So my brother is dating a lady who is raising her best friend’s brother’s ex girlfriend’s kid she had while he was locked up. No, she is not an official foster parent as far as I know. As far as why is she raising the kid, I do not know.
So on to my story. Brother, new girlfriend and said kid were at our mom’s for a holiday. According to our mom, this kid was very ill behaved, tormented their dog, dragged out dog toys all over the house, refused to sit and eat, rather eating with her hands while she roamed the house. Kid is 8 and apparently the birth parents were users, so kid has “issues”. Dog got so upset that it threw up, no attempt to correct said child was done, it was a disaster. I was not present for that. Mom told me about it.
Christmas is coming. Typically we get together at my house, so I’m getting a plan together so I can prepare food. I asked brother if his girlfriend was coming with him. He said maybe. I asked about the kid, he said maybe. So I said “just so we are clear, I will not tolerate the behaviour I heard about from mom, at my house” he asked what had I heard, and I told him. He said well the kid has issues. I said I didn’t care, that i will not have my house destroyed by a feral child, and if she will not correct this kid, that I am not afraid to. My teenager is a musician, and has several expensive guitars, basses and drums, that we do not want torn up. My house also is not very large, so it would be hard to put these things away. Added to the fact that the rest of my family and friends deserve a peaceful holiday, and I do not have time to clean up after an ill behaved kid. I told him I was not trying to be an ahole, but I needed to make myself crystal clear. So far I do not have an answer as to if girlfriend and kid plan to come.
I felt the need to say something as mom had no warning that the child was coming to her house, only knew that brother and his girlfriend were coming, and then this episode occurred.
I get that the kid may have issues, and for that I am sorry to hear. However, until the kid can behave herself, I feel like she and the “mom” may have to sit out events, as that is a sacrifice you make when you agree to parent a child. For context, I raised 2 kids alone, and if we were somewhere I expected them to behave and be respectful, and if they got out of line, we left.
Paragraphs make posts easier to read & will then GET read.
NTA! That kid would probably destroy those instruments. Fuck that.
“best friend’s brother’s ex girlfriend’s kid”
???
I feel like I need to make this a Spaceballs meme
For real there’s so much a separation there how is she raising this kid
Which is part of the point. This is a stranger of a strangers feral child, and her caregivers aren’t giving her home training. OP doesn’t want a feral child who is completely unrelated hijacking her home and her holiday.
NTA and it sounds like that kid needs to see a therapist
YTA for not using paragraphs.
NTA. Your house, your rules
NTA to be upfront about what you expect. And if she comes and misbehaves be sure to follow through on disciplining her. it takes a village.
NTA. The child’s issues are no one’s problem but her parent.
Ok, this kid has issues so basically everyone just tolerates her behaviour. This kid needs to know that her behaviour is not acceptable and she has to leave if she doesn’t behave. Who knows, maybe that’ll get through.
You don’t have to put up with it. Your friends brothers girlfriend (is that right?) is responsible. I hope the child is getting help. I feel sorry for these kids, what sort of life has this kid had? So sad.
Why are they letting this kid run riot? Maybe they’re not the right people for her.
NTA
While the kid needs a stable (but stricter) home, you are within your rights to protect your home from a destructive kid.
NTA. Your house, your rules. You established your boundaries and gave your brother proper warning. They break them they get thrown out like a garbage bag.
NTA.
“He said well the kid has issues.” Seems like one of the kids main issues is not being parented and guided on behaving well.
Tell your bro he needs to be prepared to leave the gathering at the first instance of the kid acting out, no second chances.