. Have an honest conversation with your mom about your needs, and don’t let guilt trips dictate your space. You’re not a robot; you’re a human who deserves downtime, plain and simple.
NTA – having personal time isn’t pulling away. It’s setting reasonable boundaries.
Your mom means well, but has no clue she’s suffocating you (metaphorically of course).
You can try talking with her, but don’t get your hopes up, without a struggle.
Be firm. I need X hours by myself. Period.
NAH. But you’re old enough to tell your mother you need alone time.
It is time to talk with your parents. Technically you are an adult. You can say no to always being with them. You should be able to go out with friends and also just do whatever you want. Everyone needs “me time”. It is time to start asserting yourself and make your feelings known.
NTA. Tell your mother that you need private alone time. If she doesn’t get it then get a job and move out. You’re an adult
NTA your mother is overbearing, maybe it’s because she realizes you’re eighteen and soon you will be walking out that door and she’s not gonna have time with you like this.Because once your child does move on with their life, they’re living their life.And you end up really missing them… when they would rather be with their friends or their spouse. i would tell her, look, I understand that you are protective and you like to hover. i’d say I don’t mind spending some time with you during the day but I need some downtime. i enjoy my games. I enjoy talking to my girlfriend but I just need some privacy. I’m 18 years old.. Say I will still spend some time with you.But I also need my space. i wish you luck and merry christmas!!!
NTA. You’re go a have to be tough with your mom. Tell her how you feel and when she starts yelling, simply inform her that you’re not going to argue with her about this. And no matter how much you want to defend yourself or give in, DON’T. Just walk away. And then enforce the boundaries you set. Stay in your room. Take walks. If you see her looking over your shoulder, simply get up and leave. Make your boundaries evident in your actions. No point in trading words with her.
Nta