i’ve been on a trip to another city about four hours away from where i live with a friend who’s an international student. my friend has a chronic illness, and she got sick on our last day, so i stayed in the hospital with her. i told my mom, and she insisted on driving four hours to meet me even though i told her not to multiple times. when she got there, she started saying that i needed to leave and go back to a hotel, and when i said i wasn’t going to she told me not to be stupid. i refused; i was kind of rude, i know, but i hadn’t slept in a while and i had everything planned out and she just wasn’t listening at all. then my dad called me and told me i should shut up, listen, and be grateful because she drove so long after work to come get me, and i said no. so she left and told me to send her money back, so i did. that was yesterday. as far as she knew that night, i didn’t have a hotel or any money. i did, but she didn’t know that.
today i called her, and she was acting normal and happy. i couldn’t stop crying after that, and she told me that no one stays where they aren’t appreciated and that i ‘threw her money back in her face’.
i’ve always done my best to be a good kid. i barely argue with her and i even wear what she wants around her. i don’t know why i can’t stop crying.
is this all my fault? aita? should i have just done what she said and shut up?
NTA
May I ask…how old are you OP? Regardless, you did the right thing by making sure your friend was OK and not alone AND by staying with her you didn’t need to worry about where you would sleep.
Your mom wasn’t being “helpful”. You weren’t being rude. Your mom was being overbearing and CHOSE not to listen to you when you told her not to come.
im 18
I think this explains some things. You’re still NTA, but clearly your parents still feel as though they need to rescue you and clearly they don’t listen to your feelings on the matter. Which at 18, I kind of get.
As a parent, I would probably ask my 18 year old if she wanted me to come. I might even come even if she said no. But I would’ve done it very differently. I would’ve gotten the hotel room, stayed in it, and let her know she could come stay with me. But I wouldn’t be pissed if she said no and wouldn’t be a dick about her not accepting my help, especially after she told me not to come and I did it anyway.
This is a growing pain in your relationship with your parents, but trust that YOU are in the right here. They may not like your choices, but you’re 18 and you don’t have to do what they say. You get to make your own decisions and you deserve to be able to do that without being guilted.
NTA. You say you are a “kid” but don’t give your age. She is certainly treating you like a child so start thinking of yourself as an adult with agency. This will help.
NTA no matter what age you are this was highly inappropriate of your mom to do. You told her repeatably not to come and she didn’t care about you enough to agree with your boundaries. Both of your parents need to apologize to you for how much they disrespected you and your friend
NTA – She wasn’t giving you any other options. You were tired and worried about your friend. Get rest.
I’m confused, did she drive 4 hours just to tell you to go to a hotel, that doesn’t make any sense? What exactly was she trying to achieve by driving over there in first place? I’m confused.
ESH. Your mom shouldn’t have come when you told her not to, but why are you upset she was acting normal when you called her? Maybe she was just trying to move on from the situation. She should have apologized for how she behaved but why are you crying?
nta cut contact, gather yourself. do not fear your parents. leave that jail they call “home”. be well
NTA
I’m guessing you are college age. I’m a parent of kids about your age (and one who leans just a bit toward being quick to offer help, to be fully honest).
Your mom is the one who is acting completely irrationally. Let’s assume that she wanted to help you. Her poor listening, thinking, and emotional management skills completely destroyed the value of anything she was trying to do.
1. You told her not to come. A listening parent would then ASK you if you or your friend need anything – a hotel room? extra cash? someone to deal with the hospital? If not, then an emotionally mature parent would tell you – “*OK. Sounds like you have it covered. I’ll keep my phone near me. Call me anytime if you need anything.*”
2. She decided to come without regard to what you wanted or expressed needing. Then she proceeds to want to pull you away from your friend. A listening, thinking and emotionally mature parent would understand that you wanted to stay with your friend. That parent would ask if they can get a hotel room close to the hospital and come back with some food for you. And ask if there is anything else you would like. OR that parent would just sit with you to give you company (and follow your lead on whether you wanted to chat or sit in silence).
3. Your mom realized that her presence wasn’t really needed and that you didn’t want to leave to stay to be with her in a hotel (versus staying with your friend). An emotionally mature parent would have realized HER mistake and let you know that she was getting a hotel room nearby and that if you needed to come there to crash, just give her a call. Then she would have checked with you in the morning one last time to see if you needed anything. If not, she would have headed home (without getting angry at you – much less demanding money from you!!!).
I’m sorry that her behavior has you in tears. Please start to really take in the fact that you are being stressed by HER emotional immaturity. Don’t worry so much if you don’t do what she expects you to do. It sounds to me like you have a good head and a good heart and make much better decisions than she does.