So every year I play in a season-long round-robin match play golf tournament with the same three guys. We’ve been doing this for years in some form or another. I’ve always been the weakest golfer of the group so I lose a lot more than I win. Even though we use handicaps, I’m still typically at the bottom.
Honestly, that’s never bothered me. I’m mediocre at golf and am comfortable in my golfing skin. Its always more about the tradition, getting out on the course, and spending time with friends. In past years it was fun, and even when I got smoked, everyone was in good spirits.
This past year things have felt different. I actually played better than usual. I don’t think I’m ready for the Ryder Cup, but I’m at least respectable compared to my past seasons. I won a few matches, had a couple of solid rounds, and for the first time I wasn’t automatically last.
But instead of being happy for me or even jokingly giving me props, two of the guys (one far worse than the other but he kind of has influenced the other) have been weirdly salty about it. Every time I win a hole or even hit a good shot, the focus is not on the shot but more on how many strokes I’m getting. They’ve complained about my handicap constantly, like the only reason I could possibly beat them is because the system is broken. And when they’re losing or end up losing to me, they get angry, and in noticeably pissed off.
On top of that, they’ve started laughing at me when I hit a bad shot. Not good-natured joking, but that sort of mocking “of course you did that” laugh. I still hit plenty of bad shots (I’m very much a work in progress), but it’s gotten to the point where it’s uncomfortable rather than funny.
One of the guys is totally fine, same as always, supportive, normal banter. But the other two have made this season not fun. It’s taken something that’s supposed to be fun and turned it into something I find myself dreading.
So I’m torn. Part of me thinks it’s a bit much to quit the tradition over a couple of guys being jerks about golf. But the reality is I don’t want to commit to another year of listening to them whine every time I do something right and mock me when I mess up. The whole point of this thing was to have fun, and that’s not what it feels like anymore.
WIBTA if I told them I’m out for next year? I don’t want to cause drama or blow up the group, but I also don’t want to sign myself up for months of being treated like I’m doing something wrong just because I finally improved a little.
NTA, but also since presumably your handicap will be different going in to the next year it won’t matter?
INFO: Have you ever asked them what their deal is? Your description of these two does not correlate to my understanding of what a friend is.
Fair question…no I have not. Giving strokes to the higher handicapper (and then complaining about it) is one of those golfing tropes that I hadn’t really had to deal with because I’ve usually played poorly so I kinda thought our group was better than that. But being a trope it is one of those things that can be considered kinda of expected to some degree which is kind of the reason for this post.
Yeah, sometimes you just have to stop someone and ask “why are you being such an asshole to me?” Which will often be met with insistence that they’re just kidding, can’t you take a joke, etc., to which the response is that it’s gone over the line, it bothers you, and you’re asking them to knock it off.
NTA. Who wants to play with bad sports? If you lose, they’re fine but win and their threatened.
NTA
> I don’t want to cause drama or blow up the group
Don’t you think the drama has **already** been caused, and the group ought to be blown up already by these guys’ behavior?
Being easy going should not be equivalent to being a pushover. Ask them if they’re going to be jerks again this year. The answer will be yes.
If you’re not having fun, do something different with different people.
NTA – I would suggest checking in with the one guy who doesn’t act like a wanker when you play
Just let him know that you are thinking of finding new playing companions and see what his reaction is
Best case, he might have had a gutful of them too and have some advice / help for you – or worst case, he backs them up in which case you know what you need to do
Why do you spend your limited time on these people?