My cousin had a wedding a few months ago in another city that my girlfriend and I attended. We had been having some relationship problems leading up to this wedding (a multitude of things) and she was hugely reluctant to even go. I pretty much had to talk her into going. She hadn’t seen my family in a long time because she does not like my mom and sister. A few years ago my younger sister and girlfriend and I lived together (weird living situation where my sister needed a place to live for 2-3 months). One night my girlfriend went on a walk around the neighborhood unannounced to anyone and my sister asked if she could lock the gate to which I said yes since I thought my gf was in her car in the garage chilling. My girlfriend came home furious that my sister locked the gate on her and thought she did it on purpose. They’ve not liked each other ever since and my mom started to not like my gf because of how she treated my sister.
My mom and sister have come a long way since then in forgiving my gf and are still cordial with her. My gf on the other hand holds the grudge. Fast forward to this wedding we attend and my gf tells me on the car ride that she doesn’t want to speak to ANY of my family. I ask how she plans on doing that since literally all my family members will be there. We ended up isolating ourselves much of the wedding and my aunt came up to us and nicely asked us to come sit at their table. I said ok and my gf said she had to go use the bathroom, but ended up sitting outside in her car for the next 2 hours until the wedding ended. During this time my sister asked where my gf was at and I told her in the car outside. She said she was going to bring her some desserts outside and give it to her to hopefully make her feel better. I said sure go ahead.
Well, my girlfriend didn’t take this the way I hoped and instead became mad at me after the wedding for letting my sister come up to her for a brief moment because she told me that she didn’t want to speak to my family. My sister had good intentions and when she came back inside she told me she regretted trying to be nice, because my girlfriend just kind of shrugged the nice gesture off. My girlfriend says I clearly went against her boundaries she set and that I don’t listen to her. AITA?
TLDR; While at my cousin’s wedding my sister gave my gf some desserts outside to try to cheer her up since my gf and her were on bad terms. My girlfriend says I purposely went against her wishes and boundaries to not talk to my family since I gave my sister the approval to deliver her some food for a second. AITA?
Yta to yourself and your family for entertaining this absurdity for even a second.
Oh yes, this relationship sounds healthy. Very.
She’s behaving like a petulant child. If you’re okay with that, so be it….
YTA
Why are you still with this person? She’s awful
She’s unkind to your family for no good reason.
She took an honest mistake and turned it into a years-long grudge.
Why would you even want her to come to the wedding? Boy. I think you really need to look at what you expect out of a relationship and how little you accept
NTA
Your gf’s initial reason for being upset was a minor misunderstanding, and she has intentionally blown it WAY out of proportion.
She wanted you to aviod your entire family – at a family wedding.
When she didn’t get her way, she went and pouted in the car for 2 hours, and got upset when someone tried to be thoughtful…
Your girlfriend is trying to isolate you from your family.
This is *not* a healthy relationship.
NTA, but why are you with a woman who clearly is an Olympic champion in holding on to a grudge? She needs therapy and you need to break up with her.
NTA…honey, your girlfriend is…a lot. Do you…not see this? Does she have ANY redeeming qualities?!? Why are you signing yourself up for a lifetime of hell? Get out. Is she blackmailing you?
Blink the signal, we’ll help I promise
ESH
INFO: did your girlfriend agree to live with your sister for 2-3 months before you moved your sister into you and your girlfriends joined home?
Esh
You should have gone alone and you should probably rethink this relationship. How is this going to work longterm? Just going to cut off your mom and sister over a simple mistake? You suck for pushing your gf to go and for putting up with her treating your family so poorly for no reason.
Time to break up. She’s poison.
With this woman, it’s either her or your family. It can never be both. Ask yourself if you want that for the rest of your life.
NTA. OP, she is 27 years old. She is taking a misunderstanding from years ago to still hold grudges, and not move forward. She is a sulking baby who needs to grow up.
She is making no effort to want to be a part of your family at all. Don’t you and her understand what marriage is? It’s joining two families together. She doesn’t want to join your family or be on good terms with them. She wants to avoid them. Where is the path forward here? You never see them on holidays? Birthdays? Joint vacations? Weddings? Baby showers? Is she worth sacrificing your family over?
And if you think she won’t eventually turn icy, aggressive, and withdraw when you make a big enough mistake- you have another thing coming. How she treats your family members is how she will eventually treat you. All she has to do is think you did something on purpose against her.
So let’s look at this incident with your sister and her at the wedding. Your sister wants to give her a show of good faith they she is thinking about her and wants her to enjoy something from the wedding. Has your girlfriend even eaten anything since lunch? Didn’t she skip dinner entirely? So wasn’t this thoughtful of your sister? Your girlfriend then wants to be upset about it. She’s not happy to have a chance at reconciliation. In fact, she makes it clear to your sister she isn’t interested. Again, what’s the path forward?
You essentially begged her into coming. She came. She made you feel like you had to isolate from everyone else at the wedding. You couldn’t even enjoy it or your time with your family. She made the evening about her and not being able to move forward.
You had a lot of other family members besides your mother and sister there. She wasn’t interested in any of them. Don’t you think that’s kind of ridiculous? What will happen at your wedding? You have to have a court house wedding with her family only? You have to elope and have a stranger as a witness? She can’t bear to have any of your family members in the wedding party or at a bridal shower or bachelorette party? What’s the path forward?
You are dating an immature baby who can dish it out, but not take it. Did she ever apologize for flipping out over the misunderstanding? Is she going to apologize about being nasty to your sister when she was being nice to her at the wedding?
Is she going to apologize to you when she overreacts? Makes mistakes?
She’s 27, man. And I don’t see how a 27 year old who acts like this is worth sacrificing your family over. If your family were full of abusive AH’s, then yes…. Maybe. But your family seems nice, considerate, and protective. Of course your mom would be upset if her daughter was unnecessarily accused to being hateful. Of course your sister would be upset and lash out if she’s being blamed for something and having it twisted against her. But your family decided to push those things to the side and let bygones be bygones. Why can’t she? The actual aggressor. A locked gate shouldn’t lead to a lifetime of suspicion, distrust, anger, hate, and isolation. If she wants to be the victim. She can be. But you’ll have your life revolve all these perceived slights and injustices she faces. Good luck to you, OP. Enjoy walking on egg shells if you decide to stick around.
GF ITAH