My wife and I got into a rather heated argument last night over my MIL coming for a visit this week. She reached out a couple of weeks ago saying she would be passing by us on her way to FL and would like to stop by for a visit. She didn’t communicate any specific dates but we knew it would be this week.
The problem I have is that I’ve asked my wife to ask her when she’s coming and how long she is staying. I have a close friend’s birthday on Saturday that I would like to attend, however, since I don’t know dates I can’t give a definitive answer on if I will be there or not. My wife’s response is “if I ask her how long she’s staying she will think she is intruding and it would hurt her feelings.”
My point is that it’s rude to not communicate when and how long she would be staying and therefore fucking up my ability to communicate to a friend. I don’t think it’s asking much. So…AITAH?
NTA. It’s basic courtesy to give dates when you’re visiting someone’s home, and your wife prioritizing her mom’s hypothetical hurt feelings over you being able to make simple plans is ridiculous. Just ask the MIL yourself at this point since your wife won’t do it.
NTA but make your own plans. If she visits and her feelings are hurt, you can use that as an opportunity to tell her you didn’t know her dates. Life goes on.
Why can’t you just ask MIL directly? If you let her know that you have plans for a specific date and want to make sure you are at home to spend time with her, any reasonable person wouldn’t have a problem narrowing it down a little further. However if she’s staying for multiple days, you should still be able to go to your friends party and let the gals have a day to theirselves as well.
Bro, grow a pair and just plan on your friends party alone. Go have fun. Mom and daughter can have some alone time.
I agree and I most likely will. The argument was so far fetched for me that I genuinely thought I was the crazy one. Thus me posting here and it’s only confirmed that I’m not crazy. Just wild to me but my wife is also going through some internal struggles so her reaction wasn’t a huge surprise.
You’re not the crazy one. It’s a PERFECTLY reasonable request. Your wife is speculating about her mom’s feelings with no proof. Is she a psychic? I wouldn’t put too much stock into her response and just chalk it up to her having the struggles you mentioned. But DO NOT put your life on hold for your MIL’s visit. Just tell the ladies you’re going to the party.
NTA, but there doesn’t seem to be any need to skip the party. Your wife doesn’t seem to be asking you to do it, and you don’t indicate that your MIL expects you to spend every spare moment with her during her semi-announced visit. Just go and let your wife and MIL hang out during that time.
NTA. Your wife is being ridiculous. Go to the party, she can entertain MIL.
I would ask MIL directly then. Don’t care if her feelings get hurt. You’re being perfectly reasonable. I am not afraid to be the bad guy and deal with these things myself as my husband is a bit like your wife. Also go to the party. Your wife can entertain her mother.
So you’re supposed to put your life on hold in order to prevent MIL from feeling a certain way, while MIL gets to have all the freedom? That’s wild.
NTA, and adults are supposed to be responsible for their own feelings.
You NAT. Also, you can just confirm with your friend and leave them alone for so mum and daughter time. Nothing wrong in keep your life going, when you have visitors, specially if you don’t know how long they gone stay.
I would hate people coming to my house with no idea when they’re showing up and no one else should be dictating when they’re coming to your home. But since your wife insists on hosting her mother doesn’t mean you need to change your plans in any way. You haven’t made plans, your wife has.
NTA. I always like to know the dates of when someone is staying in my home or if I’m staying in theirs. I mean, isn’t that common courtesy?
If I were you, I’d go to the birthday party. It’s not your fault your wife and her mother can’t communicate without getting “hurt feelings”.
Accept the birthday party invitation. Now it’s a prior engagement and you’re committed. You can’t leave your social calendar wide open just in case she visits at that time.