This happened like 2 hours ago at time of post so i still feel quite raw, violated and frustrated still.
I (m20s) was in my bedroom and after dinner and then a shower i was feeling quite sleepy and got into bed as for what would hopefully be to fall asleep for the night, granted it was still somewhat early (for me) about 9:30-10pm.
Due to past history ( which is too long to drive into fully likely anxiety based) i find it hard to fall asleep i am either 2 extremes: i can fall asleep in 10 minutes or it be 4 hours of trying so when i get sleepy i go to bed near instantly sometimes the ritual of shutting computer down, turning off lights, brushing teeth etc is enough to wake me up enough not to be sleepy anymore.
I was woken up due to the bedroom door as its extremely creaky around 1:30 am it was my mother she then proceed to walk into my room and turns my computer off which is extremely close to my bed ( less then a foot/ with arms reach) and then walks out. The most reasonable she would even come into my room at that time that i can think of is either i snored as she was in the bathroom as it is a very thin wall and then walked in and turn everything off.
The reason i know for sure it was her because she has done the same thing in the past multiple times and told me off for going to sleep with my light/computer on the basis of saving on bills . I normally give a neutral response as if i point out all the hypocrisy when it comes to saving money on bills as she turn on lights unnecessarily out of habit or my dad leave the xbox on and she doesn’t turn it off or how leaving lights+computer on for roughly 8 hours at off peak times is nothing comparing to my dad’s insistence of having the heating in winter on which is FAR more costly.
What makes this situation so frustrating is that i ask near nothing of them (parents) except do not come into my room while i\`m asleep as once woken up i find it incredibly hard to fall back asleep as i feel like i have to be on guard, alert and have my defences up just in case it happens again.
While i don’t like my light being turned off i can understand and it is right next to the doorway so the chances of it waking me up is minimum but i do not understand seeing me in bed asleep then seeing my computer on and think
" i should get within arms reach of a sleeping person and turn off their computer because it will save X money even though it is likely to wake them up"
From experience i can confidently say my mother is the type of person who only learns when it happens to her and it is incredibly hard to talk her into changing her opinion as the more you try the more defence and dug it she gets the only thing i can do is talk to her when she wakes up likely angrily and swear (which is extremely rare for me so it would show how strongly i feel on this) and say how violating it is to be sound asleep only to hear and then have a random person inches away from you messing with your belongings
edit: made a error in the judgement bot reply: it should read ".. unless it is a emergence and to stop turning off my computer"
edit 2 : a lot repeated things being said so i will answer in here instead of individually:
rent: yes i pay rent
lock?: i dont have a lock and nor would i likely be allowed to have one due to it being their house> my room
cost of leaving a computer on: when the house got a smart meter my dad measured how much each appliance used and it turns out my computer is negligible so roughly calculated leaviing my light on+computer for 6 hours at off peak rates would be under a dollar.
sleep mode: yes that is something for the future for my computer although i am uncertain if it would work as i tend to listen to podcasts (2 hours long) and i\`m not sure it autoplaying would class as activity and reset the sleep counter
on reflection: i made this post more to vent then for a judgement and the world explode is not the best world i could have used, but saying " try to have a conversation about this and due to feelings it leading to a arguement with shouting" in short hand and then go on to explain that + the situation within the word limit would be impossible.
Um either move out or start turning your shit off. Not hard. Act like a responsible adult.
Do you contribute to bills? I think we need some more information here cause to me this reads like you’re burying the lede here.
Yes, you would. Turn your stuff off. It’s a waste of money and not great for the environment.
Also, is it your parents house? If so, be respectful of that. If you really can’t help it, maybe make a rule of turning everything off at say 7pm so when you do get tired it’s not an issue.
Also, do you pay the electric bills?
INFO: Are you, as a full adult, paying an appropriate rent and equal share of utilities? If not, do you have some sort of disability that prevents you from working and supporting yourself?
EDIT Since no answer from OP was immediately forthcoming, I’m going to flesh this out. If OP were fully and appropriately contributing to the running of this household, or had a disability that legitimately prevented him from doing so… well then he might still be the AH for not just turning his damn computer off, but it would be less clear-cut. Tbh I’m getting neither fully-contributing-adult nor too-disabled-to-function vibes from the post, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Frankly, and sorry to say it, but the vibe I do get is that if you changed OP’s age to 16 but left everything else the same, the post would make more sense. I think that’s the basic reason why most people are tearing OP a new one on here, and with respect, it’s something he should do some introspection about.
You are living at home, in your mid twenties?
Turn the damn electronics off before you go to sleep, and stop being such a whining embarrassment.
yta. put some wd-40 on your door hinges and stop wasting power by leaving your stuff on while nobody’s using it… ESPECIALLY considering you don’t pay the damn power bill.
turn it off yourself and nobody will have to come do it for you.
YTA-if she was coming into your room at 1:30am and going through your things or being weird like trying to cuddle or something that would be an invasion of privacy. She’s only coming in to your room to turn off things that run up electricity. Just turn it off. You are an adult if it bothers you, leave. If you do, I bet you will miss that being your only problem. You sound extremely entitled.
Info: How much did you agree to pay her for running these things all night and when was your last payment?
Because it sounds like this was not part of your rental agreement. You can argue all you want about your dad leaving XYZ on, but the difference is (I’m assuming) he is paying out of his own hard earned money to leave XYZ on.
You don’t ask much of them except shelter, heat, electricity, Internet, what else? And before you come at me with I pay them or I do this and that for the them, it really doesn’t make too much difference.
Because, how dare you be in someone else’s house and “explode” on them for anything? You can pack up all that computer stuff, grab your pillow and blanket, and take it to your own home with your own bills, where you can leave the light and computer on in perpetuity.
YWBTA, Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
You’re an adult now. Grow the fuck up and move into your own place if you don’t want your mother coming into your room and shutting down your PC.
YTA
YWBTA if you exploded at your mom. Her wanting you to turn your computer off is a reasonable request. it just takes a few seconds. Next time you get sleepy just turn it all off before you do.
Maybe you can change your computer setting to turn off if there is no activity after an hour. Then you can let your mom know you set it to shut down after a period of time so she doesn’t need to turn it off. That could be a good backup plan.
YTA Don’t explode at your mom for turning off your electronics, turn off your electronics before going to bed and stop wasting electricity. And I’m assuming she does what she wants with the electric because her and your dad pay the bills.
Respectfully, with the information presented, the language you are using is not reasonable. In a usual situation, your mother entering your room to turn of your computer and then leaving again, is not violating (even if the computer is near your bed) or likely to leave you raw.
If that is genuinely how you feel, it seems there is more going on (which you said there is as you discuss past history you don’t want to go into, which is fair, you don’t have to go into something you are not comfortable talking about), but it is important to acknowledge that maybe your reaction is due to this past history and not actually what your mother did, and let that affect how you respond. You would wrong if you exploded on her, absolutely. But maybe you should instead address why you want to explode and why this made you feel so strongly. Maybe even talk calmly to her about it, get a therapist if that is what you need, etc. Look at the root cause. Because this is not a normal way to respond to this situation unless there something deeper going on. So instead of exploding, take a step back and ask yourself some serious questions.
Why not just turn on the setting that allows your computer to turn itself to sleep mode or whatever after x time of inactivity?
Yes, you’d bta for exploding on her for this.
YTA, just turn off your computer. I bet she’s the one paying the electricity, if you don’t like it then move out. Feeling like your privacy is being invaded isn’t nice, but neither is having to pick up after your adult son because he’s too entitled and ungrateful to follow basic house rules.