I (F25) was supposed to be the maid of honor for my cousin’s fiancée. We’re generally close (were.. now)
A little background information is she texted me two weeks ago upset that I hadn’t been giving her as much attention as before because I had been hanging out with my boyfriend more. She said it seemed like we were in our own bubble and said she understood though because we were in a honeymoon stage. I told her id take that into consideration and I’d be better at communicating with her.
This past weekend we all went to a cabin, other cousins too and their SO’s. We had been there since thursday up until Sunday morning and on Friday we went to a honky tonk and I told my boyfriend I wanted to see him shoot his shot with me as if he didn’t know me, so the beginning was me laughing with my boyfriend while being with the group and she grabbed me and said "leave him alone!" as in, come hang out with us (the girls). The rest of the night was fine. Saturday was Christmas Olympics and we were all doing group activities and drinking all day. It was 11PM and I suddenly got my period so i went upstairs to freshen up, cramps hit so I ended up napping which lasted longer than usual so basically i ended up ditching the party (that was downstairs).
The next day, my cousin’s fiancée was very cold toward me. She was ignoring me blatantly all morning and then when we all said goodbye, I didn’t bother hugging her because she clearly wanted nothing to do with me and later sent me a long message saying I “broke her heart,” that she always stood up for me, and that she didn’t expect this from me, and that she no longer wanted me to be her maid of honor.
I responded calmly, saying that I didnt know why she was so upset at me, that I didnt do anything to her and that i didnt bother hugging her because she didnt want anything to do with me. I also finished it off saying I wasn’t going to beg her to be the maid of honor because again, I hadnt done anything to her nor was i ever mean or disrespectful toward her.
My cousin later told me this wasn’t about just one thing, but a “build up” of feelings over a few days, none of which had been communicated to me beforehand. Why does he condone this behavior let alone let her get away with treating people this way?
I reached out again to ask if we could talk in person, but she hasn’t responded.
Update: she texted the group chat and said thank you for everyone coming out and attending as if she planned the whole thing? Everyone paid their part. Everyone was given the right to be there. She also posted pictures of the trip without me in them.
NTA, and you don’t need that drama. Respectfully let them know you are fine with no longer being the MOH. Be just a guest at the wedding. This girl is all about the drama.
I will never understand these whacko wedding stories. People, you are just not that important. Duck out of the wedding party, and count your blessings. NTA
I agree, the more I read about weddings today the more I would encourage anyone in my family to decline to participate right from the get go. This whole trend of the entire year leading up to the wedding being about the bride and groom is just absurd. People have lives to live and being in someone’s wedding should not take over their entire year both time wise and financially.
NTA
NTA. Her attitude is probably why she doesn’t have someone close enough to her that wants to be her maid of honor. No one wants to deal with her shit!
NTA.
Your poor cousin is marrying a controlling bully. NTA
NTA My wife has been laid up due to her period before. I would never throw an adult temper tantrum because someone went to bed at 11pm.
She’s going to learn to grow up the hard way. Count yourself lucky, go ahead and build your life without her.
ESH. Paying for something does notmean you put it together or planned it. Sounds like you didn’t do any of the work, and then bailed. It also seems like (although maybe they never said) this was a engagement party or mixed bachelor/Bachelorette. Who just naps in the middle of a party without saying anything? You didn’t even say anything, you just left and didn’t come back.
People get crazy around their weddings. Its very stressful, time consuming and expensive. Sounds like she was upset with you and maybe didn’t say anything as soon as she should have, but then when she did tell you, seems like you basically told her shes crazy and you didn’t do anything, despite the fact that you did so something. So not only did you disrespect them, then you gaslight her, and also made her question everything. The person she trusted the most to be her maid of honor is now being shit.
Also wtf? You tell her you will be aware of spending too much time with your boyfriend, and then during A GROUP ACITIVITY, you decide you guys are going to role play with your bf? Come on.
NTA! The bride to be sounds like she had a lot of expectations and was not sharing them with you. You probably dodged further issues by not being the MOH anymore since she may have had further expectations, especially during the event, that you would not be aware of.
NTA. Was she distant towards you before you went to bed the night of the party, or did the bulk of it start after that?
She wasn’t distant the night of the party. It started Sunday morning, which I assume was because I went to bed early.