I feel confident I am NTA but I need a sanity check.
For full disclosure my family’s love language is gift giving. I’ve come to accept it. We have two young kids, so their birthdays and holidays have become a mayhem of gifts and treats. I’ve accepted that too. Unfortunately my family also delights in tweaking my nose about things. In the past they have purchased some big gifts (both in size and/or price) and I’ve asked them in the future to please run those big purchases by me first. Our house is not big and there is just a pure "what can we fit" factor, not to mention some things are just not appropriate.
This Christmas one of my brother’s got my kids a mini-quad. It was free, so not a purchase. I was not checked with at all. My mom called me yesterday to let me know so that on Christmas day there were no "surprises."
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the gift. I thought it was unsafe and we physically have no room (especially considering the last two big gifts my family gave were these ride on monstrosities for the kids.) I also said as a gift I don’t love it because I want them focused on learning to ride their bikes, scooters, etc. She went on about how my brother was so excited and I shouldn’t ruin HIS gift. I said I just wish he had checked with me first and I wasn’t sure why he didn’t. My dad joined in, tried to make light of it. I said I felt this was all so disrespectful, and that while my folks have gotten better at running big gifts by me first, my siblings haven’t and now we are in an awkward position.
It all deevolved from there. My dad was surprisingly even keeled (though upset) and so was I (also surprising given how some of these convos have gone in the past.) My mom was pretty upset of course and it ended pretty poorly. They are going to "take care of it" and asked me not to "upset my brother" (he’s an adult by the way but unlike them I am going to respect their wishes and let them discuss it with him.)
I did manage to tweak my mom a bit since she said "Its not disrepectful since they really weren’t think about YOU at all, they were thinking about the kids." and I said "I agree, they don’t think about other people, just what they want. I wish they HAD thought of me so we could have avoided this."
Regardless, Christmas will likely now be tense, but please internet strangers, validate my feelings.
NTA since this gift falls into a potential safety issue that was not cleared with you beforehand. (For example- what if he’d bought a trampoline? Some families love them, some won’t allow due to the fracture risk.)
For the future, consider a “gifts given at the grandparents stay at the grandparents” expectation. My mom (as grandma) did this on her own as she didn’t want to overwhelm my house, and it’s worked out beautifully! Plus kids love going to Grandma’s!
This is a good idea. Especially since they live in an apartment and have no way to actually store some of these monster gifts. Thank you!
As an uncle with no kids of my own, I tend to spoil my sister’s kids at Christmas, but this is easily NTA. I always call her and discuss (large/noisy) gifts before purchasing.
NTA! That is not a gift you get someone’s kid without discussing it at-length with their parents first. You are sane, no worries.