So some context, I have never wanted to raise or take care of children for pretty much my entire life, my mom said that even as a little girl I had no interest in baby dolls or my baby cousins when they were around. This is not new to my family that I’m living a child free life, so today at lunch my mom and sister brought it up that if everyone in this family died or for whatever reason were unable to take in my sister’s children if I would adopt them. I gave them my honest answer that, no I would not. I said that first of all I’m in college and work full time to support myself (in this economy I can in no way support a child let alone two of them). Second I am not good with children, they genuinely disgust me (I want to throw up because they drool and vomit and are just gross to me) plus I am not a people person so I doubt I could bond with them very well. Finally my dog is aggressive and does not do well with children, he’s not leaving anytime soon and he is basically my child. My sister is now super upset at me over this hypothetical, she told me that I am heartless, that I have no empathy, and that I seriously need to go to therapy (we have both gone through intensive therapy so I’m not sure what she’s talking about), and that she hates me so much she can’t even be in the same room as me. Both my mother and sister have very strong maternal instincts where I have like zero so I think they just don’t understand me in that regard. My sister has a loving husband who is a wonderful dad and our family is involved 24/7, there are many options for possible care takers if anything was to ever go wrong. So AITAH for telling her that I would not take in her children if everyone died?
NTA.
They shouldn’t have posed a question they wouldn’t like the answer to.
Sis and mother need to look at the in-law’s family for security.
NTA. This is a very serious situation to have to consider, and you’ve done it justice by looking at it without rose-tinted glasses. Raising a child is a lot of responsibility, and it sounds like you have neither the time nor the financial resources to look after one, plus your living situation includes an aggressive animal that would be actively dangerous for your would-be wards. Your own preferences aside (though they’re certainly important to consider) you taking the children sounds like it wouldn’t be the best solution for them, either.
NTA. It’s better to be honest so they can make their worst case preparations instead of just assuming you’d do it because that’d just land the kids in state’s care.
No one is obliged to like children, want children, or be willing to take care of a relative’s children.
NTA – why are they fantasising about everyone dying so you have to take care of the children?
They have literally made up a scenario so they can be angry with you. That’s pretty pathetic.
As a parent,you should absolutely have plans for your kids if something happens to you. It’s called a will.
Yea, but generally these conversations happen in private settings not in a giant “what if” circle.
Asking someone if they’d look after your children if you pass is not a spectator event.
NTA. People are so weird about this topic. If anything, you’re looking out for her kids more than she is in this situation. She wamts someone to take care of her kids who will be grossed out by them, not bond with them, and has an aggressive dog? They would be miserable. You’re not being an AH, you’re being realistic.
NTA, sort of feels they set you up for this tbh.
So your sister would be super happy if her children were raised by someone who would resented their existence? What does the children’s father think about this? Would he be super happy his children raised by you? Women who choose not to have children do not need therapy. Do men get told they need therapy if they don’t want children? Stay strong OP. NTAH
NTA. And even if you DID agree to this, life changes. Their hypothetical King Ralph of an accident could leave you as the only person. But you could also hypothetically be hit by a bus the next day and be completely paralyzed.
Wills and last wishes are important to discuss. But there needs to be multiple plans for different scenarios too.
Your sister never read a series of unfortunate events and it shows. Never leave children with someone who’s not good with children/or doesn’t want them.
NTA
Don’t ask a question if you’re not prepared to hear an answer you may not like.
Light YTA. I think it’s fair to say you would not be the right person to take the kids, and I don’t think you’re wrong for saying no. But honestly, I think she’s upset cause it sounds like you’re gonna hate her kids no matter what, and I think your response was a little extreme. I also don’t like kids and never want them, and could never afford them all valid reasons. I have nothing against you being child free but you could have kept some of the reasons to yourself, like finding kids disgusting and that you would never bond with them. I think the never going to bond with them is probably why she had that reaction. Some of those things are inside thoughts, I don’t think you’re wrong for having those thoughts but just keep it to yourself. You could have left the answer at no I’m not the right person, I couldn’t give them the support they need cause I can barely afford to take care of myself or something like that.
NTA but I have concerns if you genuinely feel that children disgust you. Does your dog not drool and vomit…