This is a throwaway account.
I(37F) and my husband(37M) have a daughter (8F) and a son. This post is only about my daughter.
She is in 3rd grade now, this happened recently. When we were getting ready for school, she told me in the morning in a panic that she needed craft supplies for a project at school. I asked what she wanted and that we probably have it at home. She brought her bag and pulled out a crumpled circular from her school which gave a long list of supplies to bring on that day. It had a lot of stuff including but not only- 1 chart paper, photographs printouts, markers etc. We only had a few things already with us.
They were things we couldn’t get at the moment as any shops that could have those nearby don’t open until 8:30 (her school starts at 8:30). Then I told her it’s simply not possible for us to get them this late. I checked the date of the circular and it was sent well before the holidays and she had plenty of time to tell us. I asked her why she didn’t tell us, she said that she completely forgot. I told her we can’t get them today. She cried and begged to at least stay home but I said no. She begged me to bring them to school, I told her I couldn’t.
After I sent her to school, at around 10, I got a call from her teacher asking when I would be bringing the supplies(she told her teacher I would bring them). I told her that I wasn’t bringing them. Her teacher said that all the other kids are working on their project while she is sitting out. I told her to let her sit out, actions (or the lack thereof) had consequences and if she hadn’t told us this late, we could have gotten them. Maybe next time, she will tell us if she needs something in advance.
After her teacher told her that I wouldn’t be bringing them, she broke down crying. The teacher consoled her by telling her to help her classmates and that she would check if she can arrange for another chart for her. Her teacher asked the others if they had extras but they didn’t. She said she would check the art room if there were extras she could use and went to check, but there weren’t. The teacher just told my daughter to continue helping her classmates.
After school, she went crying to my husband that I didn’t bring them. After I came home, he asked me why I couldn’t just bring them to her. I told him that it was a long list of things and that I didn’t have time last minute. I showed him the list and he agreed with me and told her that it was too late to ask for these things. She said she was forced to sit out and and her classmates had fun and I should have let her skip school- I’m not setting a bad example for her.
Her teacher called me later and asked me how I could do this to her? She’s a child and had to sit out because of me and that I should have checked her bag before and not blamed her. She told me I was wrong to not pay more attention to her and should have at least brought a chart paper.
EDIT:
I get it, I’m the ahole and should have been more diligent with checking her bag. I and my husband will make sure to do better and pay more attention to my child.
To those who think it’s fake, I can’t try to convince you otherwise.
Yes, the teacher did indeed call and say that after school. The reason there were no extras was because only a certain number of supplies are assigned and her class used them up before she could get any and can’t take from supplies assigned to other classes. She was under the impression that I told my daughter that I would bring supplies and went back on my words after.
I don’t know about your school, but in mine all communications are also sent to the parents’ email. Do you not receive those? They’d never just send an 8 year old home with a paper in their backpack for something important.
INFO: What’s your usual way of keeping on top of your daughter’s school work and supplies? Do you go through her stuff together or what? You didn’t say anything about that.
Agreed. At 8, she’s too young to manage this and be responsible by herself without any reminders or feedback from her parents. Like at least buy her a little handheld calendar that she can make notes in for homework/deadlines.
I had to go through backpacks everyday when my kids were in elementary school, especially before school breaks. No one wants to find moldy food, snack remains, uncompleted assignments, etc the morning the kids return to school. That being said, I think the OP handled the situation appropriately in trying to have their child take responsibility. Everyone parents differently. I think we’ve all been there at least once.
YTA She’s a child. She is 8 years old! This is your job as a parent. I hate that people expect kids to be what they are not. I still forget things. It’s life. Don’t expect more from a child than you are capable of. I am sure that you forget things. At that age, I asked my children if they had paperwork for me & checked their backpacks. No way a flyer from before the holidays would not have been seen.
YTA. She’s 8 and yes there are consequences to our actions, but at 8, why are you not checking her bag and folders or at least asking her if she has anything to give you. It was a daily routine for our daughter when she was that age.
I do think 8 is a bit young to not be checking your child’s bag for important information from her teacher. Like she’s a child. They’re literally brand new to the planet with very little understanding of the passage of time or the logistics involved in making things happen. And I do think it’s a bit unfair for you to effectively punish her for a predictable age appropriate mistake when if you’d been checking up on your child’s schoolwork appropriately you would have already known about the project. YTA & so is your husband.
ETA: also if the teacher is calling to say you should’ve paid more attention to your child, I have to wonder how many other things you’ve missed recently?
Yea I’ve worked in schools and teachers don’t place calls like that after one incident. The follow up call tells me this isn’t the first time OP has neglected her child’s education
Theres no way on earth that teach called again, way after school to have a go at you.
Yeah they almost had a good story and then as always have to over egg the pudding with extra ridiculous details
“Her teacher called me later and asked me how I could do this to her?”
I don’t believe this for a second.
Yeah that last part really sealed the deal
Teachers don’t have time tocdo this crap
Literally, do you know how much trouble a teacher could get into for berating a parent like that, not to mention, no teacher would ever care enough about this to call once let alone twice
90% of teachers would have had extra supplies for the inevitable 2-3 kids who forgot over the Christmas break and if they didn’t, they’d just make the kid read or work on something else, it would literally be no big deal