Exactly as the title says. I (38m) have an ex (36f) who i dated throughout highschool and college. It was one of my longest relationships, we were together from 14&16 to 23&25. We broke up about over ten years ago because I wanted to move to canada and she wanted to stick in the US. Funny because shes since recently moved to canada… but thats beside the point.
We remained friends on facebook so ive seen her life throughout the last 10ish years on social media here and there. She had a daughter a year after we broke up and her daughter is now 12. Dont know if the father is in their life at all I dont see a dude posted on her page.
Anyway, her daughter must’ve found me on Facebook somehow because she texted me on Facebook messenger asking if I was the "jack" (fake name) in her moms highschool album. Apparently she has a album full of photos from around that time and a bunch with us that she never got rid of. Her daughter said something along the lines of
"You guys seemed so in love, blah blah blah, why did you guys break up, my mom seemed so happy with you i want her to be happy again"
Part of me wants to reply, shit id be lying if i said that didnt boost part of my ego. After all these years she kept those pictures?
But part of me feels like it could come off creepy to reply to her daughter after no contact with her in over 10 years. So im stuck. What should I do? If I text back, maybe me and her mom can start something again. Ive always, and will always love her. She’s in canada now too so I mean? Should I try?
YTA don’t reply to a child bro
It wouldn’t be appropriate to text the child back, but you could reach out to your ex to say hi and give her a heads up to let her know that her kid reached out to you. Not great that the kid is contacting men she doesn’t know, regardless if they were her mom’s exes or not. She clearly needs more internet stranger danger training.
So yes YWBTA if you texted back the 12 yo.
Agree, contact the mom.
This smells like mom is testing the waters on if he would get back together in a weird/creepy way or 12 yr old might be hunting bio dad and think its close enough. “had a daughter a year after we broke up” … it could be OP’s depending on the exact math of the break up and kid’s bday. Baby math is silly(they start counting from the first day of your last cycle) and and there is a lot of “ish” in this post (fair as no one wants to see their post go viral and recognized).
No Next Question
I have photos of exs and other childhood memories, doesn’t mean I have any feelings for these people, they are just things from my past. You are reading A LOT into a message from a preteen. It’s really inappropriate for her to message older men she doesn’t know on social media and that she’s opening herself up to all kinds of weirdness. Block her, forward the message to her mum to let her know the kid is contacting men on Facebook and get therapy.
Reach out to the mom. Tell her about the daughter so daughter can be safe. Then shoot your shot.
Knowing that Americans are able to move to Canada so easily is activating my fight or flight response. We don’t want refugees.
You’ll be alright
Stop being weird
Just message the mum and tell her. Possibly a good conversation starter.
Saying that I once knew someone who’d use her daughter to try and talk to other men.
YWBTA. See if you can find the mom’s socials from the daughter’s and contact her directly. Do not start any type of a conversation with a child that their parent doesn’t know about. Do you know how creepy it would be for a mom to hear “I’ve been talking to your daughter and wanted to reconnect with you”?
Simply message THE MOTHER and can do it in a light hearted way or even leave it all alone.
Simply say “Hey so and so, I just wanted to reach out and let you know your daughter reached out and as I’ve never had a chance to meet or have a conversation and also I’m a grown man and didn’t want to create any inappropriate situations,but she reached out and I felt I should speak directly to you.”
And if something goes from there,fine.
If as a last resort respond to the daughter simply say and screenshot in case “Hello so and so. Thanks for reaching out but it would be best if your mom reached out to me instead.”
“Hey So and So, just wanted to give you a heads up, your daughter sent me a message saying such and such, and I wanted to let you know in case anything comes up.”
And leave it at that.
YTA if you don’t do that.
Text the mother to let her know you got a message. Awkward but responsible.
Or ignore it.