I’m 31F been chatting with this guy (36M), for months now. I wasn’t looking for anything but he found me on Snapchat. Our conversations were fun and we can speak about random things and we’re flirting from time to time, but I don’t find him pervy, like most guys you meet on the internet. We haven’t seen in person because we’re in different parts of the world but…
I’m really starting to like him.
Since our conversations were really interesting i just put mental notes on the inconsistencies. Like for instance, I once asked him about his full name, just out of curiosity and my boy said he’s not the type to tell his full name, I do respect that, I told him my full government name, just in case he wanted to search informations about me he can check the internet and find my social media accounts. He said he doesn’t have a social media account he only had a LinkedIn profile. Remember, i only asked these information once.
As we continue to chat I found out about his interest and there’s only one thing he’s proud of, being part of this specific organization. I won’t mention because I still protect the organization’s privacy. At this point I only have his first name, his face and the organization he’s proud to be a part of.
A little fact about me, I’m interested in true crime and forensic work, and I have terrible trust issues. I analyze and observe people’s behavior even with those guys that DMed me on IG before I block them.
So I searched the organization’s name on the internet, they have different branches all over his state. He sent me view once selfies on whatsapp, but I don’t just look at the subject of the photo, I look into the background of the photo. From there,I found his specific branch. There is a group photo, he’s there and there were posted names under the photo and since he’s an elected officer, which he told me once, I know he’s real name was there. To confirm, I searched the posted names on LinkedIn and voila! I found him.
I realized everything i knew about him was a lie… I mean he lied about his name even if i asked him if that was his real name and he said “why would i lie?”
So, I waited 9 hours for him to message me the usual “good morning” because as i’ve mentioned we’re in different parts of the world and then I sent back a “Good Morning *REAL NAME*” I know he was shocked and creeped out because he’s reading and replying fast! Eventually, I blocked him. Because all this time my heart is pure and my intentions are clear i told him about that.
I thanked him for making my trust issues worse.
Btw, he blocked me.
Am I wrong for finding out the truth? And in case we continue to communicate, what else would he be lying about? Gosh!
NTA but I think in a situation where he had not been a liar this kind of behavior would justifiably creep someone out and then hiding it would be a poor thing to do in a relationship. I can’t say it feels like an asshole move but it is absolutely one that could also make a reasonable and honest person turn and run the other way as well
NTA. Women kinda have to do this before meeting men online.
If you were doing it to be creepy and weird, that’s one thing, but making sure he’s not a liar before you get too involved is fine.
Nta for wanting to keep yourself safe. Always do your research.
NTA
>my boy said he’s not the type to tell his full name,
> He said he doesn’t have a social media account he only had a LinkedIn profile.
Unfortunately these are just lies. He is lying about his identity because he is married or a criminal or is catfishing you. Continue to be careful and don’t fall for any tricks.
No I thought this was normal to research a partner before being with them???😤 he sounds sketchy
NTA. You’re protecting yourself. But on the other hand, he could also be doing the same – maybe he was flirting yes but it’s the internet, the threat of privacy leak is always a concern. Maybe he just wasn’t comfortable telling people online about his real name – personally, I don’t use my real name to introduce myself to people I meet online too, unless we get to meet in person, that’s the only time they would know, most of them understood.
INFO: If you’ve got trust issues, why are you chatting with random men who find you on Snapchat? I feel like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment here.
There’s got to be a better way to meet people.
INFO: Were the two of you starting to talk yet about getting into a relationship or meeting, or was this prompted solely by your “I’m starting to like him” feelings? And why would you give him *your* full government name if he refused to give you his and before you looked into him to see who he was?
>And why would you give him *your* full government name if he refused to give you his and before you looked into him to see who he was?
That’s really weird behaviour for someone who, by her own account, has “terrible trust issues”.
Also, I’m wondering what he actually lied about. OP says “everything i knew about him was a lie” but the only example is his name, which could very well be his first name while he prefers to go by his middle name or something like that.
NTA. He’s “not the type to tell his full name”? I’m a lot older than you and probably way out of touch, but that just sounds crazy to me.
NTA.
A guy who lies to you about his name and works to hide his identity is not a potential match. He may have been a scammer or a danger, or he may have been looking for an online fling that would never develop into more, but whatever he was, it’s great that you stopped things from going further.
In the future, you should probably just make it clear when you start to develop feelings that that’s happening, and if they’re interested in seeing where things could go, you’re going to expect honesty and transparency. Then you start over: ask their full name. Talk about social media. Do a background check. Whatever you need to feel safe, but be clear and open about what you’re doing.
Nta but also not fabulous.
Talking for months, giving your full name when he hasn’t, developing feelings site unseen, and snooping his socials, and all of that before even meeting this random off snapchat while also having trust issues is both settling yourself up for failure and a self fulfilling prophecy.
Change your strategy and be more realistic about how to develop safe connections.
Did I miss something? What was the lie? All I could see in here was OP verifying the truth of things the guy had said. He said he had a LinkedIn and she found it, he said he worked for this organization and she found the photo to prove it (which incidentally she was able to verify because he had sent her a selfie that was apparently authentic). And saying that he doesn’t want to tell her his name might be weird and/or sketchy, but it’s not a lie.
What did he lie about? Not his name, because he never gave you that according to you